SOMETHINGABOUTNOTHING

THE CHURCH OF DENIAL

2010-04-04T17:01:00.016-04:00

Well its Easter. The kids have probably overdosed on chocolate bunnies by now. Your favorite dinner is cooking in the oven. Did you go to Church Sunday to celebrate the death and the resurrection of Christ? Maybe not! Maybe its because your fed up. Could it be your not feeling very Catholic these days? Maybe you've had enough of the scandals, the denials. Perhaps your tired of watching the church try and explain away or blame away its responsibility. If you are, your not alone. The Catholic institution (yes its no different then any other institution) has been doing serious damage control recently as reports show that the current pope (the guy in the funny hat) leader of all the collard pedophiles had perhaps assisted a Priest accused of pedophilia. This shocking (not really) revelation comes as the Institution continues to come under fire for its total lack of management of this epidemic. It might seem that the issue at hand is the way the Vatican and the institution has constantly handled the accusations of pedophilia but its actually not about the way it has handled it. Its the way it has truly shown that nothing in the religious foundations of this organization can be believed in.

Like many, i have simply waited for one thing and one thing only from the Vatican. I have simply waited for them to take unmitigated and full responsibility for their botched management of the sexual abuse scandals. I have waited patiently for the day a news conference was to be called to have the main man (the funny hat guy) not some Cardinal or Clergy or some PR quacks to stand up and take responsibility for what has been allowed to go on in that institution for hundreds of years. I have waited, as i think the world has waited. I want the leader of the collars to stand front and center. I want him to look directly into the camera and say, ''we have made mistakes, a whole lot of mistakes.We have mishandled those who have gone against the values of God, the bible, of the foundations of the Catholic religion. We have betrayed and failed our followers, we have sadly turned a blinds eye to the pain and suffering the actions of certain of our members (Priests) have caused on those who followed the way of Christ. We have protected and sheltered those who should have been prosecuted under the law. For those things we are sorry, we cannot correct the past, nor undo the pain, we can however begin anew with a resolve to remove this disease from our ranks and here is how we propose to do that''. Then he could go on to outline a plan ( a real one with measurable results) for dealing with those pedophiles within their ranks. He doesn't have to give excuses, no explanation for the mistakes which have been made. Just step up and fess up. Take ownership. Get a set of balls because we know the men in your church have them, we know all to well you have them and at the appropriate (most inappropriate) time like to use them.

The thing i find the hardest to accept however has not so much been the way the Vatican and that whole institution has handled the situation its the way some people (mainly the devote catholics) have tried to defend the church. The thing i find sickening about their defense of the institution is that if it was any other organization, company or entity other then the Catholic church those very same people would be parading in the streets demanding accountability and prosecution of the guilty. What does that say about the institution and those that follow it? What does it indicate to anyone with the slightest level of intelligence. In my case it indicates to me that they are nothing more then a fraud. They rally around a book and a figure and use that to drive social values and social conduct when it suits them. When it goes in direct opposition to it they point fingers and attempt any type of diversionary tactic to play off their responsibility. Take for example Warsaw Archbishop Kazimierz Nycz said, ''the church should take notice of individual tragedies and treat sex abuse cases very seriously, but at the same time, he criticized the media for "targeting the whole church, targeting the pope, and to that we must say `no' in the name of truth and in the name of justice." This was followed by this statement by Vienna's Cardinal Christoph Schoenborn which only goes further in demonstrating just how out to lunch some of these zealots are. "I admit that I often feel a sense of injustice these days. Why is the church being excoriated? Isn't there also abuse elsewhere? ... And then I'm tempted to say: 'Yes, the media just don't like the church! Maybe there's even a conspiracy against the church?' But then I feel in my heart that no, that's not it." It doesn't stop there though, Pope Benedict XVI's personal preacher said, ''allegations that the pontiff covered up sex abuse cases by Catholic clergymen reminded him of anti-Semitism''. Are you serious? Do you really want the population of the world to take you seriously?

Perhaps the long standing denials, cover-ups and attempts to talk your way out of every accusation of sexual impropriety may explain why people no longer have any confidence in anything you say and why the media has pursued you. The constant word play and excuse making lends as much credability to the institution as to the existance of the Easter Bunny. Perhaps the media and the public in general are waiting. Waiting for the leader (the funny hat guy) to do what i mentioned above. Maybe the press and the public is waiting for the Vatican to release the files of all those in their institution who have been accused of inappropriate conduct. Perhaps were waiting for you to release all the cases you have covered up and those in your institution responsible for those cover ups. Do any of you in the Vatican or the management of the Church believe that the public believes you are above the law? Does the Pope believe he is above the law? Of course he does and so do all the Cardinals and anyone else related to the church. You believe that you do not in fact owe an explanation. More importantly you do not believe that those within your institution deserve to be prosecuted. In fact your more likely to believe in the Eater bunny then you are in justice.

Its not a wonder that the ranks of the Catholic Church continues to shrink. Without the churches major surge into Africa the number of followers would have shrunk beyond its ability to write off the declining numbers to the aging population. The Catholic Institution is in total denial. Every Sunday morning the followers gather to hear the word of God preached and celebrated to them by men supposedly of God. What has become clear is that many of these ''men of God'' preach one principle and practice another. There is no confidence in an institution which can not even follow its own covenant. Whose representatives demand a specif alignment to scripture and rules but have no respect for them themselves. Nowhere in other institutions in our society would that be acceptable but for some reason the leaders and the followers of this institution continue to believe that they are not only above the law but above the word of the God they claim to worship.

When challenged by anyone from outside the church, its followers and leaders first tool is to claim anti-semitism. To call those wanting answers non believers and enemies of God is a sad attempt at deflection. To claim that the sexual abuse scandals are not the fault of the church but of a small percentage within it simply shows the length to which its members will go to avoid holding the institution and its leaders responsible. The Vatican has time and time again worked against prosecuting and dealing with those who have committed these atrocious crimes. They have covered them up, hushed up those who might speak and have tried to purchase innocence. No i am not a believer in God but i am not an enemy of God either. I believe everyone should have the choice to follow whatever religion they best believe represents their core values. I personally do not follow any organized religion. I am however a believer that there is some higher power. I like to believe that the power which i believe would never tolerate such abuse. Such indignation, such shameful denial. When an institution cannot or will not abide by its own doctrine then how in the world can you expect others to? Do you believe you maintain credibility in a mode of denial? That you pull people towards you as you point blame outwards? Judging by your actions or lack thereof you believe the answers to those questions are. Yes.

Christian theology condemns blasphemy. One verse from the Bible that directly concerns the sin reads as follows: “ Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain. (Exodus 20:7 KJV). Blasphemy was written into the bible by the writers to protect the Catholic institution from attack. To give the institution this sense of being to holy and important to attempt to bring down. It was designed to protect the institution from those seen as non believers or those from the outside who might want to challenge it. In essence it was to protect and ensure the survival of the Institution, the entity of God and his words. The current situation and the way the Vatican has handled the whole sexual abuse scandal does one crucial thing. All to simply, It shows that it was not those from outside the church which they needed protection from. It was from those directly at its helm.

Robbie Hellstrom

DRIVING ME CRAZY

2010-04-02T11:51:00.004-04:00

OK you had to figure it was only a matter of time before i pulled out a blog concerning driving skills or lack thereof. Yes every day I like all of you head out of the house and get in my car. I do this mainly without even thinking of it. I rarely, if ever ponder the, ''what ifs''. I simply open the door, slide behind the wheel and off i go to whatever destination is required for that particular moment. Recently though i have come to realize that making it to and from my destination has become so frustrating that i am truly considering sending my car to the scrap yard and buying a life time bus pass.

In general there is not anyone reading this who does not take their car out every day. For that matter most of us use it more then just once. If you have children then you probably spend more time in your car, SUV, or van then you do in your own home and probably log more miles then the average cab driver in your city. In my case due to my work and for pleasure I have had a unique opportunity to drive in many places around North America. No i am not a truck driver. I have crossed the country from PEI to Alberta twice. Once using the Canada route and once using a US route. I have driven from Montreal to Florida and back half a dozen times. I have driven to Houston, Texas and back. I have driven through California, Colorado, Montana, Arizona and just about every other state you can name. I have spent time living and driving in British Columbia. So in essence i have covered most of the US and Canada via rubber tire.

People often ask me. Rob in your opinion who drives best and who drives worst? I have often had a hard time answering that question. My easy fall back used to be drivers from Ontario were the worst and drivers from Quebec were the best. QUEBEC! WHAT? You say QUEBEC!!! Now calm down and I'll explain. I learned to drive in Quebec. I went to driving school and got my permit when i was 18 years old. I grew up driving the mad streets and highways of this province. The thing i always loved about driving in Quebec was that the drivers here were predictable. Yes predictable. They drove fast, they drove on the edge, they did questionable things but they were predictable. You knew that if there was a major traffic jam on a highway and you were trying to merge you were most likely to encounter a car coming the wrong way up the on ramp trying to escape traffic and expecting You to get out of the way. No surprise. If you were in a major traffic jam you were for sure going to see a bunch of cars racing down the shoulder of the road like it was just another lane on the highway and probably saw a cop sitting in one of those U-Turns letting it all happen. Best of all you knew that if you planned to get into the passing lane your speedometer better not indicate anything less then 140 KM Hr (75 miles per hour). I loved driving here. I always knew what to expect. When i travelled to the US, Ontario or Western Canada i often found myself extremely frustrated and frequently stunned by what i encountered on the road. In most of the US and Western Canada i found out quickly that driving 57 miles per hour in the passing lane to pass a car traveling 55 miles per hour was normal practice, often resulting in a 5 mile traffic jam on a two lane road as the person in the passing lane took 15 minutes to pass the the slower vehicle by 2 miles per hour. That driving along in the passing lane with not another car insight was perfectly reasonable and screw you buddy you just pass me on the right cause Willy Nelson is playing and i ain't moving. I was always surprised to be sailing down a road a 40 Miles per hour only to have a person merge onto the road 50 feet in front of me like i wasn't even there; and when i laid on the horn i was greeted by a finger and a rear view mirror look which said, ''you don't own the road dip shit''. I was stunned to see people burn through stop signs like they didn't even exist, driving the wrong way down the Highway cause the big Red sign that said, ''DO NOT ENTER'' really meant nothing. Yes i saw allot of stuff crossing North America but i always felt safest driving in Quebec. That was until about 5 years ago.

Something happened in Quebec over the last 5 years and i have no idea what it was. Everyone just threw out what they used to know and choose to apply what was wrong everywhere else. Driving here has become a nightmare. I guess its probably a nightmare everywhere else also seeing as if it got this bad in Quebec i a can only imagine what its like in Ontario or New York. So here goes my rant and stick with with me if it gets ugly because i just cannot figure out what the heck has happened.

1. BLINDER. They bozo! That little blue light on your dash showing a light means your high beams are on, NOT YOUR REGULAR LIGHTS. That light shouldn't be on unless your traveling through the forest of middle earth in a demented version of Lord Of The Rings. But thanks cause now i need laser surgery and i did enjoy spending 2 hours in the ditch from being blinded.

2. GAS IS ON THE RIGHT. If your going to drive in the left hand lane (passing lane) could you do it with some speed. No, me and the 4000 other people coming home from work following behind you have no interest in watching you pass the vehicle in the right lane by 4 miles and hour, the car in the center lane by 2 miles an hour and oh by the way you don't need to be half a mile in front of the middle lane vehicle before turning into the centre lane. YOUR NOT DRIVING A TRAIN!

3. NOT A PSYCHIC. I wish i was cause then i wouldn' t have rammed into the ass end of your car. That little arm sticking off your steering column on the left side is for indicating your intention to turn. Now i know between deciding to have potatoes or corn for a side plate is more important then telling EVERYONE else what you intent to do with that 4500 LBS vehicle your driving but could you just try. I guarantee you won't break your finger or anything. Oh by the way, up means your going to turn right and down means left. I know that's hard to remember. Kinda like; righty tighty, lefty loosey. Think you can handle that? Didn't think so!

4. HEY MULTI TASKER! You are barely qualified to drive. I can promise you you are not qualified to talk on your phone, eat a Big Mac and fries and try to read that file. Your wife can attest to your lack of multi- tasking capabilities (wink) Your being more interested in not getting special sauce (wink) on your shirt is not really important to the guy who's lane you just swerved into cutting him off and almost causing a 15 car pile up. The best part is you didn't even notice, cause you were to busy concentrating. One thing at a time. RIGHT?. EEH GAD.

5. OK GRANDPA i know your retired and you deserve to enjoy the rest of your life with your sweetie pie. Just not on the road. What in God's name made you think your qualified to drive a 35 ft motor home when the largest vehicle you ever drove when working was a Toyota Tercel. How do i know you drove a Tercel? WELL, cause its attached to the back of your motor home making the total length of your vehicle slightly less long then the empire state building.

6. CAPTAIN CAMPING! Listen your Ford F150 4x4 is really not qualified to substitute for a freight train locomotive. That 22 ft camper attached to your pick up with the 17 ft boat trailer attached to it making your total length about 51 ft is a hazard. Cause you might be in the right lane but if the wind is blowing the wrong way your boat is in the left lane and those foolish oversized mirrors won't even allow you to see that. Your kinda like an out of control anaconda except your on the highway not in the swamp. Suggestion. If you need to transport that much stuff to your destination might i suggest loading it all on a train or a flat bed 18 wheeler.

7. HEY MEGAN FOX! Your beautiful. That mirror hanging in the center of your windshield is NOT for applying your make-up or doing a last minute verification of your beauty before meeting that guy you met online. That mirror and the ones attached out side your driver side and passenger side door are for ensuring that you don't side swipe the family van that just passed you in the centre lane cause your going 100km Hr in the passing lane.

8. SPEED DEAMON! If its rush hour and traffic is backed up in every lane going 20 km Hr it won't matter how far you try and stick your front bumper up my ass i can't go anywhere. If your into that kinda thing i just want you to know i don't play for that team but I'm sure they have a bar in town somewhere where guys hang out that could satisfy that need you seem to have.

9. FENDER BENDER. In Quebec we have a thing called no fault insurance. Its like if your husband cheats on you and you cheat on him...its really no ones fault. NO it doesn't matter who did it first. You wanna take your little BMW and that little Audi out of the centre lane and go over to the shoulder to figure out who did what to who cause the police nor your insurance company cares about the 200 dollar scratch on your bumper or how it got there. GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!

10. TAXI DRIVERS. Your all a bunch of idiots. Not one of you knows how to drive regardless of the needless time you spend sitting in your cab eating salami sandwiches.

11. HE'S ALREADY BUSY! Hey when you see a police car with his lights flashing and another vehicle stopped in front of him its cause the policeman is busy. He's already giving a ticket so he isn't likely to jump back in his car cause he thinks you might have been going 121 Km Hr. So no need to slam on the brakes to slow down he isn't coming to get you anyways.

Got anymore? Please feel free to add them. The simple fact is you could probably go on forever. The sad fact is that its gotten down right dangerous to be out on the road. Everyone gets into their car and closes the door and something really, really bad happens. They forget about everyone else. Yes we all are guilty at one time or another of doing things on the road that we should not. But if everyone just spend 5 minutes thinking and realizing that they are not alone on the road things might just get a little better. So ask me again who has the best and worst drivers. HA!

Happy driving everyone!

Robbie Hellstrom

BLAME THE 11 YEAR OLD

2010-03-31T11:31:00.011-04:00

11 year old Jordan Brown was charged Saturday as an adult in the shooting death of 26-year-old Kenzie Marie Houk, who was 8 months pregnant. (Yes you read that correctly! 11 YEARS OLD!). According to police and the District Attorney in Lawrence County, Pennsylvania the 11 year old took his 20 gauge (his gun used for hunting with his father and not requiring a permit) and shot his father's pregnant girlfriend in their western Pennsylvania farmhouse, then got on the school bus and went to school, authorities said Saturday.

By now if your not shaking your head in total disbelief and astonishment then there might be something wrong with you. But! Then again, given the enormous amount of violence, brutality and treachery which we are exposed to each day you might not be shocked at all. What shocked me were three things;

1. A 26 year old woman Kenzie Marie Houk and her unborn child were brutally slain by her soon to be stepson and that two families have been destroyed by this terrible act.
2. That he is 11 YEARS OLD. No more needs to be said.
3. That the District Attorney John Bongivengo decided to charge the 11 year old as an adult.

Now first let me start by clearly stating that i am not a bleeding heart liberal. Yes my political leanings tend to be more Liberal then Conservative but i do consider myself rather independent in my political views ( i believe in the death penalty for murder or heinous crimes against children and women). Secondly I want to also say that the victims here are Kenzie Marie Houk and her unborn child. They are the victims of this terrible crime. There is no way to justify the act. Any attempt to try and candy coat the earth shattering impact it has had and will have on their families would serve only to undermine this tragedy.

One thing we must do however is try and understand the act and most importantly weigh the logic in charging an 11 Year Old as an adult. It is necessary to ask the questions that need to be asked. To try and gain greater insight into what has happened and more importantly what is happening to the youth in our society. The questions are not simple and the answers are far from clear. The fact however remains that there is an 11 year old who is going to be brought to justice for his act by being put on trial as an adult. The questions are. What purpose does this serve our society? What impact does this have on preventing or deterring similar crimes in the future? Most importantly will ultimately putting him on trial as an adult fix anything that is wrong with today's youth? I probably don't have many of the answers to those questions but i do want to explore some things more indepth.

For any of you who have 11 year olds take a look at them. Now sit back and carefully analyze how they act. What is their level of intellectual intelligence? What are their overall social skills and compartment? What is their ability to rationalize and distinguish between right and wrong? Not right and wrong as in its not OK to pull my 8 year old sisters hair, but their ability to measure the long term implications and consequences of their own actions and the actual real life results. This is where i have a problem. I have an 11 year old. I cannot imagine my child or any other 11 year old taking such a course of action. I cannot imagine what would drive or motivate them to do something like that. At the same time i know how 11 year olds act as i have had 3 of my other children pass that age. I understand to a limited degree their ability to measure actions and the resulting consequences. I am also all to conscious of the incredible impact our current social environment has on them and how they behave. Am i trying to create an excuse for murder? NOT for one single second. But i am not willing to simply throw any 11 year old under the bus simply because we live in some state of denial.

11 year old's of today are not the 11 year old's of yesterday. They are similar but they are different then night is from day. The constant bombardment of violence available from all formats including TV, music, Internet, video games and movies is one element that is completely different then that which an 11 year old growing up in the 70's would have experienced. The transformation of the family unit from two parents to single shared parents and in many cases singular parent models is vastly contrasted to the 11 year old of the 1970's. Our children grow up in a very different world facing very different pressures and exposure then we did 35 years ago. Some might say its easy to look back and make comparisons and to say that that is in no way a justification for the violence and the crime which contaminates the youth of today. In some cases it would be right not to try to hard to look back to see how we were but to focus on how we are now. It would also be easy to write off the change which has occurred and simply blame the obvious. That is unacceptable. This desire we have as a society to blame everyone and anyone else for the current plight of our youth is sickening. We try and blame everything and anything on their habits, their conduct and their actions. We blame Hollywood, the video game producers, we blame the Internet, we blame their teachers, we blame other parents.We blame a weak judicial system, bad judges, lawyers, police. We blame the government. We simply point the finger and the situation grows ever worse.We never ever take responsibility.

That responsibility is clear. The reason its clear is because we are the parents, we are the Internet, we are the film makers and video game makers. We are to blame. We vote for the people who make the laws. We allow our children to see what they see. To be exposed to what they are exposed to. There is no way to protect them or shelter them from everything that is out there but our attempt to limit our liability and responsibility to 10% is sad. So now an 11 year old will stand trial for his crime. There is no doubt that he must be punished for his acts. That he must be made to understand the irreversible effect which his actions have caused. The pain and trauma which results from those actions. The truth though, is we should all be on trial for what we have allowed to happen. What he have accepted is happening in our society and how we have turned a blind eye and tried to blame everyone else for the current results. This child needs to be on trial as a child, he is a child and he is what we have allowed and permitted him to become. The old fall back of, ''he must just be evil'' is a lame excuse for us, for our society. A way for us to simply continue to pass along the blame. This 11 year old boy could be anyone's son, yours or mine. The idea that we can simply write off these actions to rare occurrences has long since past. Don't believe me? Simply type in child killers into an Internet search engine and prepare to be astonished. In reality you won't be astonished because somewhere buried deep in the recess of your mind and heart you already know how off track we have become in regards to raising and managing our young people.

Fear not however my friends for very soon a child will go on trial as an adult and instead of questioning ourselves and our actions we'll simply watch the process. We will not question what we have allowed our society to become and our role in that. Instead of trying to find answers and solutions to what plagues our young people we will simply allow ourselves to believe that the district attorney of Lawrence county Pennsylvania has the answer. We won't seek out tough answers to tough questions. We won't modify anything in our society. We will certainly not modify our behaviour. No we won't do any of those things. What will we do? We'll simply blame the 11 YEAR OLD!

Robbie Hellstrom

DYING TO GET IN

2010-03-11T13:53:00.009-05:00

Is it just me or are things going from bad to worst on a constant basis. Most particularly Health care in this country and specifically in the province of Quebec. It has become abundantly clear that no one and I mean no one has a solution to the current crisis. I am so sick and tired of listening to politicians banter back and forth about who is to blame for the current situation. I am also fatigued by the claims by both Mr. Premier Ministre (Charest) and the Health Minister that the system is generally good. It is abundantly clear that neither they nor anyone of their families spend any amount of time in a Hospital emergency room. It is actually sickening to imagine that these very individuals who claim the system is good would never have to spend one minute let alone 20 hours waiting in an emergency room. What one quickly understands about these individuals is that they are so detached from actual reality that they may as well be living on Mars. Does anyone actually think that the Premier Ministre, Health Minister or the leader of the opposition would be ushered off to the local emergency room by their handlers if they were to fall ill or get injured? That they would sit there with the common folks waiting to be triaged and evaluated only to be told it will take 20 hours before being seen by a doctor? NEVER! Therein lies the biggest problem. How can those who are least affected or touched by a problem be in any position to correct it. What kills me (and for that matter many others for real) is the promises and the lies and the impotency to take any concrete action. Yesterday during question period in the House in Quebec this was the discussion between the Premier Ministre and the leader of the Opposition Madame Marois.

