So as we wander into spring, slowly my thoughts turn to summer and the incredible career challenges i face. As the warm weather approaches my schedule will turn from hectic to absolutely mind bending. So this Blog will be my last one for a little while. I might drop by from time to time to ramble on about something about nothing but in general i will take a 3 to 4 month writing vacation. I have had allot of fun over the last 5 months and i have enjoyed your comments, feedback, private e-mails, telephone calls, etc. I know the French translation was at times painful to read and i thank all my Francophone friends for their support and encouragement. This writing has helped me beyond belief and has allowed me to explore some of my worst mistakes, bad moves and inexcusable behavior while at the same time allowing me to recognize the good that still is within me. Thanks to all of you who have followed and for those of you interested there were in the last months more then 1800 of you reading each article and that my friends blew me away. See you all in the Fall.
GETTING PAST YOURSELF
Have you ever wanted to step aside from yourself? Moved yourself out of your own way? Stepped sideways to allow yourself to go by? You with me? I think at one time or another everyone has felt like they themselves are the greatest road block to achieving greater things. I believe at one time or another due to circumstances, past experiences and most of all fear we can become our own greatest enemy in actually getting past ourselves.
For everyone has a history. A story to tell. A nightmare to recount. We dig back often and fall ass first back to what we have done or not done. What we have accomplished or failed at. We look back on those things and we use them as some kind of restraint when presented with incredible opportunities. These opportunities might be in regards to our career, our family and friends and in many cases love. Regardless of what lies in front of us we use the items of our past as a justification, a reason and excuse to tell ourselves "we cannot" or "should not". That what we are being presented with is to good, to incredible to be possibly happening to us. We stand in defiance of opportunity wearing only the clothes of our past experiences. We do not want to be naked in the face of opportunity for to do so would simply mean abandoning everything we know as true. That we are not worthy of important events or people in our lives.
What happens when we cannot get past ourselves? Well in all honesty its simple. We become simply a shell. We accumulate and we store but we do not venture, we do not risk and we certainly limit our capacity for love. In essence the aspect of love and how we accept it and how we direct it towards others is the most relevant to me. I have had my share of bad experiences, i have made colossal mistakes, i have paid a terrible price and justifiably i have had to assume it all as mostly those failures, those heart aches were of my own doing. So recently when i was given a unique opportunity to move forward i have stalled. When given the opportunity to love and be loved i braked. I have applied full pressure to the brakes and have pushed myself hard away from the steering wheel to brace myself or should i say protect myself for the imminent impact. In simple terms i have failed to "Get Past myself"
Why is that? Why as humans as complex and intelligent as we are do we feel the need to stop positive things from happening to us? Why do we believe that past history has to absolutely dictate future outcomes? Is it because we truly have no desire to add additional heart ache and failures to an already overflowing filing cabinet? Is it because we listen to all the detractors who tell us we don't deserve it? That good things are no longer in the cards. That the hand has been dealt and oh and by the way, you can't lay down or pick up anymore cards. I'm not sure i understand what it is. Perhaps i have missed something. Perhaps i just don't see and what is blocking me is.....MYSELF. I know now more then ever that time has a way of circling you, of going past you and then reaching back and pulling you forward only to slingshot you to some unknown destination. I know that the past never ever goes away and when you think it does someone will be more then happy to remind you of it. That being said. Where does it stop? When do you reach the moment where your actually able to get past yourself?
For me the answer lies within another person. It lies within the ability to share out right, nakedly the truth of who who are, what you have been and what you want to be. To take full ownership of all the mess, the nonsense and then to describe it. At that moment, when you find that person who allows you to do that, who allows you to be who you want to be, what you know you can be. Who looks at you not in judgment but in admiration for your ability to want nothing better then to fix and move forward. I have had special individuals like that who i have been truly blessed to know. My friend Laurie who always understood the way to direct me past myself and who believed in me. Lisa who always saw in me the good instead of the evil. As well as many other friends who gave me hope that i could eventually get past myself.Recently i have come into contact with another person who in my mind is as gifted as the two women i mentioned above. Her ability to take me to a place where i feel i can again be proud of who i am. Who allows me to believe that in fact i can fix my past mistakes. That those mistakes simply demonstrate a capacity for stupidity but do not define my future. Who makes me understand that in fact i am my worst own enemy and that if i just stepped aside i might, just might, be able to see who i really can be. Since meeting her i have come to understand that yes it might just be possible to get past yourself. Its not easy friends i won't BS you about that. I've tried to block her, to stop her from believing, to stop her from making me believe. It hasn't worked. This person who allows you to feel this way is uniquely special and they are not everywhere. If you tell yourself they don't or cannot exist chances are they won't or don't. You have to see something in them, understand something profound about them to go there. To allow yourself to be shown the path to moving forward. Most of all though you have to let them help you get past yourself. The trick however is you have to actually be able to see them and this step does require you to slightly move out of your own shadow, to step aside and allow them in.
My advice is this. When someone like this enters your life, you only need to leave a slight opening for them to be able to help you see. You only need a small, minuscule belief that positive in your life is still possible.Because if they are the one you will know and it won't take you years to realize it, it will happen right in front of your face as there will be nothing blocking your view and you will truly have gotten past yourself.
Thanks everyone
Robbie