(NOT WORD FOR WORD BUT CLOSE ENOUGH)

Mr. Charest: Since 2003 our government and party has worked tirelessly to repair the debacle created by the previous government.

Madame Marois: Mr. Le Premier Ministre please stop blaming what happened over 7 years ago on the current government. It is you that has been in power for the last 7 years and the problems have not been fixed by your administration and when we were in power people did not die waiting for a heart operation.

Madame Marois: May i remind the ''Premier Ministre'' that he is the leader and that this situation is his responsibility

Mr. Charest: May i remind Madame Marois that this situation is her fault.

WHAT?????? Are you serious? Are you telling me that this is the way the people we elect manage issues facing the government and our society. Nah-Nah your to blame...NAH NAH its not my fault....for God sakes SHUT UP! While they are acting like 10 year olds people are dying. These people aren't from another planet. They are not strangers. They are our fathers, mothers, grand parents, children our brothers and sisters. While these politically motivated and irrelevant politicians debate about who is to blame members of our families die. These are not isolated cases. They are not anomalies, they are an indicator of just how broken the system is. Here is whats happening in the province.

These are some stories from a recent Montreal Gazette article by By CHARLIE FIDELMAN

On Friday, Jean-Guy Pitre, 65, a retired police officer, died after waiting six months for surgery to fix a blocked aorta. His heart operation was delayed because of a lack of beds in the intensive care unit, said officials with the Centre hospitalier de l'Université de Montréal.
Mariette Fournier died Feb. 23 after spending four days in a corridor of the Maisonneuve-Rosemont's ER. Her family wants an inquiry into Quebec's health-care system
Mieczyslaw Figiel died last month in the corridor of Maisonneuve-Rosemont Hospital's emergency room, right next to the triage nursing station where an ambulance had left him that morning. By late afternoon, when the 75-year-old Montrealer was gasping for air, triage couldn't locate his file in the computer. After he stopped breathing, medical staff came to his side with a blood-pressure device and a thermometer.

       "I watched my father pass away before my eyes," Della Figiel, his daughter, said yesterday.

        On Feb. 3, after Figiel fainted at home, an ambulance delivered him to Maisonneuve-
       Rosemont Hospital at 9:45 a.m., hooked to oxygen and a heart monitor. He was still wearing
       his hospital bracelet from a week before. Ambulance staff took their equipment and left him
       with no oxygen or heart monitor right under the window of the triage office. His wife, Helen,
       was by his side. "I showed up at 4 p.m.," said Della Figiel, who drove in from Ottawa. "My
       mother was standing in the hallway. She said they couldn't do anything and there was a 16-
       hour wait to be seen." Operating at about 180-per-cent capacity, the hospital ER was jammed.

Listen the system is terribly broken. It is broken across this country. People are dying as a result of the in-actions of government. The Ontario Government recently released numbers showing that out of every tax dollar collected 40 cents went to health care and that within 10 years that number would jump to 70 cents. According to statistics the amount Canadians spend on health care in 1997 dollars has increased every year between 1975 and 2009 from $39.7 billion to $137.3 billion or a more than doubling of per capita spending from $1,715 to $4089. In 2009 dollars spending is expected to reach $183.1 billion ( a more than five percent increase over the previous year ) or $5,452 per person. Most of this increase in health care costs has been covered by public funds. The greatest proportion of this money goes to hospitals ($51B), followed by pharmaceuticals ($30B), and physicians ($26B). Total spending in 2007 was equivalent to 10.1% of the gross domestic product which was slightly above the average for OECD countries, and below the 16.0% of GDP spend on health care in the United States. The proportion spent on hospitals and physicians has declined between 1975 and 2009 while the amount spent on pharmaceuticals has increased.

The issue at hand is not only the failing of the existing system from an operational and management perspective but what will ultimately (and some say already has) become our inability to support it financially. The common idea has been to throw money at the problem. With a ''that will save it'' mentality. The idea that the system itself is not broken but simply the Political managerial system which supports it, is also WRONG! The true fact is all of it is broken regardless of who wields the stick of power and nothing short of a complete overhaul of the system is going to make it better. When i say overhaul i don't mean an inquiry or commission. I don't mean a few additional tax dollars raised and thrown at the problem. I mean serious ''knock it down and rebuild it''. What do i mean? Well i mean rebuild much more then the system. I mean rebuild the way we think, act and live. Here you go. Instead of just criticizing the problem or lamenting it I'll offer up my 1 cent worth of ideas

1. The administration of health care, the bureaucrats, the administrators, the boards, hospital structures they all need to be deconstructed and rebuilt.

2. The ''addicted to pharmaceuticals'' by both Doctor and patients. The out of control, ''prescribe drugs to fix it'' mentality has to change. The role of pharmaceutical companies in the system needs to be strictly regulated and controlled.

3. The implementation of an incentive program to encourage our youth to become doctors, nurses and medical specialists and to hold onto those already in the system. Including a potential, ''Service for Learning'' model could be adopted and implemented as well as a ''stay and earn more'' program for those already in the system.

4. The obesity factor. Everything from the food manufacturers, distributor and the consumer needs to change. Including heavy tax on food items (Soda, chocolate, cakes, candy etc..) which are predominant causes of obesity and other health problems (all taxes collected go directly back into the health care system).

5. The potential implementation of a modified and strictly controlled ''pay by user'' model needs to be seriously considered.

Now I'm sure your saying Ha! Good luck with any of that. The reality is that if something concrete does not take place there is going to be a health care system in this country that within 20 years will look like what they have in Africa or Mexico (which by the way is none!). The one item which has always been a flash point is number 5. The whole, ''pay as you go'' system. Every time this is mentioned everyone points across the border to the US and says, ''thank good that's not our system.'' The problem with this ideology or philosophy is simply that we have the ability to change our system and build a better one without becoming like the United States. Think about how many times you have seen someone in the Emergency room of a Hospital looking like anything other then an Emergency? 2 or 4 times or more. Sure you have. We all have. In many cases we ourselves have gone to the Emergency room when we were not really an emergency worthy patient. The whole ideology of a State System lends itself to abuse. It has gotten so bad that we have created bogus issues which we use to blame for the systems failure. Instead of looking directly at ourselves and our own actions we turn outward to find other things to blame. The other issue is that people will call you Un-Canadian for proposing such a system as if you wanting a better system makes you a Socialist or uncaring, or greedy. We all better get beyond that nonsense pretty fast because the train wreck is coming and were all either in the train of stuck on the tracks.

To implement a system that could potentially work Government would have to apply;

1. A ''pay as you go'' system would have to insure that those who cannot pay end up getting equal care to those that can. Is this hard? Not really. You implement a system that ensures that new Doctors or nurses coming into the system have to do 4 years in the no pay system before being able to leave for the ''pay as you go'' system. The Government pays for ALL the school bills for these individuals in return for service. Similar to a military, ''serve and learn program''. Government could establish those who cannot pay by annual income, set at a specific amount. Those on Social assistance programs such as Welfare, Unemployment, workers compensation. Those under the age of 18 and those over the age of 70. Those with diagnosed prescribed medical conditions or serious illnesses.

2. Giving back the percentage it currently collects in taxes for health care to each citizen who does not fall into anyone of the groups mentioned above to offset potential, ''pay as you go'' cost to the user.

3. Specific strategies need to be implemented to cover habitual users. (by this i do not mean those with legitimate health issues but those who tax the system in an unreasonable way).

4. This will sound brutal but those individuals who by their own actions and personal life style choices create their medical conditions such as smoking, over eaters (obesity) would not get a free pass into the government paid system. They in fact would have to assume the cost for their own care.

5. A 5% increase to corporate tax to be used directly to re-subsidize Company health care programs which could be used in a direct ''pay as you go'' system.

These are just a few of the ideas that could be used. I am not saying anyone idea alone will fix what is broken. There are many, many others and there are those way more qualified then me to come up with some ways to avert the upcoming train wreck. The hardest part is getting to the place we need to be, not just us but politicians, health-care workers and for that matter everyone. A place where everyone recognizes that if we don't pull together and fix it its going to die.

If your not convinced that anything needs to change then simply go pay a visit to your local emergency room. Or God forbid be forced into one as a result of a sick child, a friend or a member of your family. Then pray the system doesn't fail you as it did Jean-Guy Pitre, Mariette Fournier, Mieczyslaw Figiel or the many others we pretend not to know about.

Robbie Hellstrom

I STAND ON GUARD FOR THEE

2010-03-11T13:35:00.002-05:00

Ok friends let me just start off by saying that yes i was TOTALLY wrong about the Men's Olympic Hockey results. I blew it big time. Both our Men's and Women's teams performed incredibly and both took home GOLD BABY! In the Women's case I don't think there was ever a whole lot of doubt. The women did not disappoint and it was fun watching them take another Gold medal. I was saddened to hear the negative press from the celebration the women held on the ice (with no one in the arena but a few media types). It made me angry that these women were called to behave in a manner that would constantly pass had they been Men. The double standard was disgusting from the media and I think the women deserved to celebrate however they saw fit. Good on you ladies don,t be deterred by a few talking heads.

So i am eating my crow on the men's side big time. Admitting that i was wrong and might i say i am very, very happy to have been. The start for the men was questionable. Especially the first game against the Americans. Perhaps that game was a wake-up call. Or perhaps it was just simply a part of the team bonding process. Whatever it was it certainly didn't make the average Canadian Hockey fan to comfortable. There were however some strong positives working in favour of our men's team. It seems the Russians and Swede's decided to give only 50% and they ended up doing us a big favor. On paper as is often the case the best team did not win Gold. But as always the paper is worthless its what you hang around your neck that counts the most. For our Boys it was Gold and that's all that anyone will ever remember. This team, at home with almost unattainable expectations did what it had to do. It pulled the strength, courage and skill together to create the winning recepie.

These games marked a potential turning point for Olympic Hockey. With no guarantee the NHL will compete is Sochi Russia in 2014 it might have been the last opportunity we Canadians get to see the very best our country produces on a sheet of ice together. If that is the case it will be a sad day for Hockey while at the same time it will restore the original Olympic spirit of amateur sport. I truly believe that having amateurs compete in Olympic Hockey would actually be good for the sport world wide. I believe it has the ability to grow the sport more then having NHLer's participate. The reason i say this is simple. Most youngster watching the Pro's play in the Olympics realize that that is a rare, if not impossible dream to make it to the NHL. If the players were still amateurs while playing in the Olympics it gives a better perception of the opportunity that might still exist for some young boy hoping one day to achieve hockey greatness. Prior to the NHL being involved in sending players to the Games almost all the players (minus Russia and the Czech) were amateur. Many of those players never made it to the NHL after competing in the games. However many of their names still remain common as a result of their performances during those 2 weeks every 4 years. I think if you want to build hockey worldwide you have to start by making it seem like it is possible to achieve great things without looking singularly at the NHL as an example of all hockey has to offer.

Whatever ends up happening will never change the past. it won’t change the Gold in Salt lake City or the 7th place finish in Torino or the most recent Gold. Canada's sport is hockey and whatever decision is made concerning Sochi in 2014 you can rest assured that Canadian televisions will be glued to every game involving our men's team.

Robbie Hellstrom

FROM 7TH to 5TH

2010-02-15T21:19:00.003-05:00

Well boys and girls its time again. Yes every 4 years the frenzy comes back. The total insanity that is men's hockey during the Olympics. Many still hold fresh the fantastic accomplishment in Salt Lake City in 2002 but more importantly the disastrous finish in 2006 in Turin. That year it was the Swede's winning gold, the Finn's taking silver and the Czech's taking Bronze. The Canadian team finished 7th. Yeah i know your trying to forget. AH but as you know in Canada their is no forgetting, good, bad or ugly.

So here we are in 2010 with the games on home soil in Rainy, windy, foggy, sleety Vancouver, Richmond or Whistler i can't really be sure. Twelve teams have qualified for the men's event and will be split into three groups of four teams. At the request of the your friendly neighbourhood NHL and that midget, sorry assed, excuse for a commissioner Bettman; asked that the preliminary round be reduced to 3 games. Following the completion of the preliminary round, all teams will be ranked 1 through 12 based on points. The top four ranked teams will receive byes to the quarter-finals, and the other eight teams will play for the remaining four positions. Following that, the final eight teams will compete in a playoff. For the first time, Olympic games will be played on a narrower NHL-sized ice rink, measuring 61 metres × 26 metres (200 ft × 85 ft), instead of the international size of 61 m × 30 m (200 ft × 98.5 ft). Now some might think this gives some type of advantage to US and Canadian players. This however is far from the case. A large majority of teams competing have sizable NHL stars playing regularly on these ice surfaces. So hence there goes the imaginary advantage.

The Canadian team looks like this for this years Olympics:

GOALIES
Martin Brodeur (New Jersey Devils) (Montreal, Quebec)
Marc-Andre Fleury (Pittsburgh Penguins) (Sorel, Quebec)
Roberto Luongo (Vancouver Canucks) (Montreal, Quebec)

DEFENCEMEN
Dan Boyle (San Jose Sharks) (Ottawa, Ontario)
Drew Doughty (Los Angeles Kings) (London, Ontario)
Duncan Keith (Chicago Blackhawks) (Penticton, B.C.)
Scott Niedermayer (Anaheim Ducks) (Cranbrook, B.C) *Team Captain*
Chris Pronger (Philadelphia Flyers) (Dryden, Ontario) *Alternate Capt.*
Brent Seabrook (Chicago Blackhawks) (Tsawassen, B.C.)
Shea Weber (Nashville Predators) (Sicamous, B.C.)

FORWARDS
Patrice Bergeron (Boston Bruins) (Sillery, Quebec)
Sidney Crosby (Pittsburgh Penguins) (Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia) *Alternate Capt.*
Ryan Getzlaf (Anaheim Ducks) (Regina, Saskatchewan)
Dany Heatley (San Jose Sharks) (Calgary, Alberta)
Jarome Iginla (Calgary Flames) (St. Albert, Alberta) *Alternate Capt.*
Patrick Marleau (San Jose Sharks) (Aneroid, Saskatchewan)
Brenden Morrow (Dallas Stars) (Carlyle, Saskatchewan)
Rick Nash (Columbus Blue Jackets) (Brampton, Ontario)
Corey Perry (Anaheim Ducks) (London, Ontario)
Mike Richards (Philadelphia Flyers) (Kenora, Ontario)
Eric Staal (Carolina Hurricanes) (Thunder Bay, Ontario)
Joe Thornton (San Jose Sharks) (ST. Thomas, Ontatio)
Jonathan Toews (Chicago Blackhawks) (Winnipeg, Manitoba)

It certainly will be interesting to see how this team gels together. The thing to watch this year will be the emergence of younger players who play in their first Olympic games. Stars such as Crosby, Towes, Fleury and Bergeron will make for some interesting analyses after everything is said and done. Several players that were part of the 2006 Olympic team were left off the roster, including Vincent Lecavalier, Shane Doan, Simon Gagne, Ryan Smyth, Martin St. Louis, Robyn Regehr and Bouwmeester. As a result, the Canadian team will be relatively young. Twelve of the 23 players are currently 25 or under. These players had better take advantage of the moment because as of 2009, it has not yet been decided if the NHL will participate in the 2014 Winter Olympics in Russia. A deal will have to be negotiated between the NHL and NHLPA in the Collective Bargaining Agreement. NHL management is hesitant to commit to the tournament; Bettman argues the Olympic break is a "strain on the players, on the schedule and on fans", adding that "the benefits we get tend to be greater when the Olympics are in North America than when they're in distant time zones." According to Bettman, most of the NHL team owners agree with his position, and feel that the league does not receive enough benefits to justify the schedule break and risk of player injuries.

OK folks so here it is my prediction for the Olympic medals.

RUSSIA Gold
CZECH Silver
SWEDEN Bronze

So what of our Team Canada. Well unfortunately look no further then 5th spot right behind Finland and one spot in front of the Americans. Why do i believe this? Well the Canadian talent is young. There is some good senior talent but i don't think the team will be successful in blending the two to create a wining recipe. The youth should provide some interesting entertainment but i think that talent can have some serious negative impacts on the whole team aspect required to win at these Olympics. Due to the fact that these youngsters hardly ever play together can cause some serious balance shifts in the, ''play like a team'' mentality. Then there is the goaltending issue. Brodeur has not been particularly hot lately. Luongo does not give me a whole lot of confidance going in and Fleury is young. Fleury however might be the key to any success beyond a 5th place finish if they give him a chance to play. I also believe simply that the home rink advantage will turn out to be anything but. The media scrutiny will simply play against our guys. I also think if you size up the team against the type of hockey being played by the Russians; this will leave our guys looking flat and winded. Combined with the complete team the Czech will put on the ice and the talent in the Swedish Team leaves no chance for a medal finish this year. But hey! I could be wrong.

DO YOU BELIEVE? Or more appropriately. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?

Robbie Hellstrom

WINDBAG-LIMBAUGH

2010-01-19T18:07:00.005-05:00

"You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours." President Shepherd from the movie, ''The American President''. In a society driven by the the first amendments freedom of speech such is the reality of today's world or more appropriately the American society. Recently and not for the first time one windbag in particular has had absolutely no trouble exercising that right regardless of the lack of value of anything he has to say. He hides behind the ''Freedom of Speech'' uses it as his weapon. His name is Rush Limbaugh.

For a long time i wrote off Rush Limbaugh as nothing more then a balding, girth enlarging, red neck, sexually frustrated, well-to-do republican mouth piece. I have listen on numerous occasion as he has attacked everything that comes from the Liberal side of politics. I have watched him make a fool of himself and shook my head as he brushed off this responsibility to act as a responsible journalist. I was surprised in a small way when we all found out that the windbag had been breaking the law and was found in possession of illegally acquired pain medication. I was not surprised however at how he brushed it off and held himself to a completely different standard then that which he would have held a high profile Liberal caught in the same situation. That is how Windbags like Limbaugh operate. They have one standard for themselves and another for whoever they happen to be targeting. I guess it is fitting when you realize you must have to take allot of medication to try and free yourself from a never ending echoing storm of nonsense and bullshit that swirls around in that balding head. For the longest time i wondered why he was so frustrated ( i figured it was from lack of sex). Why he spent so much time screaming at the moon. It then dawned on me. It wasn't because he needed to scream at it, it was because he knew someone had to be listening. He was in some demented form brilliant, for he knew that eventually the screaming would attract the curious and if you can scream enough of your wind you can actually find an audience. You see intelligence isn't what is in large commodity in America at least not with those who listen to screamers at the moon. Rush knew this, he also knew that to maintain and grow the audience he had to shock. You see logic, common sense, ideas and answers do not appeal to the scream listeners. Oh no! They want shock and awe. Not the facts, not the truth, just dramatics. So Windbag gave it to them.

There was a part of me that wanted to write off Rush Limbaugh and most importantly his audience. I lulled myself into believing that only bigots, and racists, and fear mongers were the ones listening to his screams. As time progressed however i started to realize that writing off all his listeners as just a bunch of redneck, intelligence challenged, gun toting Republicans was a cop out on my part. You see my friends i am neither a liberal nor a conservative. I am neither Red, Blue or Green. My beliefs and political views tend to cover a broad spectrum. While i have more predominantly Liberal leanings i am by far not a liberalist. Let me explain; I believe in the Death Penalty. I believe in a Woman's right to choose, I believe in the right to own firearms. I believe in immigration, yet i don't subscribe to reasonable accommodation. I believe in same sex marriage. I believe in legalizing marijuana. In considering my own political beliefs i recognized that not all of Limbaugh's listeners could be simply written off to some specific groups or more importantly to one specific political party (Republican). There had to be more to it all.

Then out of nowhere it hit me one evening while quietly enjoying a movie. The movie was ''The American President''. Near the end of the film the President takes the podium to discuss his republican rival (named Bob Rumson) who has been spewing garbage, lies and his own version of things to the American public. The President has watched as his approval ratings have plunged due to his refusal to enter into a useless war of words with the Windbag President wanna be. When he finally has enough he sets forth in a speech with some incredible words which i think perfectly helps explain Rush Limbaugh...(so read this and replace Rumson with Limbaugh) ''I've known ~~Bob Rumson~~ (Rush Limbaugh) for years. And I've been operating under the assumption that the reason ~~Bob~~ (Rush) devotes so much time and energy to shouting at the rain (moon) was that he simply didn't get it. Well, I was wrong. ~~Bob's~~ (Rush's) problem isn't that he doesn't get it. ~~Bob's~~ (Rush's) problem is that he can't sell it! We have serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them. And whatever your particular problem is, I promise you ~~Bob Rumson~~ (Rush Limbaugh) is not the least bit interested in solving it. He is interested in two things, and two things only: making you afraid of it, and telling you who's to blame for it. That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win elections. You gather a group of middle age, middle class, middle income voters who remember with longing an easier time, and you talk to them about family (Earthquakes and security and economic stimulus), and American values and character, and you wave a flag (talk about Haiti, and accountability and liberal conspiracies) ~~an old photo of the President's girlfriend~~ and you scream about patriotism (and taxes and unfair politics). You tell them ~~she's~~ (Obama's and democrats) are to blame for their lot in life. And you go on television and you call ~~her~~ (him a capitalist and an opportunist) ~~a whore''~~. Wow! Noting in my mind could more accurately describe Rush Limbaugh and the game to which he subscribes.

What you always notice about a person who screams at the moon is their total lack of ideas. They simply have none.You won't see their name on a Ballot, you won't see them contribute to society or their community in any concrete manner. All you will see or more likely hear them do is capitalize on disasters, immigration, poor economies, wars or any other subject proposed by the mass media. They use these events to tone up the rhetoric to keep themselves current, to show they are of value, to falsify their knowledge and to render those not smart enough to think for themselves content. When Limbaugh went after the President and the current disaster in Haiti he did the only thing he could. You see Limbaugh is impotent to actually contribute anything of value to assist in this tragic event. He took the low road and played the lowest common denominator. Such is the fascinating thing about these talking head windbags. Their only solution to any problem it to change whoever is in charge if the person in charge does not subscribe to their narrow minded lack of idea position. But wait it gets better. The Windbag does not really even have a position. They know nothing of how to criticize constructively, to offer up positive ideas. NO! Making outlandish, foolish and inflammatory comments which only serve to wind up the listeners is their only possible contribution. The funny and simultaneously sad thing about the windbag is that they know exactly what they are doing whenever they open their mouths. Don't think for one second that you can write them or their words off to simple wind and nonsense. You cannot. Rush Limbaugh knows exactly what his words will incite and he gets pleasure out of it. It is his ''Raison D'etre''.

On the Haiti topic Limbaugh did the unthinkable, he did exactly what he accused Obama of doing. He politicized a human tragedy to increase his own ratings. He used human suffering and despair to increase his own net worth. He used the desire of not only a President but of a World to step up and act with their hearts and their wallets. He used the right intentions of a caring society to push his own narrow minded anti-social agenda. He does so all the while cloaking himself in the First Amendment right to, ''Free Speech''. If there is anyone that has been able to look at the images of dead children lying on the side of the road, or a mother hysterical over the loss of her child, or seniors starving under a 92 degree sun and then turn that tragedy into a personal opportunity needs no recognition. The reality is they need nothing from us other then our sympathy or more appropriately our disgust.

In Limbaugh's case he needs the following; that screaming, those words, that wind is measured in dollars earned. If you look at the radio in your car, home or at work you will notice a button marked ''On-Off'' the only way to stop a windbag like Limbaugh is to simply switch it to ''OFF'' That my friends stops the screaming and in the end is the ultimate use of your ''free speech''.

Robbie Hellstrom

14 DAYS IN....ITS BAD

2010-01-14T14:49:00.009-05:00

We are 14 days into the New Year and already 2010 is looking like a year we might want to forget. Its funny how when we arrive at the end of a year we get this feeling of excitement about the New Year which lays only days away. We begin to dream about the, ''what might be'' we begin to plan how we are truly going to make this new year special, how we are going to use the changing calendar as an opportunity to start anew. Unfortunately more times then not the new year only continues to be part of the last year with no discernable difference other then the number obvious on the calendar we hang on the refrigerator door.

HAITI

Use one of the following organizations for donations. Stick with these reputable charities to ensure maximum impact for the dollars you donate http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/ , http://www.redcross.org/ , http://www.worldvision.org/ , www.OxfamAmerica.org/Haiti . Haiti is one of if not the most impoverished Nations in the Western Hemisphere. As a rule of thumb the people living there have little or nothing and since this magnitude 7.0 earthquake which is believed to have taken between 50,000-100,000 lives they now have less then nothing. Think about that. Less then nothing. GO TO THESE OR ONE OF YOUR PREFERED CHARITIES TO MAKE A SMALL CONTRIBUTION. IT WILL HELP.

AMERICAN POLITICS

You know i had as many others did, this incredible sense of something amazing about to happen back in November of 2008. I didn't want to believe it was possible for the Americans to actual take a gigantic step forward not only for their own country but for the entire world. On that warmish November night I was proven wrong and i watched with a big heart and a sense of renewed optimism in January of 2009 as Obama was sworn in as President. Almost 1year has now past and that sense of optimism has turned back to my original pessimism about Americans and their self-destructive nature. Don't get me wrong I'm not an American basher, I love them to death, I have worked in the US, I have visited and lived in the US. At times i have watched in complete awe as they do incredible things. I have watched them take action around the world (excluding the wars) while other nations have sat idly by. The sad part is they just don't seem to be able to keep themselves on track. This whole era of hope was built on the idea that the status quo had to go. That partnership was the way to accomplish the task that lay at hand. Unfortunately it has turned back to the same old, same old. Politics in the US is quite similar to their attitude about war. Its just never enough for them. They seem to need to wage war internally as much as they do externally. They have turned their political system of red and blue into nothing more then a civil war. Instead of North and South they have Republican and Democrats. No need for bullets or cannons, they have the media and its talking heads and they will do just fine thank you very much. Over the last few weeks especially they have sank to new levels of low. It started back on Christmas day with the attempted terrorist attack by Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab on NWA flight 253. Since then the Reds (Republicans) have been attacking the Blue (Democrats) more particularly Obama about their inability to keep the nation safe. PARDON ME! SAFE you say. Yup, according to past New York Mayor and Republican presidential wanna be Rudy Giuliani there was never an attack on the US during George W Bush's administration. HUH? Wasn't he the President on Sept 11, 2001? Maybe i'm mistaken. Wasn't there an Anthrax attack that lasted 4 weeks during his Presidency also in 2001? NAH he wasn't President in 2001. Didn't a guy named Richard Reid try and blow up a plane on December 22, 2001 with a shoe bomb on a flight from Paris to Miami? COULDN'T BE! You know what the worst part of all of this is? The media actually plays up statements like Giuliani's as if they are facts. The talking heads of the Reds propagate the nonsense and drive it down an eager publics throat. You want to know the truly sad part? The American people actually eat it up, believe it, recycle it and use it (in the voting box) to move the country forward. That's not forward people that's backwards!!!

SARAH PALIN

SHE'S BACK. UGHHHHH! "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008. Do i need to say more? Well she's back with her book ''Going Rogue'', and now she is going to have her own on air show at FOX (the Bastien of fair and balanced media). You know what scares me is that people actually think she is qualified to be the President of the United States. That there are actually way to many who would actually put a check mark beside her name on a ballot. What the hell does that tell you about the people in the United States. She is one scary assed woman. You could go on and on about her but that only lends credibility to nonsense.

KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN EATING LIPS (AKA HARPER)

Do you remember when you were in high school and there was always one teacher who came across as being condescending (well maybe more). Who walked around and you got this sense that he didn't give a shit about you, how you were doing, or if teenage life was treating you well. When you spoke to them they acted interested but you could just tell they just wanted you to finish talking so they could go get a coffee and in essence didn't give a shit what you had to say or thought. Well let me introduce you to Stephen Harper, he's not a teacher though. Nope! He is the minority (for the second time) Prime Minister of Canada who just prorogued parliament because...well.... he has more important things take care of. The economy isn't bad enough, the whole torture issue in Afghanistan isn't important enough, no, no, no the Olympics might get in the way of parlimentary business, sooooooo. Close her down Baby! I wish there was some alternative to this red neck clown other then Jacky boy and Ignat...i can't even be bothered to spell his name. This Countries politics is sad and its not going to get any better any time soon.

THE OLYMPICS

I'm sorry to my sport loving readers but i can't get behind the Olympics. I just can't. I mean listen McDonald's is the ''official'' restaurant of the Olympic Games. WHAT!!! Common what does fast food and athletics have to do with each other other then millions of dollars of marketing value. There are no more amateur athletes in the games unless of course you count the ski jumpers and bobsledders. Hey, name a Ski jumper or a Bobsledder. I think the Olympics must have meant something once but now they are nothing more then an excuse to pound out advertising and products. Oh and before anyone goes off about, ''yes but you know these obscure athletes training on their own giving it their all and getting no support that's what the Olympics are all about, perseverance''. Listen, since the ''Own The Podium'' initiative was introduced the funding for ''amateur'' athletes has increased to over $90 million dollars per year. That's $90 million Tax payer dollars by the way. The funding was increased for which reason exactly? Because the government and our society so supports our ''amateur'' athletes? AH NO! It was because the government and sports powers that be could not accept the potential that their might not be a SIGNIFICANT podium performance by our athletes on home turf in 2010. That is why the funding was increased, it was all about athletics and the athletes and the value we put on them here in this country. To quote Dr, Evil, ''Yeah Right''.

There are so many major challenges facing humanity at this time and more importantly issues facing our own Nation for me to support the outlandish amount of money being spent by governments on these games. Anyone who claims that the games will not in the end cost the taxpayers money is a fool. The games are going to tax resources which could be spent more appropriately on health care, jobs, the economy, world aid and i don't know maybe the refugees in Darfur could use a $100 million of the estimate $400 million plus the Canadian tax payers are going to have to pay for security overruns alone. I wonder if that might feed a few starving children's mouths. The Harper Government has committed $5 Million to the Haiti recovery. $5 million? Because you know there is way more value in seeing a Canadian athlete on TV atop the podium with a Gold Medal around their neck, a Big Mac in one hand and a Coke in the other with the maple leaf fluttering in the back ground. Thats a much better photo opt then there is in seeing a dead child lying on the side of the road in an earthquake torn country.

Don't get me wrong people, i love sports, anyone who knows me knows i love sports probably way to much. I made a living off of sports. I admire the athletes and their dedication and talent. But truly what the hell is wrong with us. We need serious reflection in this country (as well as many others). We need to start doing concrete things to change the direction we are going. Oh and before anyone starts with the spirit of sports and the games and what they do to bring awareness to the world. SAVE IT PLEASE! The games in China have done nothing to increase the democratic process in that Country. NO WAIT, IT DID! Oh yes! Just recently Google has said it might pull all access to its services in that country as it was discovered that the Chinese Government had been hacking its site to get and use information against dissidents in that country. Yeah the Olympics did wonders for raising awareness. GO CANADA GO! DO YOU BELIEVE?

You know what people if you still have your 2009 calendar you might want to put it back up! 2010 is not off to a good start. Don't worry though 2011 is only 350 days away (well actually 352 its a leap year). Or maybe NOT!

Robbie Hellstrom

TIGER TAILS

2009-12-28T16:02:00.004-05:00

For the sake of full disclosure let me start by stating that i am not a big fan of Tiger Woods. I never have been. I have been awe struck and fascinated at his incredible ability. I have watched dumbfounded at some of the shots he has made and the events he has won. But i never was a, ''Fan''. I didn't dislike him i just found him hard to like. I preferred to cheer on the underdogs and the guys you just wanted to do well but so often let us down on the course. I have also been the perpetrator of infidelity. I have cheated. That having been said, here is my 1 cent on the whole TIGER DRAMA.

Is what Tiger did a Bad thing? NO doubt about it. Is it self destructive? Yes it is. Does it cause unmeasurable collateral damage? Bigger then an ''A'' Bomb. Should he be ashamed of his conduct? Absolutely! Is it anyone's business what he did, (or ''who'' for what matter) or how he conducts his off the links life? NOT A CHANCE!!! Oh yes before you start pounding your PC keys with the regular '' he is a role model'', ''he has an obligation to his fans'', ''he is a public figure''. Just hold your fingers up in the air for a few seconds and contemplate the following;

Have you ever made a mistake? Done things your not particularly proud of nor want to share with even your closest friends and family? Do you have skeleton's in your closet? The answer to those questions is 100% YES. If you said NO your either delusional, a liar or the most boring person on the face of the earth. There in lies the issue. This story is not about his golf, his conduct in the field of play, his contribution to numerous charities, his community participation or anything to do about the athlete. Its about his life, a life not private simply due to the profession he chooses. The profession he has become the face of. A blogger at yahoo sport wrote in part this, ''But that just-golf-it mindset doesn't account for the fact that Woods is not "just a golfer," he's the public face of an entire corporation. What he does on his own time is not his own business, not when his actions can do financial harm to those who have invested hundreds of millions in his image. That financial impact, not the "more mistresses or more majors?" question, is the real story here''. BUT IN FACT THAT IS NOT THE REAL STORY HERE. That is how you fuel the fire but more importantly how you fuel the justification to continue to make an issue of someones private life and conduct.

What is currently going on in Woods and his families life isn't a game, its not a highlight reel. It's not to be dissected on Sports Centre or the sports sections of your favorite newspaper. What it is, is numerous peoples lives being dramatically changed forever. Tiger is as much responsible for his image as those in the media and the corporate sponsors who lined up to make him the face of THE TOUR, THE SPONSORS and the GAME. The talking heads and the media lapped up his every move, his every historical shot, his superhuman ability like dying men in a desert who just found water. It was ugly. The groping (used for effect here) over him was rather perverse. So before anyone claims that he alone claimed the title as, ''the face of Golf'' needs to know they are as much responsible for him being the face of golf as Tiger himself. Yet now as the face gets less attractive comes the holier then thou, ''we are good and you are bad'' shame on you Tiger, attacks at which the media is so well versed. The shark frenzy for blood and guts, sensationalism and pure absurdity.

Tiger Woods is and was the face of golf because everyone made him that. The haters as well as the die hard fans. I never saw Tiger contribute in any way to his fame off the course other then by simply being who he was on the golf course. It was his play, his ability to out smart his opponents, his ability to stay upright while those around him crumbled to their knees. His ability to make the shots that mortal men and golf pro's alike could only dream of. Tiger was often criticized for not being friendly enough, for being dull and monotone during interviews, for not opening up about his life, for coming across as condescending, for not being more personable. Yet you couldn't attack his game. Oh yes, over the short 13 years he has dominated golf we have heard the talking heads in the booth with a microphone tell us what is wrong with his swing, every broadcaster, ex pro or guy who once held a club had advice for Tiger and his game. They knew what he needed to fix and why. They spewed crap at an industrial rate and all the while Tiger went on winning. As he did, The Tour, The Players, The Sponsors, The Fans, and The Media went on riding the coat tails of his greatness.

Since this escapade has broken I have listened to fellow players take stabs at Woods now that he is down. Where they could not beat him or surpass him on the links they now try into the microphone and become simply another voice amongst the talking heads. I have listened to them deny or downplay his importance to the sport. I have wanted to vomit from second class players who rode the same coat tails as the sponsors, broadcast corporations and the media to record setting amounts of money. There is something very wrong with listening to a bunch of millionaires attack the one person who allowed them to become what they are today. You get to see the true spirit of a man when asked to comment on the life of another. You see their true colors at that moment. You see their insight into themselves and how each of them has or has not accepted that this moment in golf history is not about taking down a man but helping to rise him up. So many of them have failed. John Daly perhaps the most unlikely character given his own challenges said, "I'm not happy with the way some of our players have responded. I think that's their way of getting back, because they know they can't beat him at golf''. "I pray and hope they both get through it and if they ever need anything from me, both of them, I'll be happy to talk to them because I love them both. "He said he had tried to contact the fallen superstar. "I feel like if there's anybody in this world -- after what I've gone through, the ups and downs -- I might give him some advice," Daly said. "They always say there is nobody bigger than the game of golf, but right now in these times there is, and it's him." He seems to be one of the few players who has remotely a clue.

I have listened to the sponsors as they withdraw their support and how they candy coat their own tainted images at the expense of Tigers. It is sickening and distasteful and it smells bad. I believe that the true demonstration of greatness of an organization is not how it capitalizes on something that is good for it, but how it handles what might potentially be bad for it. How it recognizes and resists the pressure from the zealots. How it stands behind something that needs fixing. That is the true demonstration of a company i want to do business with. Not one that decides to abandon its face simply because it doesn't like the view in the mirror. When the new television deal is negotiated and new calls for sponsorship dollars are made by a Tour without Tiger we'll see just how much class these corporations really have. Don't hold your breath!

There is a true sadness to this story. It is about a woman, two children and countless other family members dramatically affected by a man's conduct. A family that in many ways will never ever be the same regardless of how Woods and his wife decide to proceed. This event, this indiscretion will forever be part of their fabric. The fact is they will move on from this, with dedication and commitment they can raise their children well and live good lives. You would think however by reading some aspects of the story as told by the talking heads that he had murdered people. No in effect he did not. He did what millions (notice i said millions not a few thousand) men have done in their lives. Cheat on there wife. It is shameful, and to underestimate its impact is to dismiss it out of hand as nothing more then men being men. That is a piss poor excuse. It shouldn't be downplayed or diminished it is what it is. A tragedy for all those involved. You get the sense however that this story has become far to great for the scope of the transgression. That there is some type of pornographic fascination with seeing him fall.

Someone once said, ''In the absence of truth their is only perception and perception becomes reality''. Let me ask a tough question though. Where are all the challenges to these women with whom Tiger cheated? Where is the criticism of them and their conduct, their characters? Where are the attacks? Is it a double standard?No..no..no lets not question them or their morals for sleeping with a married man. Lets not challenge them about who they are and how they conduct their lives. After all they are the victims here. Right? EXCUSE ME! There is one victim here and her name is Elin Nordegren. These other woman who took when the taking was good, who closed their eyes because the benefits (wink wink) far out weighed integrity, honesty, honor or respect. So now they come out and discuss the sordid details and share the intimacies, Its time for the truth now! WHAT? They go one TV with a rabid media only for the money because Mr. Woods wallet has dried up. The ''call girl agencies'' come forward now only because the attention and publicity can in some way replace the 25 to 60K he was rumored to have spent with them on any given weekend. It shows the level of integrity of these people and the agencies who took his dollars, protected his identity when things were good but immediately begin searching for new dollars by selling their stories now that he has gone. The disgusting part is we the public eat it up and ask no questions let alone the hard ones. These women, these agencies, are at every level and should be at every level, held equally responsible as Mr. Woods himself. Woods doesn't nor should he get a pass. Nor should these women.

The so called experts, those who have never met the man or his wife claim to know what is going on. What went on in their relationship. The talking heads tell you about how Tiger is a sex addict, how his wife should or should not leave him. About how his image is being affected. They talk about him as if they truly know the man. Those same talking heads tell us that he should come forward. That he should spill the story, the whole story. He should do that why? To appease our appetites for the little tidbits of their private life. To make us feel in the know, for damage control? I think the damage has been done and it truly matters not what else we could possibly find out. Its like saying the ship is sinking after being hit by a torpedo. It doesn't bloody well matter if the torpedo had lipstick on it and was dressed as a goat or whether 9 torpedo's hit. The ship is Frigging sinking people...AND THATS THAT!

There is a part of me that hopes that Woods goes away for 5 years. Sits on the sidelines as the Tour rallies and flounders to find the ''NEW FACE'' only to find that there was only ''ONE''. Sits by as TV ratings fall off, sponsorship dollars dry up. While the same pro's that attacked him stammer to explain the dropping attendance, rating and purses. Then i hope he returns with a belly like Craig Stadler, an Afro from the 1970's, wearing pants like John Daly is currently sporting; with a ting in his speech reminiscent of ''Huggy Bear'' from Starsky and Hutch and a stunning blonde Swede on his arm looking as beautiful as she does now. I hope he then dominates the field, destroys it and takes golf to new heights. I hope he then Beats Jack's major wins record and on that day steps up to the micro phone, looks out at the fans, the media, the Tour officials, the sponsors; shakes his head and simply says............NOTHING and walks away for good this time. Its what we all deserve for our double standards!

Robbie Hellstrom

The Fall of Summer

2009-11-21T14:04:00.005-05:00

Well hello people! How in the heck are you all after this glorious summer(NOT!)? Holy crap my 3 to 4 months break turned into 7 plus months. Holy Crap! Its almost Winter. Did you have a great summer? Were you well behaved? Did you drink to much and fall in your sister-in-laws pool or worst knock your mother-in-law in? Go for a pee in a poison ivy bush? Throw-up at your cousins wedding? Get caught fooling around in your neighbours spa? Play naked volleyball? Wake up in a strange bed in a strange house with someone who's name just escaped you? Huuummmmm. End up starting up a relationship with someone only to find out you were just some BET? Well I would like to say I did at least some of the above but unfortunately i did not. Summer this year consisted of two things for me, work and cursing at the bad weather. Is it just me or is there something wrong with the word, "warming" in "global warming", because if this is some scientists idea of warming I'd like to have back what we had before the whole, "the earth is dying", "inconvenient truth" era, blah..blah..blah. This summer did have some highlights and some low lights. Some moving moments and some truly screwed up moments. I am happy to be back behind the keyboard and look forward to the next 6 to 8 months trying to entertain you in some small way with somethingaboutnothing. So here is some commentary and thoughts since my last blog in May.

* Obama,Obama,Obama. Why am i starting to have flashbacks to the Jimmy Carter era? My greatest fear (after i got over not believing Americans would actually elect you) was what would you do after you got elected. I mean talk about great expectations and delivering the goods on all those stump speeches. Inheriting a dying (dead) economy, a totally screwed up and non existent foreign policy (well if you don't include water boarding), two wars (ok ok ok fighting a bunch of scarf wearing road side bombing insurgents (where did the word insurgents come from anyways?) doesn't really qualify as war but just the same. You sure set the bar high on the expectations and unfortunately your not quite exceeding or for that fact meeting them. The whole health care debate issue should have been left for after the jobs started to come back, the banks had credit to lend, your exit strategy in Iraq was in full application and you had brought some sort of stability to your national foreign policy. Unfortunately back in January i wrote a blog talking about how i feared you sounded like the new leader of a company brought in to re-engineer things with a large group of "advisers". Who then proceed to take 6 months to decide if the woman and mens Bathroom doors should be painted blue and pink. On a scale of 1 to 10 on living up to expectations (the ones you created) Barrack i have to give you a 4. I'm still in your corner man but please do something to change the direction and i don't mean sitting down for a beer with an elitist black professor and a every Saturday afternoon beer and barbecue cop. That just isn't going to avoid you being a one term President, Mr. President.

H1N1 VIRUS, yes my friends if you like many others have spent a whole lot of wasted time worrying about the axis of evil, the terrorists, midget North Koreans, holocaust denying Iranians, run away asteroids, natural resources cannibal China, etc.. Let it go because the most likely catastophic planet (or should i say human) killer will most likely come in the form of a super virus or super bug which we will have no capacity to defend against. If you look at the last few years and reflect on SARS, Avian, Swine, Pavro and H1N1; the idications are pretty clear that planes, box cutters and scarf wearing insurgents are the least of our worries. I`m Not qualified to comment further about the true capacity for all of humanity to be wiped off the face of the planet i will simply say the writing is on the..cough,cough,cough...never mind I think i have a fever!

What the hell is up with Canadian politics? Ha fooled you. Nothing is up with Canadian politics its the same old boring useless crap its always been. One note though. If you have a chance check out the secretly (yeah right) filmed speech on you tube given by our tight ass reformist/conservative leader. If you want to see who is really leading this country take a look. You get to see the true color of blue or in fact redneck. Then again we don't have any choices to turn to. Do we? We have Michael Igna... (shit i can't even be bothered to spell his name) and we have Jack ''i never met a camera i didn't like'' Layton. I mean common people is it just me or is this a joke. Its funny how no one takes us seriously.

Ok i couldn't pass up the chance to bitch about the weather. I mean common...we spend 8 months of the year wrapped in a variety of animal skins to keep us warm. All in the eternal hope for those 4 months (which are in fact 3, you can't really count May). What in the hell is going on? Did Mother nature get dumped? Did she have a mid life crisis in the midst of our lives? I got sick and tired of the weather forecasters talking about how it, really wasn't that bad". Tell me people, what profession do you know of where you can actually be wrong like 50 to 75% of the time and still keep your job? I can tell you. A meteorologist (they like to be called that instead of the weather man or woman). You know what? If you have "ologist" at the end of your professions name you need to be right more then 25% of the time. I mean imagine going to your gynecologist; being told your pregnant and it being only 25% accurate, yeah you'd be going back to that "ologist" often wouldn't you? Didn't think so! Ok so i regress let me get back to my original thought. I got tired of all the meteorologist bullcrap so I wrote down every day this summer where the daytime temperature exceeded 30 degrees (in my area). You see this year, back in April the meteorologists forecast the East of the country to have above normal temperatures with below average rain fall according to the "ologists". Well friends in my wonderful summer i recorded 6 days from June 15th to September 15 where the temp was 30 or above. That's 6 days! That's a friggin menstrual cycle in a 3 month period (wait that didn't come out right) anyways you get what I'm saying. It rained 17 out of 31 days in July..thats below normal percipitation? The summer SUCKED! Can we have back the time before global warming please! And Mother nature were really sorry that you got cheated on but please take it out on someone else or for that matter somewhere else.

BRIEF POINTS:

* Were losing to many young women and men in Afganisthan
* Welcome back the GP in Montreal in 2010...yeah baby!
* Someone please tell Quebec politicians we really don`t give a shit!
* Is Hillary Clinton a woman?
* Calling the President a liar is probably not good for your career
* Calling our prime Minister a ''kentucky fried chicken eating lip face'' is probably good for a laugh.
* Kanye West needs a copy of ''How not to be a dumb ass, lack of respect, rapping asshole For Dummies'' book.

POP IS DEAD, POP IS DEAD...for god sakes Pop died somewhere between 1988 and 1992 depends on who you listen to (literally). Well according to some it died for real this time in mid June with the untimely passing of Michael Jackson. Shit i though he died in the Thriller video back in 1984. Man am i out of date with things! My commentary on this one will be brief ( i promise) I used to think the King of Pop was all the shit. I idolized him until the nasty little bed time stories started to surface at which point i could not, regardless of his talent, continue to be a fan. I can tolerate just about anything but child abusers and women abusers just do not get anything from me but my disgust and a daunting desire to crush their skulls. Yes yes yes i know what some of you are going to say, "he was never found guilty of anything". No, but you know what? 25 million dollars, multiple accusations and a refusal to change your questionable behavior earns you a one way ticket to, GUILTY! Then there is the whole Jackson Family. If the word dysfunctional ever applied it certainly applies here. I mean for God sakes Joe Jackson, he was a child abuser himself and a woman abuser, and now Michael`s children are living in his home (there is some irony there somwhere). The sisters look like something that survived the thriller video, and if Jermaine puts anymore oil in his hair the US Energy Department is going to set up an oil rig on his head...oh and please lets not get started on Tito..what the hell kind of name is that anyways? Did the Jacksons want a Dog and instead got a son and gave it its name. When i look at the Jackson family it gives me hope for every messed up family i know.

MY SPORTS ROUND UP from the summer goes something like this: No major for Tiger, poor Winnie the Pooh. Pittsburgh wins the lords cup, i can live with that..not like the Habs were going to win it...get used to it cause it isn't happening this year either. The Habs get sold..thank God..lets hope the Molson brothers can turn back time. Unfortunately they can't turn back the experiment Gainey decided to try out. Serena Williams mouth...holy potty mouth...Serena and Mother nature have something in common and it starts with 28 day cycle. Looks like Yankees in another world series match up only to win. Best part of the series was the performance of Alicia and Jay-Z with ''empire state of mind'' that is on awesome tune.Holy US open Tennis upset...Roger is getting older and its starting to show. NFL season looks promising perhaps atleast 6 legitimate super bowl contenders. Michael Jordan is an ass...he shows how sportsmanship should not work...hey Michael that chip on your shoulder looks like a battery. Speaking of sportsmanship...Could someone throw Gary Bettman off a cliff...I've already started laughing at the Leafs for this year...i'd love to see an NHL team in Hamilton...The AL's will fail in the playoffs..AGAIN! Watch out for flying car parts if you drive in Formula 1, Watch out for flying cars if you drive in NASCAR. Can you say FAST as in Usain Bolt Fast.

Well friends that just about brings me back up to date on the last 7 months i've been away. As for me i plan to add an article every week, my life is going fairly well, my new job has been going so, so, the economy is not doing what is needed to get things moving, my children are doing well, my Daughter started CEGEP and is now on her own living with her room mate in an Apartment in the city (holy crap i'm old!). I am still madly in love with a beautiful creature of a woman who is helping me change my life. I'm still working on fixing mistakes from the past and trying hard to make things right. Its not easy as my mess ups were big and hurtful to many. I still have alot of work to do.

I look forward to writing for you. Hope you had an excellent summer and here comes winter...AGAIN!

Robbie Hellstrom

* GETTING PAST YOURSELF

2009-05-06T09:33:00.016-04:00

So as we wander into spring, slowly my thoughts turn to summer and the incredible career challenges i face. As the warm weather approaches my schedule will turn from hectic to absolutely mind bending. So this Blog will be my last one for a little while. I might drop by from time to time to ramble on about something about nothing but in general i will take a 3 to 4 month writing vacation. I have had allot of fun over the last 5 months and i have enjoyed your comments, feedback, private e-mails, telephone calls, etc. I know the French translation was at times painful to read and i thank all my Francophone friends for their support and encouragement. This writing has helped me beyond belief and has allowed me to explore some of my worst mistakes, bad moves and inexcusable behavior while at the same time allowing me to recognize the good that still is within me. Thanks to all of you who have followed and for those of you interested there were in the last months more then 1800 of you reading each article and that my friends blew me away. See you all in the Fall.

GETTING PAST YOURSELF

Have you ever wanted to step aside from yourself? Moved yourself out of your own way? Stepped sideways to allow yourself to go by? You with me? I think at one time or another everyone has felt like they themselves are the greatest road block to achieving greater things. I believe at one time or another due to circumstances, past experiences and most of all fear we can become our own greatest enemy in actually getting past ourselves.

For everyone has a history. A story to tell. A nightmare to recount. We dig back often and fall ass first back to what we have done or not done. What we have accomplished or failed at. We look back on those things and we use them as some kind of restraint when presented with incredible opportunities. These opportunities might be in regards to our career, our family and friends and in many cases love. Regardless of what lies in front of us we use the items of our past as a justification, a reason and excuse to tell ourselves "we cannot" or "should not". That what we are being presented with is to good, to incredible to be possibly happening to us. We stand in defiance of opportunity wearing only the clothes of our past experiences. We do not want to be naked in the face of opportunity for to do so would simply mean abandoning everything we know as true. That we are not worthy of important events or people in our lives.

What happens when we cannot get past ourselves? Well in all honesty its simple. We become simply a shell. We accumulate and we store but we do not venture, we do not risk and we certainly limit our capacity for love. In essence the aspect of love and how we accept it and how we direct it towards others is the most relevant to me. I have had my share of bad experiences, i have made colossal mistakes, i have paid a terrible price and justifiably i have had to assume it all as mostly those failures, those heart aches were of my own doing. So recently when i was given a unique opportunity to move forward i have stalled. When given the opportunity to love and be loved i braked. I have applied full pressure to the brakes and have pushed myself hard away from the steering wheel to brace myself or should i say protect myself for the imminent impact. In simple terms i have failed to "Get Past myself"

Why is that? Why as humans as complex and intelligent as we are do we feel the need to stop positive things from happening to us? Why do we believe that past history has to absolutely dictate future outcomes? Is it because we truly have no desire to add additional heart ache and failures to an already overflowing filing cabinet? Is it because we listen to all the detractors who tell us we don't deserve it? That good things are no longer in the cards. That the hand has been dealt and oh and by the way, you can't lay down or pick up anymore cards. I'm not sure i understand what it is. Perhaps i have missed something. Perhaps i just don't see and what is blocking me is.....MYSELF. I know now more then ever that time has a way of circling you, of going past you and then reaching back and pulling you forward only to slingshot you to some unknown destination. I know that the past never ever goes away and when you think it does someone will be more then happy to remind you of it. That being said. Where does it stop? When do you reach the moment where your actually able to get past yourself?

For me the answer lies within another person. It lies within the ability to share out right, nakedly the truth of who who are, what you have been and what you want to be. To take full ownership of all the mess, the nonsense and then to describe it. At that moment, when you find that person who allows you to do that, who allows you to be who you want to be, what you know you can be. Who looks at you not in judgment but in admiration for your ability to want nothing better then to fix and move forward. I have had special individuals like that who i have been truly blessed to know. My friend Laurie who always understood the way to direct me past myself and who believed in me. Lisa who always saw in me the good instead of the evil. As well as many other friends who gave me hope that i could eventually get past myself.

Recently i have come into contact with another person who in my mind is as gifted as the two women i mentioned above. Her ability to take me to a place where i feel i can again be proud of who i am. Who allows me to believe that in fact i can fix my past mistakes. That those mistakes simply demonstrate a capacity for stupidity but do not define my future. Who makes me understand that in fact i am my worst own enemy and that if i just stepped aside i might, just might, be able to see who i really can be. Since meeting her i have come to understand that yes it might just be possible to get past yourself. Its not easy friends i won't BS you about that. I've tried to block her, to stop her from believing, to stop her from making me believe. It hasn't worked. This person who allows you to feel this way is uniquely special and they are not everywhere. If you tell yourself they don't or cannot exist chances are they won't or don't. You have to see something in them, understand something profound about them to go there. To allow yourself to be shown the path to moving forward. Most of all though you have to let them help you get past yourself. The trick however is you have to actually be able to see them and this step does require you to slightly move out of your own shadow, to step aside and allow them in.

My advice is this. When someone like this enters your life, you only need to leave a slight opening for them to be able to help you see. You only need a small, minuscule belief that positive in your life is still possible.Because if they are the one you will know and it won't take you years to realize it, it will happen right in front of your face as there will be nothing blocking your view and you will truly have gotten past yourself.

Thanks everyone

Robbie

* IN HER EYES- DANS SES YEUX

2009-04-27T10:46:00.039-04:00

Avez-vous jamais regardé dans des yeux de quelqu'un ? Sûr vous avez. Mais avez-vous jamais été ainsi embelli dans quelqu'un qui quand vous regardez dans leurs yeux vous voient un "Jardin Secret" Caché là-bas. La chose fascinante au sujet de voir « au delà » de ce. Ces ce rend compte juste comment fragile nous pouvons être face à l'amour. Ce Blog est principalement visé à mes amie masculines de lecture mais je pense que les femmes pourraient et agreablement surprise aussi. Dans mon esprit, Springsteen l'a capturé étonnamment avec le lyrique suivant ;

You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away

Ces mots symbolisent juste comment profondément nous pouvons obtenir et à quelle distance nous pouvons tomber dans quelqu'un donné la bonne situation. Quelle est exactement la bonne situation ? Le puits ici est le pulseur, vous n'aller savoir jusqu'à votre droite devant elle, transfixed, regardant dans ces yeux. Quel à ce point votre aller être l'une de trois choses. D'abord, votre l'un ou l'autre allant déjà être dans si profond que votre fait et n'importe quelle tentative d'évasion est futile. En second lieu, votre aller être ainsi sali vers le haut par ce que votre expérience que vos mécanismes de défense sont dans la haute vitesse et votre recherche d'une chute en arrière placent. Troisièmement, votre fonctionnement pendant votre vie. La plupart d'entre nous qui ont été dans la situation décris peut certifier au peur d'être en la deuxième position. Le premier est relativement simple et il devient injustifié de discuter. La seule chose qui peut se produire est celui qui le temps aille s'occuper vous. Le tiers est bien, joli descriptif comme la plupart d'entre nous (des mâles) est très bonne. à d'abord fonctionnant… ouais. De nouveau à la seconde. Celui-ci est une montagne russe sérieuse des émotions.

Quand vous et dans quelqu'un ci profondément que cela vous fait perdres dans son « jardin secret » puis je peux te dire que le niveau de la crainte que vous éprouverez pourrait se ranger vers le haut là avec te faire donner un coup de pied votre âne par la Mini Souris devant un couple d'un millier de personnes dans le Parc de Disney. Il n'est pas joli. Mon avis au sujet de la façon dont ceci nous effectue change de la catégorie d'âge à la catégorie d'âge. Avec tout le respect dû à mes plus jeunes lecteurs (je t'aime types) quand vous êtes dans vos années de l'adolescence en retard jusqu'à votre milieu des années 20 il y a répartissent vous conduire moins dont est du jardin secret d'une femme « secret » de non et efficacement " audacieux JE NE SUIS PAS parlant que le jardin obtiennent ainsi vos têtes hors de la gouttière. Voyez que je vous ai dit à votre âge que vous ne pouvez pas penser directement). Ma croyance est que tu doivent être au moins 26 et plus vieux (parfois beaucoup plus vieux pour ceux qui refusent de grandir) et tu doivent avoir eu au moins 1 rapport que vous pouvez décrire comme avoir été importants... importants, oui importants est relatif… mais si vous pouvez dire que vous avez vraiment aimé quelqu'un avant, alors vous soyez probablement en position à effectuer sensiblement le jour où vous rencontrez une femme, regardez dans elle des yeux et voyez son « jardin secret ».

Maintenant que nous avons établi cela. Quel prochain ? Que faites-vous ? Ahhh. . vous pensez que j'allais réellement distribuer le conseil sur cette matière. Ha ! NON ! mais ce que je ferai doit vous dire que je vis cette expérience en ce moment et je suis effrayé enormenment (oui je vien indiqué un mauvais mot et oui macho j'ai juste admis que j'ai peur d'une femme). Ma crainte provient d'une variété de secteurs. D'abord, je n'ai pas apprécié un bon rapport symbiotique avec ma mère (grève une sur des femmes). J'ai eu deux rapports échoués (les sérieux comportant la création de beaux enfants) et oui pour mémoire la chose qui a fini ces rapports était mon manque d'intégrité et honneur auxquels je parle en faveur entièrement coupable et j'accepte TOUTE responsabilité de. J'ai eu un autre rapport important dans l'intervalle et ai été trompé pour découvrir que je simplement étais tiré profit. Ce que par certains côtés j'ai mérité donné ma conduite précédente de rapport… si bonne sur elle pour obtenir un couple des projectiles dedans sur moi. Ainsi de nouveau au ici et maintenant et à trembler sous les draps à la pensée des sentiments je prends pour cette femme et l'effet qu'elle a sur moi.

Je dirai que je n'ai jamais été un grand croyant dans le destin ou le célèbre, l'amour a premiere vue.Je sais qu'il y a de la chimie qui se produit entre deux personnes et qu'elle peut souvent des périodes être volatile, imprévisible et absolument hypnotisante. J'avais l'habitude de penser que l'amour a pris du temps de se développer, cela oui vous pouvez être attiré physiquement à quelqu'un et le temps d'excédent développent un amour fort pour eux. Mon sentiment cependant tordu, est que la plupart d'amour commence par l'attraction physique et puis se développe à l'extérieur. Dans le cas particulier je suis vivant moi, je sais qu'il y avait une attraction physique forte, elle est tres belle, mais elle a été immédiatement remplacée par une attraction « totale ». Sa intellect, caractère, crainte, fascination, respect, et d'une manière plus importante quelque chose que je ne peux pas expliquer ni volonté impliquée que j'essaye aussi. Les la plupart que je peux dire sont celle quand vous et dedans vous et dedans et profondément. J'essaye actuellement de me dire chaque raison de ne pas la poursuivre. Laissez-le aller, ne pas commettre à quelque chose que par chaque le moyen a la capacité de me détruire tandis qu'apportez-en même temps moi tellement la joie et l'espoir. Je veux laisser une porte arrière ouverte comme sortie de secours. Je veux faire placer une chute en arrière. Je dois être honnête et de me dire échoue malheureux l'essai d'appliquer cette approche. Je ne veux pas être où je suis, j'étais heureux que s'ajustant sur être par moi, j'aie voulu une certaine heure de pensée, une certaine réflexion et une durée des analyses. J'ai voulu être seul. Je ne suis pas seul cependant et aussi dur que j'essaye je ne peux m'appliquer aucune logique à la situation.

Le résultat est là n'est aucune logique à n'importe lequel de lui. Il y a un livre intitulé « gaffent des abeilles ne peut pas voler », il décrit comment si nous appliquons tout nous savons la physique, pesanteur et la loi de la science une abeille de gaffer ne devrait pas dans toutes les théorie et pratique pouvoir voler. Pourtant comme nous le savons ils volent ainsi par conséquent l'idée que pas tout peut être expliqué tellement facilement comprenant tomber dans « un jardin secret »

Cependant effrayant l'idée du tout ceci peut être, il est bien évident qu'à l'certains exemples vous juste doivent se donner plus de lui. Accordez le moment vous prendre sur un voyage avec l'espoir et la croyance qu'elle peut t'apporter quelque chose de extraordinaire.

Robbie Hellstrom

Have you ever looked into someones eyes? Sure you have. But have you ever been so embellished in someone that when you look into their eyes you see a secret garden beyond. The fascinating thing about seeing whats "beyond" is realizing just how fragile we can be in the face of love. This Blog is primarily targeted at my male reading audience but i think the women might get a kick out of it. In my mind, Springsteen captured it amazingly with the following lyrics;

You've gone a million miles
How far'd you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget

She'll lead you down a path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough
So you know she's really there
She'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away

Those words symbolize just how deep we can get and how far we can fall into someone given the right situation. What exactly is the right situation? Well here is the kicker, your not going to know until your right in front of her, transfixed, looking into her eyes. Which at that point your going to be one of three things. First, your either already going to be in so deep that your done and any attempt at escape is futile. Second, your going to be so messed up by what your experiencing that your defense mechanisms are in high gear and your looking for a fall back position. Third, your running for your life. Most of us who have been in the situation I am describing can attest to the dreadfulness of being in the second position. The first is relatively simple and it becomes pointless to discuss. The only thing that can happen is whatever time is going to deal you. The third is well,,, pretty descriptive as most of us (males) are pretty good at running..henceforth...yeah. Back to the second. This one is a serious roller coaster of emotions.

When your into someone that deep that you have gotten lost in her "Secret Garden" then i can tell you that the level of fear you will experience might rank up there with having your ass kicked by Mini Mouse in front of a couple of thousand of people at Disney World. It isn't pretty. My opinion about how this effects us varies from age category to age category. With all due respect to my younger readers (I love you guys) when you are in your late teens up to your mid 20's there is allot driving you the least of which is a woman's "Secret Garden" (no and effectively I AM NOT talking about that Garden so get your heads out of the gutter. See i told you at your age you can't think straight). My belief is you have to be at least 26 and older (sometimes much older for those who refuse to grow up) and you have to have had at least 1 relationship which you are able to describe as having been important..and yes important is relative...but if you can say you truly loved someone before, then you are probably in a position to be significantly impacted the day you meet a woman, look into her eyes and see her "Secret Garden".

Now that we have established that. What next? What do you do? Ahhh..did you think i was actually going to dispense advice on this topic. HA! NO! but what i will do is tell you i am living this experience right now and i am scared shitless (yes i said a bad word and yes macho me just admitted I'm afraid of a woman). My fear stems from a variety of areas. First, i did not enjoy a good symbiotic relationship with my Mother (strike one on women). I had two failed relationships (serious ones involving the creation of beautiful children) and yes for the record the thing that ended those relationships was MY lack of integrity and honor to which i plead fully guilty and accept FULL responsibility. I have had one other important relationship in between and was deceived to find out that i was simply being taken advantage of. Which in some ways i deserved given my previous relationship conduct...so good on her for getting a couple of shots in on me. So back to the here and now and the quivering under the bed sheets at the thought of the feelings i have for this woman and the effect she has on me.

I will say that i have never been a big believer in destiny or the famous, "love at first sight". I do know that there is chemistry which happens between two people and that it can often times be volatile, unpredictable and absolutely mesmerizing. I used to think love took time to develop, that yes you can be attracted physically to someone and over time develop a strong love for them. My feeling however twisted, is that most love starts by physical attraction and then grows outwards. In the particular case I'm living i know that there was a strong physical attraction, she is beautiful, but it was immediately replaced by a "total" attraction. It involved intellect, character, awe, fascination, respect, and most importantly something which i cannot explain nor will i try too. The most i can say is that when your in it your in it deep. I am currently trying to tell myself every reason not to pursue it. To let it go, to not commit to something which by every means has the capacity to destroy me while at the same time bring me so much joy and hope. I want to leave a back door open as an escape route. I want to have a fall back position. I must be honest and tell you i am failing miserably trying to apply that approach. I do not want to be where i am, i was happy adjusting to being by myself, i wanted some thinking time, some reflection and analyses time. I wanted to be alone. I am not alone though and as hard as i try i cannot apply any logic to this situation.

The bottom line is there is no logic to any of it. There is a book titled "Bumble Bees Can't Fly", it describes how if we apply everything we know about physics, gravity and the law of science a Bumble Bee should not in all theory and practice be able to fly. Yet as we all know they do fly so hence the idea that not everything can be explained so easily including falling into a "Secret Garden"

However scary the idea of all this may be, it's quite clear that at certain instances you just have to give yourself over to it. Allow the moment to take you on a journey with the hope and the belief that it can bring you something extraordinary.

Robbie

* GO UNDER DOG GO

2009-04-25T08:16:00.016-04:00

What is it about an underdog that gets us so emotional? What makes us stand up and cheer and yell? What is it that moves us inside when we see someone who is not supposed to succeed, succeed. Is it the simple fact that we ourselves are underdogs? Not just you and me but everyone. Could it be that we simply want to share in harmony with someone who is capitalizing on a moment and drawing everyone into their triumph? In my mind it has much to do with how we see ourselves and our own challenges in the face of adversity.

Everyone knows the battered feeling of failure, The idea that we can't win against such terrible odds. Terrible odds you ask? Well life in general, it seems more so then ever that we are against it alone. That we are in an arena filled with onlookers who pass judgment on our performance, our wins and losses, our failures and successes. Currently the queen of underdogs is Susan Boyle. The 47 year old woman from England who has been watched 50 million (yes that was 50 million) times on Youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxPZh4AnWyk. As she walked out on stage the moment was seemingly ripe for a collapse of epic proportion. In a certain sense i think many who were watching in the audience and at home were actually hoping for some type of meltdown or hysterics. What they got instead was pure delight.

That is what got me to thinking about the similarity to everyday life underdogs and the ones who take a national stage. Almost everyone saw only the opportunity for failure from this woman as she arrived on stage. She was dressed so-so, she was not by any means attractive, she had, ''drole'' mannerisms and she spoke kind of funny. All of these things together built a model that from some perspective is one we believe will fail, will not stand out and will certainly not awe us. This simple stereotype is cast every day in every situation, You see it at work, in the stores, in schools, on sport fields and just about anywhere where 3 people can come into contact and 2 of the three can begin stereotyping the third. When Susan Boyle began to sing and the very fist notes escaped her mouth you sensed immediate turn around from the audience. They were dumb founded. The stereotype didn't apply. This woman was special, she was supposed to fail and now look, my God what is she doing, she is an underdog.We feel uplifted, we feel warm inside, we feel tears develope in our eyes, we feel like a part of their success, we want to see them win..win and take it all. We see the true face of triumph, the years of despair that disappear in one moment of pure life, pure emotion. We watch their life change before our eyes and what we see in that moment is we see ourselves...the true us.

So what is it that makes us so immediately change our tune so fast when we actually believe we are witnessing the rise of an underdog. Is it because we truly do want to see people do well, we want to see them win. Is it because we know what it is to lose, to be stereotyped, to be destined and categorized for failure. I think its all of the above but i think it is more. I think it is because we all know that at any given time we can fail and that that failure be it large or small can then be tagged to us and we can become stigmatized by it. Perhaps it is because we know that no matter how much of a winner we might be at any given time, or how successful we are, or how many wins we have under our belt that eventually we could so quickly become the complete opposite. I also believe we root for the underdog from a very basic instinct, the instinct that if it was us we would want everyone to root for us also. That those who thought for sure we would fail would immediately join in the applause for success.

The fundamental problem however is not the whole notion of the underdog. It is the issue of categorizing and stereotyping people to the point where eventually all that negative becomes a self fulfilling prophecy for the person being stereotyped. Sounds weird no? Well actually its a very simple fact. Take a child, tell them they can't, tell them they will never, tell them not good enough, tell them stop trying. Eventually over time you have created a person who will end up being one of those people who we might, just might, eventually see up on a stage and may turn our whole notion of what we know completely on its head.

Go Underdog Go.

Robbie

* THE LAST OF THEM-LES DERNIERE DE EUX

2009-04-23T22:54:00.018-04:00

LE DERNIERE DE EUX

Il fait froid, l'air de nuit est rempli d'humidité lourde qui enduit tout qui le tourne à la boue. La terre ils rampent sur des odeurs sales, odeurs putréfiées. Ils avaient rampé le long pour ce qui semble comme pour toujours lui est son ami, compagnons dans la guerre, lui est son frères dans des bras. Ils croient à quelque chose, dans tout. Là d'autres associés dans la bataille tous sont mort maintenant. Morts à la cause. Morts à la mission. Ils ont combattu dur mais maintenant seulement les deux restent.

Ils continuent à ramper le long silencieusement, les lumières de recherche outre des humvees de approche récurent le paysage, recherche, rebondissement de l'humidité et herbe et saleté comme un flipper. Ils continuent leur avance. Seulement 1/4 kilomètre les sépare de l'eau qu'ils doivent tellement désespérément glisser dans pour disparaître dans la noirceur laissant seulement un petit sillage derrière. Le bateau de secour les attend, mais il attendra pas longtemps. Les projectiles sonnent dehors, un-visé, aucune cible, les frais généraux de grésillement de balles, ils se brisent dans la saleté, ils frappent les objets inanimés et étrangers salissant le paysage.

Les deux frères dans des bras se focalisent, ils travaillent ensemble silencieusement se motivant vers leur but. Une tristesse les saisit par la pensée de leurs amis perdus. Ils peuvent ne faire rien, pourraient n'avoir fait rien. Maintenant la seule manière de rendre l'hommage est de survivre, pour s'échapper, pour retourner pour représenter les mémoires de leurs amis perdus. Seulement 50 mètres à l'eau. Un bas, pointu cri de douleur, il regarde en arrière, son associé, son frère dans des bras n'est plus se déplacer, ne rampant plus. Il tourne de nouveau à lui, pour voir ce qui s'est produit. Il sait déjà. Un des balles a frappé sa marque. Il peut maintenant voir son visage, il voit la grimace, de la douleur, il atteint pour le tirer en avant, pour le traîner le long, à l'essai et pour le faire à l'eau le tirant. Son associé atteint dehors avec une main, la met sur le sien, il le regarde dans l'obscurité mais le voit comme si c'était journée. Son associé '' allez va sens moi, avance '', il répond, '' jamais sans toi '', le retour, '' je suis fait, fini, mais pas toi'' de phase avec cela il voit que ses yeux étroitement et lui regarde son visage et il voit l'épouse il n'a jamais eue, les enfants il ne connaîtra jamais, les amis et la famille qui s'ennuieront de lui. Il atteint autour de son propre cou et retire la croix d'enfance donnée à lui par sa grand-mère et endroits il dans la main morte de son associés son partenaire. Il chuchote '' de frères toujours'' et il rampe avec une dévotion à l'eau, il atteint les banques pendant que les balles et les machines se développent plus étroitement, il touche l'eau et cela ressemble à des roses, cela ressemble à de la soie, il se sent comme la vie, il regarde l'une fois passée et il se laisse tomber dans ses profondeurs de sauveur et disparaît pour être rêne. Prenez-moi la maison !

Pour les frères nous avons perdu, les frères et les sœurs que nous perdons autour du monde journalier de qui la plupart des personnes ne sauront jamais ou entendront parler. Qui se consacrent leurs vies pour quelque chose de plus grand, quelque chose plus importante. Qui rampent dans la saleté dans le profond de la nuit pour créer un meilleur monde. Qui donnent leurs vies de sorte que nous puissions avoir le nôtre. L'anniversaire de leurs décès se produisent chaque jour pour des familles loin et au loin. Sont rarement ces jours tristes identifiés mais aujourd'hui je recongize les.

Nous nous ennuyons de vous. Les héros de l'obscurité. OOOHHA ! '' Paix mes confrères '' vous ne soyez jamais oublié.

Robbie

THE LAST OF THEM

It is cold, the night air is filled with heavy moisture which coats everything turning it to slime. The ground they crawl on smells dirty, smells rotten. They have been crawling along for what seems like forever they are friends, companions in war, they are brothers in arms. They believe in something, In everything. There other partners in battle are all gone now. Dead to the cause. dead to the mission. They fought hard but now only the two remain.

They continue to crawl along silently, the search lights off the approaching humvees scour the landscape, searching, bouncing of the moisture and grass and dirt like a pinball. They continue their advance. Only 1/4 km separates them from the water they so desperately need to slip into to disappear into the blackness leaving only a small wake behind. The rescue boat waits not far off shore but will not wait forever. Shots ring out, un-aimed, no target, the bullets sizzle over head, they crash into the dirt, they hit inanimate and foreign objects littering the landscape.

The two brothers in arms focus, they work together silently motivating each other towards their goal. A sadness grips them at the thought of their lost friends. They no they can do nothing, could have done nothing. Now the only way to render homage is to survive, to escape, to return to represent the memories of their lost friends. Only 50 meters to the water. A low, sharp cry of pain, he looks back, his partner, his brother in arms is no longer moving, no longer crawling. He turns back to him, to see what has happened. He already knows. One of the unaimed bullets has hit its mark. He now can see his face, he sees the grin of pain, he reaches to pull him forward, to drag him along, to try and make it to the water pulling him. His partner reaches out with a hand, puts it on his, he looks at him in the darkness but sees him as if it was daytime. His partner whispers '' go'', he responds ''never without you'', the comeback, ''I'm done, your not, live'' with that he sees his eyes close and he looks at his face and he sees the wife he never had, the children he will never know, the friends and family who will miss him. He reaches around his own neck and pulls off the childhood cross given to him by his grandmother and places it in his dead partners hand. He whispers ''brothers always'' and he crawls along with a devotion to the water, he reaches the banks as the bullets and the machines grow closer, he touches the water and it feels like roses, it feels like silk, it feels like life, he looks back one last time and he drops into its saviour depths and disappears to be reborn. Take me home!

For the brothers we lost, the brothers and sister we lose around the world every day who most people will never know or hear of. Who dedicate themselves their lives for something bigger, something more important. Who crawl in the dirt in the deep of the night to create a better world. Who give their lives so that we may have ours. The anniversary of their deaths occur each and every day for families far and wide. Rarely are these sad days recognized but today i recongize them.

We miss you. The heroes of the Dark. OOOHHA! ''Peace brothers, always'' never will you be forgotten.

Robbie

* ONE WAY-DEAD END

2009-04-23T16:50:00.009-04:00

We have all driven down them. They are everywhere. Often times with the radio blasting out your favorite tune, the sun shining and the temperature perfect we drive down them. Sometimes we drive down them just to see how far they go, to see where they lead, and to find out what the end looks like. In general they all share two things in common. They end and you have to turn around to get back to where you started from.

Now I'm not talking about your every day run of the mill mistake dead end. We've all been there, made the wrong turn, missed the sign and drove along until we run into the wall at the end. Nothing ventured nothing gained. In most cases your not going that fast by the time you reach it so you have time to break and get ready to make the moves necessary to turn around and make the journey back from whence you came. There are the other type of dead ends which can prove to be much more difficult to navigate and to return from without doing serious damage to yourself,your car and potentially others.

This type of dead end is where the road is new or reworked, unfortunately when this happened someone forgot to move the dead end sign back to the start of the road. The road having undergone some slight modifications or reworking is not really anything more then it originally was except its missing the sign. The sign is now a little ways down the road. As you drive happily along you eventually, sometime unexpectedly come to the sign. As a general rule our instincts DON'T take over and we continue driving although perhaps with a little weariness. As we drive on the road gets a little rougher and we begin to question turning back but the foot stays on the gas with the in-trenched belief that things will smooth out and if they forgot to move the sign to the start of the road perhaps its really not a dead end after all. As the ride continues the road gets even more bumpy and it starts to go down a hill. As you begin to step on the break you realize the car isn't slowing down and the road is getting way harder to navigate and the car is losing control. Now with fear beginning to take hold you start to realize that you should have stopped the car along time ago and turned around...but! As you begin to gain more and more speed you begin to see the road is in fact a dead end and there is a wall quickly approaching...my God what do you do now?

Well my friends this story has perhaps as many ending as it has beginnings. You see nothing is written for sure until the car is smashed into a million pieces at the bottom of the dead end. There are always ways..hopefully to regain control and to stop the car before it hits. The reality is that its not easy, allot goes on between the time you saw the sign and the time you see the dead end wall. Time is invested, adjustments are made, the car is fixed only to break again, we wax and wash it but it always gets dirty again, the tires wear out but we drive with them on just the same, the radio plays the same 3 songs over and over again. We take it to the dealership with the intention of trading it in but always find a reason to not do it. Eventually the car cannot withstand the bumps, the hill nor the speed and disaster looms.

Stepping aside from the disaster requires courage. It requires a rethinking of what kind of car we drive, how fast we go, where is the ultimate destination. Do we like stable reliable cars or fast hard driving out of control cars. Do we want a diesel or gas car. Do you need 4 wheel drive or will 2 do the trick. Luxury or economy? Can we change our minds half journey? All good questions with one major problem. By the time you realize you need to turn around your going to be so far down the road that your going to pay a really, really big price to turn that baby around and find your way back to where you started so that you can potentially find a new road to your destination. Everyone can get trapped going down one of these roads, EVERYONE. They are hard to avoid, they are even tempting. In fact they are easy and thats the trap..they become so easy we lower our defenses and we coast along because its easy...and easy is good...but often not so good..its an oxymoron.

Sometimes unfortunately once at the end of the road the car won't have the strength to go back to where it started even if you managed to avoid smashing into the wall. Many times the car will simply stop at the bottom of the road and the journey is pretty much finished. You simply accept where you are and decide to hang out there for the rest of your driving days as its much easier then the alternative (walking home). At which point your in a situation which is best described as follows.

''Sorry but you can't get there from here'' and hope the hell the walk isn't that far and that someone can find you and comes to pick you up.

Robbie

* JAMAIS VUE VENIR- NEVER SAW IT COMING

2009-04-20T11:39:00.026-04:00

JAMAIS VUE VENIR (ANGLE MORT)

Jamais été frapper dans votre “angle mort” par quelque chose ou quelqu'un, que vous n'avez absolument jamais vu venir ? Jamais été ainsi dans vos faire, le gestion de votre vie, ou à peine gestion de elle ; courir autour avec un certain type de gestion de secours du morcellement journalier et être arrêter complètement dans vos voies. Si ceci est arrivé à toi vous savez de ce que je parle si pas encore une journée vous aller le vivre.

En général “jamais vue venir” peux venir d'une variété d'endroits ; votre travail, votre famille, vos enfants ou vos amis. Ses ces moments de surprise qui vous attrapent le mardi après-midi ensoleillé où vous l'attendre le moins. Parfois ces choses s'avèrent être tristement des tragédies, mais quelques fois, juste parfois elles s'avèrent être quelque chose qui peuvent vraiment changer votre monde. Dans la plupart des cas ces événements peut être la promotion à un travail vous avez voulu mais ne prévoyiez pas, il peuvent être l'un de vos membres de famille annonçant un événement important (nouveaux venir, enclenchement de bébé, etc…). Alors il y a les temps où vous serait frapper dans votre “Angle Mort” par une personne qui va affecter votre vie et vous ne les avez jamais vus venir.

Que se produit quand ceci se produit ? Bien il y à beaucoup à décrire ou expliquer mais ça va envoie quelle commande limitée vous avez dehors la fenêtre. Vous commencez à se poser tout les question qui ont été connue par l'homme. Vous commencez à interroger si ces vraiment sûrs que votre expérience est vraie et vous dépensent répartissent du temps s'indiquant pour se réveiller. Écoutent maintenant mes amis que vous et 15 ou 25 ou 35 ou n'importe quels âges en particulier tu peut être frapper dans votre “angle mort”. Il peut arriver presque à n'importe qui. La différence fondamentale est plus qu'elle et votre âgé moins vous aller avoir tendance de profiter de cette situation. Que est-ce que cela vous signifie demandent ? Puits il signifie ceci.

Pendant que vous vieillissez vous obtenez plus de travers. Vous vous dites que votre sort dans la vie est établi et vous pourriez aussi bien monter dehors le reste du donner l'assaut à jusqu'au jour de jugement. Nous nous coupons de toutes les possibilités et voyons seulement des possibilités comme définies par le passé. Notre passé ! Les erreurs, le succès, les échecs les victoires les pertes. Nous nous tenons dans les analyses de nos vies jusqu'à ce point où nous sommes maintenant et nous nous disons que qu'il n'y a jamais pas plus “je l'a vu” des moments. Cette application de philosophie et d'idéologie nous bloque simplement par le construction de nos propre mur et ça nous permettre pas de tirer profit vraiment des possibilités qui existent toujours. Son peut-être soutenu hors d'un pessimisme de nos échecs ou d'une manière primordiale d'une idée enracinée et instruite que plus de bonnes choses ne peuvent arriver à nous. Dans ces exemples nous choisissons de ne pas profiter ou ne pas suivre notre coeur ou esprit pour la raison simple d'être laissez vers le bas ou déçu.

Maintenant je ne dis pas ces facile de décider quoi faire quand quelqu'un entament votre vie que vous n'avez jamais vu venir. Quelqu'un que vous pensez pourrait vous déplacer des manières que vous avez pensé non possible. Quelqu'un qui pourrait vraiment avoir la capacité de te faire de toi une meilleure personne. Je ne parle pas écrase ou étant frappé, mais quelqu'un qui fait véritablement quelque chose à toi à un niveau émotif et spirituel. Quelqu'un que qui quand vous les regardez vous sentent comme ils ont été absents de votre vie. Maintenant amis que je ne dis pas qu'il y a quelque chose facile au sujet de décider quoi faire à son sujet. En fait je ne suis pas également en train de offrir aucun conseil sur quoi faire. Je dis simplement à toi de ne pas éloigné de lui, ne se coupent pas de toutes les possibilités. Quelques choses sont immobiles, et on besoin d'être intéressant explorer, quelques choses sont immobiles en valeur le risque. Je ne m'inquiète pas comment vieux ou jeunes vous êtes. Je ne m'inquiète pas ce que vous avez fait bien ou mal dans votre vie. Je ne m'inquiète pas ce que vous pensez que vous méritez ou ne méritez pas ou combien de fois vous avez été à la danse. Ont a tout vaincu des moments important, des relation positive et négative. Nous avons tout vue des pancarte " Cul de sac". Peut importe vous ne pouvez pas et ne découvrirez pas à moins que vous lui donniez un essai. À moins que vous et prêt a commettre à lui et pour voir où il vous prend. Récemment j'ai dit a quelqu'un qu'indépendamment de l'inconnu ou des dangers parfois le risque ca peut livrer a nous les plus grands cadeaux. Et cela parfois nous devons jeter dehors la fenêtre les analyses, la réflexion et d'une manière plus importante ce que nous pensons nous savons.

L'énonciation “rien risqué, rien gagné” l'appliquent parfois, une fois, l'appliquent et essayent, vous n'avez tout à gagner et rien à perdre si vous et deja convaincu que rien de bon peut t'arriver.

NEVER SAW IT COMING (BLINDSIDED)

Ever been blindsided by something or someone, you absolutely never saw coming? Ever been so into what your doing, managing your life, or barely managing it; running around with some type of emergency management of the every day grind only to be stopped dead in your tracks. If this has happened to you you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, well some day you will.

As a rule of thumb the "never saw it coming" can come from a variety of places; your job, your family, your children or your friends. Its those surprise moments that catch you on a sunny Tuesday afternoon when your least expecting it. Sometimes these things turn out to be sadly tragedies, but some times, just sometimes, they turn out to be something that can truly change your world. In most cases these type of life altering events can be the promotion to a job you wanted but were not expecting, it can be one of your family members announcing a major event (new baby coming, engagement, etc..). Then there are the times where you get blindsided by a person who comes into your life and you never saw them coming.

What happens when this happens? Well to much to describe or explain but it sends what limited control you have out the window. You begin to ask yourself every question ever known to man. You begin to question if your really sure what your experiencing is real and you spend allot of time telling yourself to wake up. Now listen my friends you don't have to be 15 or 25 or 35 or any age in particular to be blindsided. It can happen to almost anyone. The fundamental difference is the older you are the less likely you are to capitalize on it. What does that mean you ask? Well it means this.

As you get older you get more skewed. You tell yourself your lot in life is established and you just might as well ride out the rest of the storm until judgment day. We close ourselves off from all possibilities and only see possibilities as defined by the past. our past! The mistakes, the success, the failures the wins the losses. We stand in analyses of our lives up to that point where we are now and we tell ourselves that there are no more "I never saw it" moments. This application of philosophy and ideology simply blocks us with a self made wall from truly taking advantage of the possibilities that still exist. Its perhaps born out of a pessimism of our failures or more importantly an ingrained and learned idea that no more good things can happen to us. In these instances we are more likely to not capitalize or to follow our heart or mind for the simple reason of being let down or disappointed.

Now i am not saying its easy to decide what to do when someone enters into your life that you never saw coming. Someone who you think might move you in ways you thought not possible. Someone who might truly have the capacity to make you a better person. I'm not talking about crushes or being smitten, but someone who genuinely does something to you on an emotional and spiritual level. Someone who when you look at them makes you feel like they have been missing from your life. Now friends I am not saying there is anything easy about deciding what to do about it. In fact I'm not even offering any advice on what to do. I am simply saying to you that do not walk away from it, do not close yourself off from all possibilities. Some things are still worth exploring, some things are still worth the risk. I don't care how old or young you are. I don't care what you've done right or wrong in your life. I don't care what you think you deserve or don't deserve or how many times you've been to the dance. Yes i know you have had relationships, good and bad. You have seen the "dead end" signs and gone on just the same. Regardless you can't and won't find out what is possible unless you give it a try. Unless your willing to commit to it and see where it takes you. Recently i told someone that regardless of the unknown or the dangers sometimes the risk we least understand can deliver to us the greatest gifts. And that sometimes we have to throw out the window the analyses, reflection and most importantly what we think we know.

The saying "nothing risked, nothing gained" apply it sometimes, one time, apply it and try, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose if your already skewed.

Robbie

* L' ESPOIR DU PASSION-THE HOPE OF PASSION

2009-04-18T07:54:00.017-04:00

L' ESPOIR DU PASSION

Avec le temps nous tendons à devenir coudés par notre environnement. Nous tirons des leçons de la vie et nous voyons notre monde d'une perspective très limitée et contrainte. Nous avons tous le tendance de devenir négative. Quelques fois cependant nous obtenons une occasion unique d'être montré que tout l'espoir n'est pas perdu et cela souvent notre foi dans jeunes et de vieux de même peut être rallumé. Ce ci est mon expérience avec ''l'espoir du passion''.

Vendredi j'ai eu ce que je considère l'occasion unique et privilégiée de rencontre un personne que je peut constate sans aucune hésitation a redonner naissance a mon espoir dans les personnes du monde. Alors avant que je par avec mon discours sans fin (et oui vous savez que je vais le faire) permettre moi de dire que non, je ne croit pas qu'un seul et unique personne peut nécessairement donner de l'espoir a tout le monde entier. Par contre dans notre monde tout croche, pessimistic, négative ces tout une expérience quand tu rencontre une personne si passionner avec la vie avec une si grand intérêt dans tout les être humaine que ça amener de la lumière dans notre monde gris. Et cette lumière nous permettre un tout petite espoir que notre monde peut être mieux. Cet personne ma impressionner par leur simplicité, leur nature calme, et et une sagesse plus grand que leurs années. Un feu dans leurs yeux qui ont permis un aperçu faible du feu de leur coeur. Tellement rarement nous rencontrons les personnes journalières qui s'inquiètent. Qui s'inquiètent de leur homme de camarade et s'inquiètent de ce que leur implication personnelle est dans l'arrangement de splendeur des choses.

Tellement souvent nous tendons à voir des personnes particulièrement nos jeune personnes comme dis-associer, indifférent avec un singulier moi, moi-même et attitude de soit-mémé. Mais de plus que je parler avec elle le plus impressionner que je venait. Le plus que je le parler le plus que je voulait le parler. Ces impression, ces idée sont logique mais plus important sont passion ma fait croire dans quel que chose que j'avais longtemps perdu confiance, soit l'intelligence. Quand nous somme privilégié de rencontrer un qui est l'opposé polaire de moi, moi-mémé et soit mémé vous ne peut pas être quelque chose d'autre que stupéfié, mais d'une manière primordiale reconnaissant. De parler avec quelqu'un qui se rend compte du monde autour de eux,voit l'obscurité, les temps préoccupés, les échecs que nous avons en tant que société collective mais choisissons la passion et l'espoir et la croyance dans l'humanité au lieu de l'obscurité. Une personne qui se défie à ce qu'elles savent et commet à élargir leurs horizons avec le but singulier d'être une meilleure personne. Jaillissez mes amis ça peuvent déplacer votre coeur aussi bien que votre esprit.

Que prend-il pour être comme cela ? Ayez un sens de l'espoir et de la passion si grands qu'il rapetisse tout désespoir, la monotonie, le mondain et la d'insatisfaction ? Je ne suis pas sûr que je sais la réponse a cette question. Peut-être son les parents de ce jeune qui ont inculqué dans elle un système de valeur qu'aucun tordu, esprit changeant, bombardement interminable de merde de notre environnement ne pourrait changer. Il y a tant de grand espoir dans cela si c'est le cas, car il donne naissance à l'idée que comme parents nous pouvons réellement encore importer. Que nous pouvons réellement créer en notre propre image et nos propres valeurs. Peut-être ce jeune a le temps fini a développé une sagesse au delà de leurs années par l'autodétermination, en croyant à quelque chose mieux puis ce qui est présenté quotidiennement et gavé à nous. Peut-être elle et tout simplement une anomalie, un phénomène de nature. Et ca mes amis seraient une honte.

Peut importe ce que ces le passion de ce jeune nous devons la mettre et la vendre en bouteille, la produire et la pulvériser en série des quantités industrielles partout dans notre monde parce qu'indépendamment d'être jeune ou vieille notre société a besoin désespérément de ces coeur, détermination et d'une manière plus importante passion de jeunes préoccuper avec la vie et son homme de camarade. Cette vraiment une privilège pour moi cette soir qui viens de passer.

THE HOPE OF PASSION

Over time we tend to get bent by our environment. We draw lessons from life and we see our world from a very limited and constrained perspective. Some times however we get a unique opportunity to be shown that all hope is not lost and that often our faith in young and old people alike can be rekindled. This is my experience with the ''Hope Of Passion''.

On Friday i had what i consider the unique and privileged opportunity to meet a person who i can without hesitation say rejuvenated my hope in the people of the world. Now before i go off rambling (which you know I'm going to do anyways) allow me to say that i understand that one person cannot necessarily give everyone hope. However in this skewed, pessimistic, negative world when you meet someone positive, someone with a Passion for life and people; they shine a little bit of light which opens the window to a small glimmer of hope. This person impressed me by their simplicity, their easy nature and a wisdom past their years. A fire in their eyes which allowed a faint glimpse of the fire of their heart. So rarely do we meet every day people who care. Who care about their fellow man and care about what their personal implication is in the grandeur scheme of things.

So often we tend to see people especially our youth as disassociated, uninterested with a singular me, myself and I attitude. As i sat there talking to her i realized the more we talked the more i wanted to hear her. I was gaining back what i had somewhere lost. The confidence that there were truly unique people still left. When your privileged to meet one who is the polar opposite of; me myself and I, you cannot be anything but amazed but more importantly grateful. To talk with someone who is aware of the world around them, sees the darkness, the troubled times, the failures we have as a collective society but chooses Passion and hope and belief in mankind instead of the darkness. A person who challenges themselves to what they know and commits to broadening their horizons with the singular goal of being a better person. Well that my friends can move your heart as well as your mind.

What does it take to be like that? To have a sense of hope and passion so big that it dwarfs all the despair, the monotony, the mundane and the complacency? I'm not sure i know. Perhaps its the parents of this young person who instilled in them a value system that no twisted, mind altering, never ending bombardment of crap from our environment could alter. There is such great hope in that if it is the case, as it gives birth to the idea that as parents we can actually still matter. That we can actually create in our own image and our own values. Perhaps this young person has over time developed a wisdom beyond their years through self determination, through believing in something better then whats presented on a daily basis and force fed to us. Perhaps she is simply an anomaly, a freak of nature. That my friends would be a shame.

Whatever it is that drives this young persons passion we need to bottle it and sell it. Mass produce it and spray it in industrial qualities all over our world because regardless of being young or old our society desperately needs this young persons heart, determination and most importantly passion for Life and her fellow man. It was truly a privilege for me the evening that i just experienced.

Robbie

* WOMAN, MOTHER, KILLER

2009-04-15T19:18:00.006-04:00

Ok I'm not sure i understand what is happening but whatever it is it isn't good. What in Gods name is happening lately with all these women killing children. The unfortunate reality of our world often demonstrates to us the barbarism that men can have towards their wives, girlfriends and children. It has become so frequent that we have become quasi immune to it. However when it is a woman who takes the same savage path as the men; well hang on one second cause there is something really really wrong here.

In the past few months we have had the following; Adele Sorella was accused of the first-degree murders of her eight- and nine-year-old daughters at their home in Laval. In 2006 Louise Desnoyers killed her 8 year old son by drowning him and was recently sentenced to a mental asylum. More recently we have Melissa Huckaby, 28, charged with murdering her daughter's playmate, Sandra Cantu, with the special circumstances of rape with a foreign object, lewd or lascivious conduct with a child under 14 and murder in the course of a kidnapping. Cathie Gauthier, 34, was charged with three counts of first-degree murder (children) and with aiding or inciting her husband to kill himself. I mean for God sakes people what is happening?

Are we shocked beyond belief simply due to the fact that these killers are in fact women and mothers. Is it because as a society we have a bent sense of responsibility and expectations as it relates to women. I certainly don't have that answer and lack serious qualifications to comment from a professional perspective. However in my mind we find it so hard to absorb this kind of violence when it comes from women for a bundle of reasons. First and foremost our impression of women is driven by the ''caregiver'' factor the ''nurturer''. We see women as the shelter to turn to. The rock that holds the family together. We see them as in some ways perfect regardless of how flawed they may be. It is unfair to put them up at a level which is basically unattainable. But one must give credit where credit is due and women have out done themselves forever as it relates to impressing us. Is it because they are the ones who give birth, who carry inside them that child for 9 months. I'm not sure but as ridiculous as it sounds it just seems to far fetched to imagine a woman wanting to harm her own children...or any child for that matter.

Is it a double standard to give more coverage, more importance to deaths of children at the hands of Women and mothers? In my mind equally dramatic coverage should be given anytime a child is killed. Simply to enforce and enlighten society to the grave challenges we face and the responsibility we must bear to ensure we fix the problem. Notwithstanding what i just said it is clear there is a problem. What it is is unclear but we better start to work on it cause we have a problem

If you read a recent American Anthropological Association Study you will read the following; More than 200 women kill their children in the U.S. every year. Andrea Yates who drowned her five kids, and pediatrician Ellen Feinberg, of Champaign, Illinois, who stabbed her two young sons, one fatally, are not unique. Parents killing their children is not rare. Between three and five children are killed by their parents in the U.S. every day. Yet Andrea Yates made headline news. At the same time, a California man lit a barbecue inside his home knowing it would asphyxiate his sleeping children. Why wasn't his case saturated with media coverage in the same way? We have a cultural view of good motherhood and it acts to the detriment of women and fathers who are having substantial problems parenting, says Jill Korbin, child abuse expert who spent a year interviewing mothers in prison for killing their children.

"We end up with a lot of dead kids in this country, yet we persist with the unrealistic view that this is rare behavior. These are not the isolated cases we would like to believe." Homicide is one of the leading causes of death of children under age four.

That certainly puts a point on the issue but doesn't help identify the source. We have to get past the observation mindset and move to the action mindset. I'm not sure where one starts though. Life these days is hectic, frantic, a roller coaster out of control. Women as much as men are affected by this environment. Women still take more of the load in most cases then do the men. As men we have come a certain way yet to some degree our expectation of what a woman is is still out of touch with reality. At the same time women have hurt their own cause as men simply see them as sub-equal. By this i mean, ''sure baby you go to work and bring home a large portion of our revenue and by the way keep doing all those things women are supposed to do''. WHAT? A YEAH mistake and that ideology is costing our society and more importantly our children.

How do we fix it? We better come up with some ideas and fast cause i fear with the ever expanding speed and evolution of our world were going to see more Women, Mother, Killers then any of us wants to admit and any of our children can afford.

Robbie

* ETRE EFFACÉ -TO BE ERASED

2009-04-14T20:59:00.015-04:00

Bonjour mes amie. Voici mon première Blog en français et Anglais. Plusieurs de mes amie mon demander de faire mes Blog en Français et Anglais. Malheureusement je suis pas tout a fait compétant mais j'ai décider de l'essai. Ci il y a des faut je m'excuse et je vais essai de me améliorait. Hello friends this is my first attempt at a French-English blog. Many of my Francophone friends asked me if it was possible to translate some of my blogs into French also. So not really being competent enough to translate it i decided what the hell I'd give it a try so here it is along with my apology for any massacring of the french language.

ETRE EFFACÉ

Avez vous déjà été effacé. Effacé tu demande, ces quoi ça Rob, être effacé? Bien on sait que dans notre vie il y a des gens qui sont plus important que d'autre. Le monde qu'on aime. Plutôt des femme et des homme que ont rencontre et qu'on tombe en amour avec. Ces personne très important reste dans notre vie des fois pour des long dur et des fois pour des courte dur. Peu importe ce qui et claire ces que quand on les aime, ont les aime.

Des fois ces personne ont les aime tout de suite et d`autre fois on apprend a les aimer. Dans chaque des cas ont devient très très attacher a ces personne. Avec le temps ça viens qu'on peut pas imagine vivre sans cet personne dans notre vie. Mais comme tout chose dans la vie le temps changer les chose. Pour une raison ou une autres ont se éloigne et pour une des deux personne l'amour cesse d'être la. Ces toujours a ce moment que ont voie le vrai amour qui exister ou pas. Mais plus important le vrai caractère du personne.

D'être effacé ces quand vous cesse d'être en couple et que tu apercevoir que la personne que tu aimer et ci vite capable de passer a d'autre chose comme ci toi tu n'exister mémé pas. Avec aucune hésitation. Des fois ces juste par le simple action de ne plus te parler, des fois ces par l'action de aller fréquenter quel qu'une d'autre sans mémé laisser le porte fermer en arriéré. D'être effacé ces comme tu na jamais pris aucune place ni importance. J'ai toujours eu peut de compréhension pour cet type de personne. Le type de personne qui va te dire qu'il t'aime, qui va te dire que leur vie serait rien sans toi et peut de temps après cet personne te démontré rien que le contraire. Ces difficile, pas l'effet que ton relation termine, ça comme tout autre chose arrive dans la vie et il faut vivre avec. Mais ces le fait d'être effacé tout simplement comme un crayon sur papier par une personne que tu aimer, ça ces tout autre chose.

La plus difficile facteur a vive avec ces le déception d'avoir aime le personne parce que tu réalise que cette personne na pas de cœur. Qu'il sont pas vrai et qu'il été juste la pour bénéficier du moment et les opportunité que celle ci pourrait les amener. Pour être effacer tu n'a pas besoin d'avoir fait a rien de grave. Ta pas besoin d'avoir fait mal, d'avoir été méchant, rien comme ça. Je veut et claire par contre que si vous avez été méchant, ou abusive ou vous avez manquer de respect tu mérité d'être effacé. Mais ci ces pas le cas il avait rien que tu pouvait faire car ce personne na aucune rapproche a te faire. Ces la personne qu'il sont et tu ne peut rien faire pour changer ça. Souvent ces personne ont passer un bonne partie de leur vie a effacer d'autre personne.

Malheureusement par contre ces vous qui doit géré l'impact d'être effacé. Ces vous qui faut vivre des moment très difficile après pour essayer de comprendre. Le réponse tu les trouverait pas et ces surtout pas le personne qui ta effacé qui va te donner un coupe de main a trouver la réponse. Par défaut il faut tout simplement que tu vie avec cette mal au cœur .

L'important par exemple ces de comprendre que cet type de personne ne mérite aucune larmes. Il mérite seulement ton sympathie car ces personne vont toujours rester ou qu'il sont et vont seulement passer d'une opportunité a l'autre sans jamais trouver ce qu'il cherche. Ces personne vont ce dire tout sorte d'affaire a eu mémé pour justifier leurs action, pour leur faire convaincre que ces les autre qui sont dans tard. Mais comme tout chose le temps elle passe et la vie progresse. Une journée tout le monde faut faire face a ce qu'il sont....eh bien oui peut être pas...mais pour celle de vous qui se sont fait effacer fait vous en pas....chaque crayon a une effacé et tout le monde a une.

Pour celle de vous qui prendre du joie a effacé le monde qui été supposer d'être important dans ta vie mon message et claire...vous fait du mal...du grand mal...et ça tu peut pas effacé.

Robbie

TO BE ERASED

Have you ever been erased? Erased you say. What do you mean erased Rob? Well as you know in our lives there are people who are more important then others. Generally the people we love being the most important and effectively the women and men we fall in love with. These people turn out to be very very important in the grand picture of our lives. Sometimes these people we love are in our lives for a shot time and some for a long time. Regardless it is clear that when we love them we love them.

In certain cases we fall in love with them right away. In other case we learn to love them over time. In each case we end up becoming very attached to them. Over time it gets to the point where we cannot imagine living our lives with out the other. But unfortunately as we all know to well time moves and with it comes change. For whatever reason we grow apart and distance builds and the love fades. It is at this moment however that we get to see if true love was actually present or not. More importantly it is where we get to see the true character of the person we loved.

To be erased is when we are no longer a couple and you begin to see that the person you loved is easily able to get on with life as if you never even existed. Without any hesitation. Sometimes it is by the simple act of no longer speaking to you. Sometimes its by jumping into another relationship before the door to the one you both had has even closed. To be erased is as if you never existed, as if you never played a significant role or never took up any space in the other persons life. I've never had much sympathy nor patience for this type of person. The type of person who attests there love, who claims they would not be complete without you and shortly there after demonstrates to you the complete opposite. This is difficult, not the fact your relationship is over, because in life that stuff happens and one must live with that. It is the fact that you can be erase like pencil on paper by someone you loved, that my friends is hard.

The hardest part is to live with the sadness of having loved someone who you come to understand didn't love you and who has no heart. That this person was not real and that they were just maximizing an opportunity and benefiting from the upside. Make no mistake, to be erased you didn't have to be a bad person, you didn't have do anything wrong, you didn't have to hurt the other person. I want to be clear however that if you were abusive, excessive or lacked respect then you did indeed deserve to be erased. If that is not the case there was nothing you did nor anything you could do to change the fact you were going to be erased. It is the person they are and nothing you can do could change that fact. In fact allot of time the person has spent a great deal of there life erasing people.

Unfortunately it is you who must deal with the heart ache and sadness of having been erased. They are difficult moments and it is often hard to understand. You won't find any easy answers and the person who erased you certainly will not offer any. The reality is you have to live with the pain.

The most important thing to consider is that the person who erased you does not deserve your tears. They deserve your sympathy as they will most probably go through life erasing people and never finding what they are looking for. They will simply go from one opportunity to another using what they can and what they need. These people will defend their actions, their role and will deny any wrong doing. They will tell themselves whatever they need to get them by. As with all things time will go by and eventually time will come back around. They will eventually have to face themselves. So for those of you who have been erased fear not...everyone has a pencil and almost all pencils have an eraser.

For those of you erasing people and taking pleasure in it one word of note....for those people you were supposed to love and who loved you...you hurt them..a big hurt...and that you cannot erase.

Robbie

40 AND LOOKING FOR WHAT?

2009-04-09T09:49:00.009-04:00

So what do you do when your 40 and single? It seems more and more of us are in that boat. What prepares us for that eventuality? Well in most cases nothing but the reality of it all is quite clear. So if your 40, or close to it, or over it and your single; my comment is, "Good Luck"! I on the other hand being recently single was in a relationship for approximately 16 months with a great woman. We had some off and on periods during those 16 months but as a general rule we had a solid relationship. Eventually however we chose to go our separate ways. I admire her very much and we remain good friends.

So what do you do if your 40 and looking? Well i guess there are a lot of options. You can network through friends, work, clubs you belong too. You can always have a really bad flash back to the 80's and go clubbing....yeah you can be that perverted old guy in a club (that everyone laughs at) standing by himself with a drink grooving to the music surrounded by a bunch of twentysomethings. Or you can be that woman out on the prowl in the local well established cougar clubs (i love those clubs) or you can try what has quickly become the mantra, the Internet online match sites.

A friend of mine (you know who you are man!) suggested i take a foray into the world of online match making sites. HOLY CRAP! Well First of all there is like one Gazillion of them. Secondly there are some really scary people on there. Third you should see some of the pictures these people post of themselves; I'm sure i saw Jennifer Aniston and, Angelina Jolie on there. Fourth, you should read some of the stuff people write about themselves; i never knew there were that many perfect people in the world. These sites some of them with like 500,000 members (Jesus are there that many single people? Why the hell can't i find any in my home town?) have so many different bells and whistles you need an advance degree in PC programming to figure out how to tell people you hate eating liver.

Seriously though i decided that what better way to ensure that people don't respond to your add then by writing a TRUE description of yourself. So i did and here is how it reads;

MY ON LINE MATCH/DATING PROFILE

Hello i am a 1965 Model screw up, heavily over used, body deteriorating at rapid pace, (which means you don't want to go to a nudist beach with me). I have a good memory some days and...what was i saying? I am able to do basic math but don't ask me to pick up more then 5 things at the grocery store. I am twice divorced (well actually not divorced cause i lacked the courage and conviction to ask one of them to marry me). I basically messed up both relationships so the two women left me. I work hard at hardly working, i used to have lots of money but i pissed it all away on a variety of vices (if you get to know me I'll fill you in). I like women who generally just want to engage in physical activities (wink). I'm not at the point of needing any little blue pills yet, but if you want I'm more then willing to pop a few. Anything for a good time! I'm truly not a conversationalist nor a good listener so anything you have to say will be ignored. If the TV is on and your talking your not actually talking, just making noise. I have no clue how a Vacuum, Sink, Washer-dryer, Garbage Can or any other appliance or household amenity works other then the floor. No wait i do know how a dishwasher works....just not where you put those damn little soap pouches. I love working with tools but couldn't fix your car unless of course you want to die. I am not into cuddling after anything so your on your own...perhaps consider buying a hot water bottle. I care about my children, sports and work so you'll have to find a place for yourself on that list, most probably number 9 or 10 after my car and poker night and a few other things. It doesn't mean i won't love you, i just have priorities. I hate flowers so i won't bring you any, I'm off of chocolate (trying to maintain whats left of the deteriorating body) so head down to the local corner store and stock up for yourself. I like candle light dinners as it helps save on electricity costs. I enjoy good food as long as it can be picked up at the drive thru. I generally do not like kissing unless it is going to lead to something more interesting. I usually last about 2 minutes so do your best to maximize your pleasure and enjoyment. So any hot, single ladies out there who want a man of my incredible stature and substance send me an instant message.

P.S. I know i look allot like Brad Pitt in my photo thank you but be aware it was taken like 15 years ago so I've changed a little.

So what do you think friends? Do you think i can land a quality woman with that add? I'm telling you I'm feeling confident. I'm also feeling delusional. Hey if you have any single female friends turn them on to me OK...i could use the help.

Robbie

AN INCONVENIENT DENIAL

2009-04-04T08:09:00.013-04:00

Is there anything that gets you more pissed off then when talking heads start injecting commentary where they have absolutely no business doing so. Such is the case of Jerry Della Femina (yeah that's actually this idiots name). Jerry ''idiot'' Della Femina ( to be known in the rest of this blog as ''IDIOT'') is an advertising executive and you see he decided to pipe up on national television about a subject to which he has neither the qualifications to comment nor the experience to speak from. You see recently Keira Knightly appeared in a Public Service Announcement (PSA) http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/index.php?rn=222561&cl=12801667&ch=224106 (it is graphic in nature so please be aware prior to opening). The add is to raise awareness and to destigmatize domestic abuse.

In his infinite (lack) of wisdom Mr. Idiot (Femina) has decided that the add went to far! Ah... hey asshole, in the US there is estimated to be about 5.3 million women and a reported 1.7 million women in Canada who suffer at the hands of men. People that's 7 MILLION WOMEN BEING ABUSED! A 2005 study by the World Health Organization that assessed 24,000 women in 10 countries found that between 15% and 71% of women had experienced physical or sexual violence, or both, at the hands of their partner. They are abused on a daily basis and are trapped in relationships which can only be described as Hell on earth. So why Mr. Idiot (Femina) is the image of an obsessed boyfriend repeatedly kicking his girlfriend ''going to far''. Is it the realism? The pure brutality of it? The fact that it touches directly on a nerve? That's the point isn't it. Advertising isn't all about Cialis and Viagra and Tide Ultra Clean. Advertising has the ability and might i say responsibility to do more then fix broken erections. It has the opportunity to lift a subject into the forefront of our society. And Mr. Idiot if you believe that domestic abuse doesn't deserve to be in the forefront, then go back and stick your head up some Viagra producing pharmacutical companies marketing Director's ass and knock yourself out.

I for one am going to stand up and say these types of public service announcements are needed. Are they hard to watch? ABSOLUTELY. Certainly not harder then the woman receiving kicks to the stomach somewhere in North America as you read this Blog. Were not supposed to camouflage the problem, bury it or pretend like it doesn't exist. The adds aren't directed at the low life abusers, the add is directed at you and me. Mr. and Mrs. every day people. It is designed to heighten our awareness and potentially help us to identify with this issue and ultimately motivate us to take some action. Whether its writing a letter to your local government representative demanding more money, time and resources be made available to combat this problem; or volunteering your time to help raise money or participate in a local shelter. That's what this add is about and its very unfortunately a necessary evil in today's me, myself and I society. The add is ugly and its tough and it will hit you where you need to be hit. It should make you shake your head in disbelief. It should make you angry and sad. It should push you to action. THAT IS WHAT ITS FOR.

Every man reading this has a Grandmother, mother, sister, daughter, niece, aunt, sister in law, who is a potential victim of this. I have two ex's, 1 sister, 2 step sisters, a step Mother, a bunch of nieces, sister in laws and most importantly 1 Daughter. I am NEVER going to sit on the sidelines in regard to any of these people i love. EVER! I certainly will not allow talking heads to spew their bullshit and walk away without being challenged. Mr. Idiot (Femina) needed to keep this asinine comments to himself. They were uncalled for in the public forum. To anyway diminish, or down play the global epidemic (yeah i said epidemic) of abuse against women is a disservice to society as a whole. In my last relationship my girlfriend had two beautiful daughters. I more then anyone wants everyone who can be exposed to this tragic reality to be made aware. I want them aware because those two little girls and my Beautiful Daughter deserve for us ''the people'' to stand against this barbarism. To take whatever affirmative action we can to ensure that none of our female loved ones ever need to be subjected to that type of violence.

Mr Idiot (Femina) you make me sad to consider you as a male of the species. Your voice on this matter is mute. I wonder what you might say if one of your loved ones was amongst the 7 MILLION women suffering today. I wonder if you would then consider the add ''excessive''. I doubt it. The great thing about TV is the famous phrase ''if you don't like what you see turn it off'' well Mr Idiot (Femina)i and hopefully many others just turned YOU off!

Robbie

* FOR MICKEY & OLAVI

2009-04-01T08:58:00.036-04:00

FOR MICKEY & OLAVI

In our lives there are those who touch us in ways difficult to express. Those who added a whole dynamic to our existence. They are often the people we look to the most to help us in tough times. They are rocks or pillars and they stand the test of time. In the face of adversity, they prosper. In the face of insurmountable odds they win. They are the ones we admire and respect. They earn our love each day by simply being there, simply being "available". This is my homage to two very unique and important individuals who played a very crucial role in my life.

This is for Mickey (Mildred) my Mother in law and for Olavi (John) My father. Both lived big lives, impacted so many people in a positive way. In a twisted, warped turn of faith, Mickey passed away in early January of 2001, 3 months later on April 02, 2001 her very birthday my Father Olavi passed away.

MICKEY (MILDRED)

Mickey was a country girl to her core. She came from a family in the small community of Morin Height. She grew up in a time where going to school in the winter time often meant hooking up the sled to the horses and journing out. She came from humble beginnings and she lived a humble life. She married Owen and for 35 plus years they shared a common bond, a love and a dedication to each other which most of us today could only dream of having. Owen and Mickey ran a small business in the small town. Owen focusing on growing the business and taking care of the every day needs while Mickey tended to her growing family of 5 children. Mickey and Owen adopted 5 children. This unto itself demonstrates the pure heart of these two courageous people. Never straying far from home and with a small hobby farm located behind their local business they raised 5 fine children. Each of them growing into good strong individuals. As in any family it was not always easy or simple. Facing challenging financial times, running a business and raising 5 children this strong, dedicated woman pushed on with her husband and built a business and a place in the community which stands to this day.

I was fortunate to meet Mickey. As a result of meeting and dating her daughter we had a chance to get to know each other. I know she was instrumental in helping to ease the tension between her husband Owen and i. You see at first he was none to happy to have me dating his daughter and i know it strained my relationship with her daughter. knowing this Mickey intervened and set her man straight something along the lines of, '' mister you get your house in order with that young man, you got me''? With that came the start of a relationship which grew into Owen becoming like a second father to me. As my relationship with her daughter continued to grow i was always able to go find Mickey sitting in her regular spot at the end of the coffee counter in their store. I grew to count on her wisdom and her fine sense of viewing the world from a small world perspective.

Mickey was the type of mom everyone wants to have. She was soft when soft was called for and tough as nails if you went the wrong direction with her. She loved her children very deeply and would do anything to ensure their well being and happiness. Messing with one of her children was a very very bad idea. People often sought her out at the end of that coffee counter to discuss their every day challenges and problems. You could often find 3 or 4 stools occupied by local patrons listening or conversing with her. Mickey was also a woman who lived by the adage ''stand by your man'' never have i seen a woman so dedicated, so in love with her husband. There was no messing with him, his name or his reputation. She would have none of it. Many often joked about what exactly her husband did to land such a woman.

As time ran on and my relationship with her daughter flourished and grew into our first child; Mickey was battling debilitating arthritis. This battle eventually forced her out from her favorite spot behind the coffee counter and upstairs in their home above the store. She could often be seen on warm days sitting in the doorway overlooking the yard where years before she had hung laundry and watched her children and local kids playing in the swimming pool. Now all these years later she watched her grandchildren who she adored play in that same yard. Whenever i had a chance i would go and talk with her, it was easy, you see we lived right next door. It was just the way Mickey liked it, her daughter next door with our growing brood of children, the store down stairs, she was still the matriarch. During many of our discussions she always had a way of making me feel good about myself, she always had words of wisdom, she had a quality of courage about her which is hard to explain. I used to call her ''Grandma'' cause there were so many kids always calling after her by that name..it was fitting. Unfortunately her health continued to deteriorate and i and the rest of her family watched as this woman fought a dignified and hard battle against surmounting odds. I was fortunate enough to be with her a few days before she passed away, it was just after the holidays and our family had spent a great deal of time at the house. I think her children knew that the end was approaching though no one wanted to contemplate it.

In January of 2001 she passed away. It is to this day one of the saddest and most defining moments in my life. On that day i lost both a mother in law, a surrogate mother and most importantly a friend. When i spoke at her funeral i remember saying that the greatness of a person should not be measured by what they have or what they make but by what they contribute to the lives of others. Mickey contributed so much, she gave the world 5 outstanding children, a strong and caring husband and a community of supporters who's lives were made better by her presence. In essence her greatness was truly defined by what she contributed back. By having known her.

Mickey, happy birthday ''Grandma'', you were a rock, you were a monument to women everywhere, you were an incredible mother and grandmother. You had a heart of gold and the spirit of a saint but most importantly for me you were ''you'' and that made me a better person. I miss you! I wish you were still here.

OLAVI (JOHN)

My dad was born an only child to Finnish Parents. He grew up in Lasalle and in Maple Grove, Quebec. My Dad spent the better part of his youth in the 50's. A young man who loved cars and women. He complete high school and went on to work at various jobs before finally landing through family connections a job at Air Canada where he worked his entire career before retiring at the ripe old age of 50. In his very early 20's he married my mother and they had 3 children . We lived in Lasalle when i was very young and eventually we moved to Pincourt. When i was close to 12 my parent divorced. It was a blessing. The few years proceeding the divorce had worn everyone down it was a difficult time. After the divorce my dad struggled enormously, mainly financially but not being with his children on a regular basis took a serious toll on him. Eventually as time went on he found himself again and began to work on the ''NEW'' man he wanted to be. I respect my dad so much for this transformation. He eventually met the woman who would end up being the love of his life. Pam a single mother of two beautiful girls worked at Air Canada and they formed a friendship and love so strong that it was only a matter of time before they married.

My Dad loved fishing, he loved getting up early and coming back late. I went along with him every time i could motivate myself out of bed at 4:30am. He loved being out on the water, he had a patience that was unmatched. Every chance he got he went fishing, i think he used it as a kind of therapy. My father loved his parents and took care of them as they got older. His father suffered from dementia (now known more commonly as Alzheimer's) he stood by and visited him every day in the hospital up until his death. Every night we would go and have dinner or check on my grandmother. Before his wedding to Pam the whole family went to visit my grandmother in the hospital as she was to ill to attend. The nurses had dressed her up in her finest clothes and i remember my dad overcome with emotion as his mother hugged him and told him she loved her boy. My Dad had a big heart, he was easily moved. He cared about so much. My Grandmother passed on not long after and it was a difficult time for him.

My father was struck by a minor heart attack in his early 40's. This pushed him to change his diet and give up his 2 pack a day habit (he fell off the wagon more then once) and used to joke that it didn't matter he wasn't living forever. To which my response was, "you think it could be a little more then 40". Irked on by his love Pam and by his true willingness to live he managed to get back in shape and take better control over his life.

I was the best man at my Dad and Pam's wedding. I was never prouder then i was that day to be his son. I was filled with a sense of honor that my dad would ask me to stand beside him. My father had many friends, he was easy to like and people were drawn to him. My father had an assembler quality. He had an ability to bring people together. So to pick me was truly an honor.

When offered a chance to take a retirement package from Air Canada at 50 years old he took it. My Dad loved being a Grandpa, he and Pam eventually purchased their first home in Eastern Ontario and then purchased a second hobby farm where my dad would tend his gardens, his pond and his two Labradors. My dad loved living on that property. Pam and his gardens were legendary. There were always plenty of fresh vegetables and wagon rides for the grandchildren every time we visited. We once stocked his pond with 200 trout and were never actually able to catch one. It was one of those ironic things. I used to enjoy just talking to my dad. Often he would sneak out for a smoke (actually believing that he needed to sneak cause Pam knew nothing about his smoking...he was to funny... everyone knew about his smoking). That was my Dad though he didn't want to upset anyone, he was more interested in how everyone else was then he was about himself. He loved his family, he loved his life. My Dad was simple, not complicated, not deep, nor philosophical. He was a grounded man. He knew when to give me advice and when to say nothing. I found so many answers to questions from him and often he didn't even have to say anything. Many times a simple phone call to him thousands of kilometers away helped me find the right course of action in times of need.

Tragically on April 02, 2001 not more then 3 months after Pam herself retired and 3 months short of his 60th birthday my dad died. No pomp and circumstance, no warning, just gone. It was fitting for the way he lived. So much about caring about others and being everyone's friend so why burden anyone. Just go. His departure left a void in our family, an emptiness. My own moral compass got so messed up after i lost him. I wasn't ready, but then again is anyone? I miss him every day, he was a great dad, a dad who made mistakes and who fought hard to right himself and carry on more valiantly and more dedicated to his family. Not a day goes by Dad that i don't wish you were here, just so i could say a few words to you, see you smile, see you hug one of my children, you were a great man and i could not have asked for a better dad. I love you.

Robbie

* TAKING FOR GRANTED

2009-03-30T12:45:00.010-04:00

Is it just me or is there some reason we as human beings tend to take just about everything for granted? It struck me this weekend just how much i personally take for granted and how when you take a few minutes to reflect you begin to realize just how ungrateful we are and how blind we can be.

My realization came during a walk on Sunday with 3 of my boys. On this walk with my "men" (they are 10 to 14 years old) my eldest son was walking beside me and i looked over at him to say something and i was stopped in my tracks. You see for so long i have been used to looking down towards my son during our discussions. (not down intellectually but physically). You see i measure on the top half of 5 ft 10 inches with my shoes on. My son all 14 years old of him now measures exactly the same as me. Instead of looking down i was looking straight into his eyes. How in the hell did that happen? Standing beside me was a man, handsome and vibrant and a man in every sense of the word. I mean i can remember allot of milestones in his life (first time saying dada and mama, his first crawl, his first steps, first day of school, etc, etc..) but i am sure in the heck not ready for the first "hey Dad your looking kinda short over there" moment. It was with that that i began to recognize all the things i had taken for advantage.

As we walked along and talked i looked over at my other two boys both who will be celebrating birthdays in the next two months, both are healthy and handsome and full of energy and are catching up to their Dad. I have another son who will be 6 in a few days, he is beautiful, and has so much character and he too is growing like a weed. I don't see him nearly enough. At this moment I realized that the one thing we take advantage of so much, is time. We get cast in this role of provider, parent, super person (mom or dad) we get sucked into the vortex of every day life. Running and running and breathing then running and it goes on and on and on. We stop (or get ejected) from the vortex to recognize or appreciate milestones that are pre-programmed into us as parents. The ones i mentioned above. But time marches on without mercy; generally only when we are forced by what is some tragic or major event do we stop-full and take inventory. At that moment it is generally to tragic to allow us to truly reflect on the value of time.

My beautiful daughter (the two of us in the photo together and who by the way is now as tall as me..yeah YIKES!) who is now officially in her late teens fully equipped with her drivers license and about to go off to Europe. She has made me even more appreciate the loss of time and the things we take for granted. No where is it more evident then for a Dad to see his "little girl" grow up. I have these pictures of her when she was 3 and 4 years old. Eyes so big, so bright they could light the night. The saddest part for me was that while she was growing up i was off traveling the continent believing that making money was what was important. That providing and guaranteeing a solid foundation was more important then any "moment" i might miss. All those moments i did take for granted have long since faded into the night. They are not coming back and with them i am left an emptiness so deep and so profound. I should have taken a step (a whole lot of them) back. Unfortunately when we are in the vortex nothing bordering on appreciation is obvious. Its a hard lesson to learn but that is the tragic nature of time; it lets us see it from hindsight not near sight.

During these moments of realization about taking things for granted i am saddened by what i have lost because i always just took for granted that i might in some twisted way cheat time. Get it all back. We build this false sense of confidence that our children will always be small, always be innocent. We take for granted those we love, our husbands, wife's, girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, grandparents. We see them as not so much of value but as givens. Then all of a sudden there gone. In many cases there gone as a result of time. Time ran out for them and it impacts us because we abused it, we took for granted that time never would run out. In other cases we take for granted every single day, every action, every moment, every experience. We write them off as entitlement, we convince ourselves that those people will always be there. We are always wrong! Many leave because we lost our appreciation, our respect and our right. In most cases they left because they got tired of waiting to matter.

I personally have taken way to many things for granted and now in retrospect i realize how time has passed me by. I have pissed away almost everything and everybody who ever meant anything. I lost loves of my life, friends and family. Who do i have to blame for that? Time? Sure that would be an easy excuse, an easy way out. Unfortunately that would be simply a case of self delusion. Most of what i took for granted is gone because of my own actions, my own inaction's, my own selfish belief that anything i could take for granted would be preserved by what turned out to be every ones greatest enemy. TIME! Some people and things i have lost as the natural evolution of time, it ran out. But the things i have lost, the people i have lost because i took them for granted; those are the painful ones. So how does one stop taking things for granted? How do you get back things you might have lost? Well I'm not sure i know the answer to that. I do know that in most cases your not getting them back. That is the ultimate punishment time inflicts on those of us who take it for granted. It embellishes you in everything good it has to offer, every peak, every moment; it affords us so many opportunities and then it's gone.

I have been blessed to have some very good people in my life that i took for granted. They are all gone now. Either moved on by time, impatience or frustration. They are gone just the same. Now as i wonder about how i make sure to not do the same as i watch before my very eyes my boys turn into men; i am frightened by the reality of time and what little control i have over it. So next time your thinking that someone or something will always just be there, take a moment to reflect, and take a moment to appreciate because time is just behind you waiting to pass you by. Leaving you in
the darkness of night with only regrets.

Robbie

* A USELESS SPIN ON THINGS

2009-03-28T16:58:00.008-04:00

THINGS TO DO MORE OF

Time is not our friend it counts us down to some end, never knowing when it is, we can only climb the hill. Here my friends is my contribution to my spin on things in our life. Worth little but perhaps worth something.

GOOD LUCK

Scare yourself every day at least once
Do more of what you hate and less of what you love
Stop and watch a bird fly by
Get up to watch the sun come up
Sit on a porch and watch the sun go down

Stop and watch children play for 5 minutes
You'll find your youth coming back
Never step side ways when you can step forward
Know when to step back
Try and learn something new each day

If you broke it, try and fix it
Know the difference between broken and destroyed
Everything is 50-50
Measure what is worth your time and energy
Blow off what is not
Focus on the positive

You can control about 25% of what's happening
Don't worry about the other 75% because it isn't about you
Understand the difference between false and true danger
Your life might depend on people you might never expect
Their life might just depend on you

When you think you have it figured out, whatever it is will remind you otherwise
When you believe you found love try and recall the 100 other times you did too
When you love someone all logic goes out the window with your heart
When someone steps on you pray they aren't wearing stiletto's
Invest only what your willing to lose, the debt is to high a price to pay

Don't build walls there a pain in the ass to knock down
If your building a wall make it out of concrete.
When falling down try and land on your ass
Your ass, your head and your heart are the same there just at different positions
Don't take advantage of anything, take advantage of everything
One simple moment can last a second or a life time
Make sure if its a life time its worth it.

Actually tell the person you love; you love them
Be a better listener
Say what needs to be said, say only what your willing to own
No one is a machine, NO ONE!
Have more sex! LOTS, its a depreciating commodity
Give everyone a second chance, perhaps even more

If your 40 and still looking for love its because you don't know what it looks like
If your 40 and still bitching about life missing you, stop bitching and start looking
Nothing is perfect, nothing is simple, nothing is easy, everything takes work
Free rides are available on the bus on Christmas day and that's it!
If your going to apply yourself to each other do it equally
A teeter-totter only works if both parties participate

She'll tell you she loves you and she'll lie
He'll tell you he loves you and he'll lie
You will be forgotten in a heart beat
They'll turn the page on you so fast you won't even exist
The book always remains
Be at the ending not the beginning

Most importantly DTA!

Robbie

* YOU ARE NOTHING BUT ALONE

2009-03-26T10:02:00.009-04:00

“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”

ORSON WELLS

It struck me the other day, I'm not really sure why. I was riding along in a car heading up to Quebec City with one of my clients and their Communications Director. It was funny as i sat there in the back of the limo looking out the window at the passing landscape i was struck by how alone i felt even as i listened and participated in a conversation with two people sitting no more then a couple of feet away.

I am not completely sure but lately i have had this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. I cannot really say where exactly it stems from. I have always enjoyed my solitude. I also enjoy the company of others. There has never really been any significant periods where i enjoyed more of one or the other. I have a small core group of friends and an average group of acquaintances. I guess if you were to ask me if i prefer being around people or being alone i would probably say alone more often then with people. As a general rule though i would not always want to be alone (stranded on a deserted Island). The funny thing is this feeling of loneliness is not from being alone but from feeling it all the time even when in the company of those i enjoy.

Maybe its normal, maybe some of you get the same feeling from time to time. I am wondering though where it comes from and why lately i am haunted by it. Perhaps it is because i recently had my relationship end with a woman i admired and enjoyed very much. It wasn't an ugly split, no anger, no bitterness. Simply a mutual agreement to move on without each other. We are still friends and i see her rather regularly. Maybe as i get older and i see less and less of my children as "they" get older and start developing their own friendship circles and social life. It could be out of missing them. I am not sure if that is part of it but I'm sure in some way it is. Perhaps its the new project i started almost a month ago. It could be the new people, the new environment, the new challenges. I can't say for sure. Its hard to explain, its like something is missing. The best way i can put it is when you walk into a room in a home and you look around and for no apparent reason your struck by the idea that something is missing. You can stand there for along time trying to put your finger on it but you just can't pinpoint it. It could be due to the fact that my Ex has a new relationship, ah no that's not it!

I knew some day your runnin' would be through
And you'd think back on me and you
And your love would be strong
You'd forget all the bad and think only of all the laughs that we had
And you'd wanna come home
Now it ain't hard feelings or nothin' sugar
That ain't what's got me singing this song
It's just nobody knows baby where love goes
But when it goes it's gone gone

When you're alone you're alone
When you're alone you ain't nothing but alone

Bruce Springsteen

Does loneliness and a sense of something missing go together? Can you be happy and still be lonely? Can you go through life missing something? Always to be looking for what is missing. Is missing simply a state of mind, a belief that there has to be more to it all then what we currently have? Is it missing someone or something? Does it take "someone" to make you complete ( the Jerry McGuire line "you complete me")Does it take "something" to complete us. Like money, or ownership of a home, a car a boat, a physical object. What does it take for you to feel not alone or not missing something? I'm not sure i understand any of this to be honest. Some of these questions are legitimate, some are simply rhetorical. It doesn't help however with the dilemma i now face.

Part of me believes that no matter how much we have and how many "someones" there are in our lives we are still all ultimately alone. When you lay down at night and your thoughts wander to success, happiness, failures, regrets, we are at that moment truly alone with just ourselves. Those images dancing through our minds are uniquely and exclusively ours. We either built them, or had them built for us by others. In the end thought they belong to us. Yes perhaps someone who was in your life or is still in your life and who impacted it is at the very same time contemplating the very same thing you are. It doesn't change the fact that your still alone. In fact in a world driven by a rat race mentality, pushed on by evolving technology we are confronted with loneliness more then we realize. I think in some ways these very same elements which invade our lives on a daily basis are in fact making us more alone. Are taking something away from us, are making us miss something.

When you think about it you start to realize the very lack of human contact. Banking over the Internet, drive through fast food, chat and messenger, automated telephone services, home delivery and shopping over the Internet. All of this and much more has greatly reduced and in some cases eliminated altogether people to people interaction. I'm not saying that any of this has anything to do with my current state of loneliness. Actually i don't think it does. But if your feeling lonely or are missing something perhaps there in lies some answers. It is however a fact of reality in today's society so maybe it does in my case play some small role. More likely though for me its about missing something fundamental, about the true needs we have today to feel part of the story, part of the process. The pages turn so fast that one can often get the feeling that your speed reading with no qualifications to do so. That your only catching glimpses of the pictures which minimize the importance of the actual foundation of the story.

There is also the simple fact that when your with other people everyone seems much more in tuned to themselves then their surroundings. We can talk to someone but never really hear what they are saying. Many times if the conversation is "heavy" we switch it off so as not to be pushed to actually contribute in any way to that person or their challenges. We can be present in a group and feel like a complete outsider simply by the current events in our lives which go unnoticed by those we are close to. We can be alone while being in the company of others without any effort. It is surprising how when something significantly bad happens to someone in our entourage the type of reactions we have. "Man i never knew it was that bad" what happened? I'm flabbergasted". "How come were only finding this out now", "if we had known we would have done something". Those words sound familiar? Sure they do! I personally have said them many times in relationship to my friends. In hindsight when i challenged myself to analyses if i had really been paying attention i often arrived at a pretty negative conclusion of myself. I think that in part explains the feeling of loneliness when we realize that not only have we perhaps not been engaged ourselves but that we have in fact not been listening.

I'm not sure about any of it. The only certainty for me at this very moment is its just me and this keyboard and i'm going to keep on looking for what is missing and try and find the answer to why i feel alone but for the mean time...

"When you're alone you're alone.
When you're alone you ain't nothing but alone.

Robbie

* LES GLORIEUX, THE DEPARTED and BOY GEORGE

2009-03-23T19:09:00.023-04:00

Les Glorieux are for sale, they might soon be departed and Boy George is heading out of town. Board up the windows everyone. Chain down everything that can be used as a projectile in a riot. Move your cars from Ste Catherine's Street to the west island, Shuttle Bus the street walkers to Laval. Shut down all the gas stations, call up the National Guard (wait we don't have a National Guard) ok, ok, call in the Surete de Quebec reinforcements from ST Louis de HA HA (they'll be here in 3 days).Whats going on? THE CANADIENS ARE FOR SALE! Oh my God!

People will be jumping from their office windows in the Place Ville Marie Tower. The girls at WANDA'S are applying for jobs in Fort McMurry. The analysts from RDS, 110% and Anti Chambre are already applying to TSN (Toronto Sports Network). Benoit Brunet is changing in those gay glasses for some contact lenses. Dave Morissette is applying to the WWE (the only job he might actually be qualified for).Michel Bergeron is checking with his Hollywood contacts to see what the chances of landing a part in ''LES BOYS'' Part whatever. Bertrand Raymond is considering going to work for the anti suicide hotline (business will pick up with the sale). Yes Folks its pandemonium in Montreal.

I am always slightly amused, perplexed, frightened, bewildered and down right fascinated when things go horribly wrong with ''Les Glorieux''. Nowhere in the northern hemisphere do people take a sport more seriously (alright there was some place in South America where they killed a soccer player for letting in a goal) but truly no where in the normal world (wait did i just say Montreal was normal).OK hang on, i'm all over the map with this article so far. Well quite fitting with the way the Canadiens have been for the last ?? years. Anyways friends are any of you really surprised to hear that the king of companies is looking to potentially sell his franchise. I mean we are talking about junk bond king Gillette, (Boy George) 1992 Chapter 11 champion. New majority owner of the Liverpool soccer team. The King of Ski hills. Did anyone really think this guy was serious about ''LES CANADIENS''

Oh yes, yes, there will be those of you who will start writing me to tell me all the wonderful things BOY GEORGE has done for hockey in Montreal. What a good businessman he is and how we were fortunate to have him as an owner. Well let me just tell those 4 people (his Kids) right off the bat; don't bother writing i won't publish your comments..i mean geez, common. Ah there i go again i regress. The truth is BOY GEORGE is a business man and any good chapter 11 champion will tell you he knows when to get out of Dodge..ER..Montreal. He sees the writing clearly now; failure, no playoffs and Russian mafia combined to break this camels back. The talking heads that are the quote, unquote gods of hockey in this town just didn't know when to shut the hell up.

To quote Dwayne ''The Rock'' Johnson, ''IT DOESN'T MATTER who you are''. The years have ticked off the scoreboard in this town. History can only hold you over, can only carry you for so long (unless of course your a Maple Leafs fan..in which case your just a sadist). The media here, the talking heads, the ex coaches, ex players have been so delusional for so long that they in some way convinced themselves that THEY were the Franchise. That it was them and not the actual owner who would decide the outcome of this team. OH, make no mistake, over the next few months these talking heads will talk even louder, as loud as they can to make sure that the French Canadian heritage is defended, they will demand french ownership, they will tell everyone how no American, or Englishman can actually appreciate the French suffering, they will BLAH BLAH BLAH us to death with it all. More coverage will be dedicated to this issue then the local poutine competition in Lac St Jean. The talking heads will completely ignore the true ownership history of this club (see my blog ''Canadiens the new Toronto Maple Leafs'' article for a refresher). These media pie-holes will do everything they can to influence the naive band wagon hoppers, the ''historyclingers'' and the sentimental swoons that their team is really their team and that they are rightfully entitled to some type of voice on the future of this team. If it wasn't all so funny it would be funny.

In my mind i would like nothing better then to see this team leave this town (my Dad just rolled over in his grave). Death threats will start to pour in. What i say here i say because it needs to be said, only if to make everyone appreciate what we truly have here. You see friends for way to long we have been lulled into a sense of entitlement. The talking heads have for way to long had many people here actually believing that this team does belong to us. It doesn't! The moments, the history, the accomplishments, the heart breaking lows, the breath stopping highs, those belong to us, but they don't give us ownership they give us memories. There unto itself is part of the biggest problem of this franchise and anyone who might even contemplate purchasing it. With any great success comes an even greater desire for greater success. In the case of the Canadiens history has become their greatest enemy.

Hockey isn't what it was in the 50's, 60's or 70's with expansion came profitability, came big business, came sponsorship and corporate boxes. Came ticket prices that excluded the core supporters of the sport; the father with his children enjoying and passing on the torch of their hero's. With the change came expectations of winning all the time or at the very least giving the impression of winning. The sport took a complete turn from what brought it to its heights. The reason rabid fans of Montreal truly believe they have ownership is because back then those players were part of the landscape, part of the fabric of the city. they were working class hero's on a pedestal so high that they could have shook hands with God. But the players back then understood their role, understood the great responsibility. Today the millionaire's and their agents go from free agency to free agency without the slightest regard for history or tradition. The Canadiens PR department has done a wonderful job over the decades at keeping the luster, the dream, the idea of what this team was supposed to be alive. Without them they would be just another team in just another town. Look at the 100th year celebration, the all star game, the throw back uniforms, the plaza garnished with bricks and statues. Its all about heritage but if anything its more about memories

Over the next few months everyone from the Premier to the Prime minster, to potentially the Pope himself will be forced to pipe in on the subject. Irked on by a rabid media that would not know how to go on if the Canadiens were to ever leave. Now many of you are saying forget it Rob, it will never happen; this team will never be allowed to leave this town. Maybe your right, but you know what? Money talks and bullsh..ah...this team doesn't play. There are simply not that many dollars ready to step forward to inherit this disaster (estimated to be worth approx $415 million including the Bell Centre). The risk is not what it used to be, the luster is not as polished, there are no banners hanging since 1993. This team has more negatives then positives. There is a reason Briere, Lecavalier, Sundin, etc, etc. don't play here. You also best believe that even in this depressed economy there is some business man in some town like Hamilton, Seattle, and believe it or not Winnipeg that would love to have a shot at owning the most storied sports franchise in North America. If i was a rabid fan I'd be checking real estate in some of the above mentioned towns cause the party no matter how enticing, entertaining and downright fun its been for the last 100 years might actually be ending. NA NA NA NA...NA NA NA NA...HEY HEY HEY...GOODBYE.

Robbie

LOOKING FOR TOMORROW YESTERDAY, ''PASTCLINGING''

2009-03-22T16:16:00.018-04:00

The arrival and growth of Social Internet sites such as Facebook, Myspace, Netlog and many others to numerous to mention has created a new phenomenon i like to call ''PASTCLINGING''. What is ''PASTCLINGING'' you might ask? Well it is a new phenomenon which is directly attributed to the sites i mentioned above along with sites like classmates.com, reunion.com, mylife.com and again to many others to mention. These sites have sprung up, some dedicated primarily to social, family and friends networking and some dedicated to finding past friends, teacher and high school sweet hearts. In essence they all have (including Facebook and Myspace) the tools to search for these long lost memories of the past. People everywhere are using them to get back in touch with the past. And when i say in touch i truly mean in many cases, ''in touch''!

I know some particular people who for whatever reason have began to use these tools as a way to find something that is missing. Or perhaps not so much missing but more likely lost. In today's society it has become so easy to believe that we can back up. That we can rewind the tape and potentially erase what we are now and restart at the beginning (everyone's beginning is at a different place in time). In all fairness its not even a going back, its more like a belief that there is something from our past that if we could fast forward it to now would in some way make our lives the way we want them to be. Or potentially lead us on a path similar to the one we were on when we were younger. Connections to our past generally manifest themselves in people and events we lived with those people. Really no different then what we do today in the present. So now with all these tools to go searching for those past people, many are taking advantage to see if there truly is something back there. They are ''PASTCLINGING''

In one particular case i know of a woman who has for the last few months become quasi obsessed with people from her past. Finding old flames, old high school sweethearts and engaging in behaviour that would probably make for an excellent case study at the Medical University. Much of this searching i believe is driven by the belief that answers to today's situations, today's life might be easier to find in someone from the past. That relationships although some as old as 25 years ago might still be the same today as they were back then. That perhaps love doesn't always fade. She has contacted a few old loves in what i consider dangerous behaviour. Now to the point in one case where they are writing letters back and forth with a quote, ''Happily married man'' who is apparently professing his long, ever dying love, 25 years later. Now if you think that this is normal behaviour then you might have already engaged in this process before yourself. But if your like me you find this relatively seedy to say it nicely. I am of the mind set that interfering in someones marriage whether you do it after the car pulls out of the driveway and you knock on the door (not that I'm speaking from experience) or you engage in online ''fooling around'' to me it constitutes a breech of a couples bonds and commitments. (and not proudly i am somewhat of an expert on cheating behaviour).

I recently asked this person if they would mind if the guys wife were to read their exchanges. The answer i got back was cloudy to say the least. But more importantly it was twisted with a, ''well there is nothing wrong with it'' type attitude. UUUMH! yes there is something wrong with it! If your not married and he is and your entertaining anything, THAT'S ANYTHING, in the way of motivating him to believe there is some sort of chance; then you certainly are doing something wrong. What I'm seeing and hearing more of lately is this ''PASTCLINGING''. People have deluded themselves into believing that 20 years of history hasn't changed much of anything, i mean hey i loved them when i was 17 so i can certainly love them again. Its kinda like what we had then we can have again now. AH STOP RIGHT THERE! no way, no chance! Time moves and with it we do to. The person you knew 20 years ago is NOT the same person today. NO WAY NO HOW. Yes they might have traits still similar, they might even look relatively the same, but be sure that they are not the same person.

It struck me that this behaviour is more like a long distance orgy. A Fictitious world you enter by typing in a user name and password and BANG there you are right back in that place 20 years ago. Its a safe feeling to know that who your enticing, flirting or down right cyber sexing is someone who at one point meant something to you. In pure reality though you would be just as well off to log onto a cyber cam site (i know nothing about those sites by the way) and get it on with some complete stranger. Because the person you knew 20 years ago might just as well be a stranger. Yes you can catch up and generally that's where the process starts, as time evolves the discussion turn towards your happiness and your needs and the ''what if's'' in life. The next thing you know your engaged in, ''well if you were here with me now i would be _________________ you''. That's how fast it happens and then your in it. The professions of, ''Oh i have always loved you you were the love of my life...blah blah blah''. And while it might all seem rather Innocent, the reality of all of this is; there are peoples families involved and any encouragement of this behaviour is wrong. No different then waiting in a seedy motel, in a car or after the driveway is empty. It all boils down to the same thing.

The other side of this story is the ''PASTCLINGING'' desire to go see old flames, girlfriends and boyfriends from the past once we have found them on line. If there single and so are you thats fine and it can be a just ''lets see'' attitude about trying it out. Now I'm not saying that its impossible that there could be a reconnection but as a rule of thumb, forget it. No matter how well they look, no matter how kind time has been to them you better be willing to approach it the same way you would if you met someone on an online dating service. Very very carefully. So if your contemplating going back in time to meet an ex then do it with lots of care and keep in mind that this isn't 1985. And don't be disappointed if you end back at the same place you are now.

My message to you ''PASTCLINGERS'' that are already involved in online activities is this. Back away from your keyboard, go look at the calendar...its 2009 not 1985. That person your trying to reconnect with has their life and you know what? You weren't part of it for the last 25 and your not going to be part of it for the next 25. The only thing you might get is a rush of excitement and in allot of cases a bunch of disappointment cause it might feel good now but the 15 minutes is ticking away and you better hope his wife doesn't find the transcripts cause your PASTCLINGING will be over faster then that; and that sure messes up 25 years of history. If your confused about where you stand with what I'm saying challenge yourself to this one simple task. Send everything you have written to each other to that persons husband or wife. If your not willing to your doing something wrong. CLEAR?

Robbie

* CANADIENS THE NEW TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS

2009-03-20T11:27:00.014-04:00

OH BOY! THE TOWN IS COMING UNRAVELED. THE EFFIGIES ARE BEING ERECTED FOR BURNING. CITIZENS ARE DEMANDING ACTION. CITY HALL IS READY TO GET INVOLVED. THE PROVINCIAL GOVERNMENT IS CONVENING A SPECIAL PARLIAMENTARY COMMITTEE. THE PRESS IS DEMANDING HEADS TO ROLL. What might you ask is happening, has the economy gotten that bad, is the health system deteriorated to the point where the government might fall, is the education system finally at the breaking point, is the government going Bankrupt. NO its nothing that minor, it's the Montreal Canadiens in 8th spot and poised to potentially miss the playoffs..my God stop the presses, shut down the town, run...hide your Tiny Tim Horton hockey playing children, lock up the wife...its chaos.

Listen i don't want to say i told you so but I TOLD YOU SO! In this city so preoccupied by its hockey that a guy would rather watch hockey on TV then go to a strip club and have Natasha bent over to show him her "assets", nothing less then success is demanded. But here is where it gets rather comical. We haven't had success in this town for over 16 years...let me repeat that 16 years. Oh yes i know this is the hockey Dynasty, the holy grail, the lost Ark of the National Hockey League. Wait hold the phone. Rush down to the old Forum (the Pepsi Forum...no wonder the ghost are pissed off) get the ghosts bring them to the Bell Center (Beaver Centre in more ways then one..wink) everything will be fine. AH NO!

This town has gotten to be as bad as the wind filled lungs of the conservative tight ass club also known as the Toronto Maple Leafs. Yes i said it! Start sending me the hate mail. But for God sakes people lets take our collective heads out of our asses and start calling a spade a spade and not a shovel. This team has been nothing but a disaster for the longest time. Yes way past the time when we won 2 Stanley cups in 1986 and 1993. For so long the media and the rabid fans have convinced themselves and anyone needing a lift on a band wagon that this team was great. When in fact all actual evidence points to the complete opposite. You have to go back to 1978-79 season to see when the last time the Canadiens were truly the dynasty of old. The team which was so overwhelmingly better then everyone else that they rightly deserved the name dynasty and their true place in sports greatness. Since then 30 years ago (swallow collectively..yes 30 years ago) this team has been nothing more then a team amongst 30 some other teams battling it out with nothing but 2 Stanley cups to show for its efforts.

Every game night and any other night in between on TV we are bombarded with all these talking heads; from ex coaches and players of the Habs, to ex coaches and players of other teams to media types who never laced up their skates in anything other then a minor junior league continuing to feed us all these false expectations. The Montreal Canadiens franchise has become exactly like the Toronto Maple Leafs. It has no heart any more. In a town once dominated by a passion so strong for hockey that it was rumored that if a game was played Sunday morning at 10am the churches would be empty (in a society predominantly 70% catholic). This team that at one time was a team for the people by the people has become nothing more then a hollow shell of corporate America. The goal isn't to win and win only. The goal is to manage it, to maximize it, to play on the traditions of old, to lull us all into a sense of acceptance. The challenge isn't nor has it ever been to fill seats or sell corporate boxes, the history alone of this team has taken care of that. The goal now is simply to make it make sense financially and to manage it no different then any other business.

The Canadiens have become the classic example of over state, over promise, over expect and under deliver. Much of the problem lies in the hands of the media who sell enormous amounts of news paper, TV time and magazines filled with advertising space. Another part of the problem lies with the way the team is structured and the twisted history which French media types try and attach back to the French Canadian heritage. When in fact other then great players like Maurice "Rocket" Richard, Beliveau, Bernie "Boom Boom" Geoffrion, Jacques Plante, Lafleur, (and a bunch i left out) has nothing at all to do with the french Culture. It was originally supposed to be about french players and french ownership but that never really transpired.

Look back to the The Canadiens; they were founded by J. Ambrose O'Brien on December 4, 1909, as a charter member of the National Hockey Association, O'Brien was from Ontario. The team was then sold to George Washington Kendall (aka George Kennedy)a Quebecois of Irish-Scot dependency. On November 3, 1921, his widow sold the Canadiens hockey team for $11,000 to businessmen Joseph Cattarinich (Italian descent), Leo Dandurand and Louis A. Letourneau. Dandurand was the active partner during their tenure (Dandurand was born in Bourbonnais, Illinois. He moved to Canada with his family when he was 16 years old)(Cattarinich was known as "The Silent One" and Létourneau sold his stake in 1930)In 1935 a syndicate of local Montreal businessmen led by Maurice Forget and Ernest Savard stepped forward to buy the club .In 1957, brothers Tom and Hartland Molson, owners of the Molson brewery, purchased the team. The 1950s were by far the most successful decade for the Canadiens, and it is believed by many that the Habs of this era were the best team in NHL history. Between 1950-51 and 1955-56, the Canadiens made the finals every year, winning six times (including a record five straight between 1955-56 and 1959-60). The team's owner, the Molson brewery, decided to refocus on its core business and sell the Canadiens (the Molson Centre was subsequently also put up for sale). After being unable to entice any Canadian investors to make an offer,[27] Molson sold an 80.1% interest in the team and 100% of the Molson Centre to American investor George N. Gillett Jr. As you can see the whole French Canadien ownership is more likely ownership by default of the Fans and not by true French Canadians. In essence a false sense of proprietorship which is more tangible to the great french speaking players then it is to the Club itself.

So here we are today the 20th day of March 2009, Two weeks after the firing of the coach and into a dismal slide out of the playoffs and the talking heads are still talking as if the Dynasty still existed. IT DOESN'T. I remember back to the day when Houle, Tremblay and Cournoyer were named to lead the team. I remember saying that that decision was like putting, goofy, mini and mickey mouse in charge of the Disney Franchise. We've been through 5 coaches in the last 10 years. This team has become a joke. The leading scorer on the team is a defense man. We have two 20 goal scorer, a captain who has done nothing in the way of winning (minus his personal health and injury battles) A bunch of Russian mafia types (that's a play on the media hype that turned out to be nothing involving a few of the Russian players). We have an over hyped, over his head 21 year old goalie. And a bunch of other guys that nobody else in any town outside of Quebec could name.

The sad reality for everyone is nothing is going to change. This team might sneak in by a nose hair into the playoffs. Skate around and make the over hyped over expecting and dreaming fans happy. Get knocked out in the first round and then listen to the front office executives tell us about the optomism for next season. GIVE ME A BREAK. In the end this team is going nowhere near Lord Stanley's hardware anytime soon. So folks tune in to 110%, anti chambre or RDS blowhard analysts and talking heads, pick up the Gazette, the Journal de Montreal, La Presse so they can tell you every reason why the Canadiens can't win but you should keep on dreaming. Listen to the great debate about the next coach and how he has to be a Francophone or be able to speak french even though there are only 5 French players on the team. People get the golf bag out, shine the clubs and watch the silliness. GO LEAFS GO! (yeah there not making the playoffs either).

Robbie

* THE CLOWN AND THE CONDOMS

2009-03-18T11:39:00.014-04:00

PICTURE OF THE HEAD CLOWN AND HIS THREE RING CIRCUS.

Pope says condoms are not the solution to Aids - they make it worse. On his way to his first visit to Africa, Pope Benedict XVI told attendant members of the press that he believes encouraging condom use not only doesn’t help in the fight against AIDS, but actually worsens the situation. In his first public comments on condom use, the pontiff told reporters en route to Cameroon that Aids “is a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, and that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problems”. Pope Benedict has previously stressed that the Roman Catholic Church is in the forefront of the battle against Aids. The Vatican encourages sexual abstinence to fight the spread of the disease.

After his election as Pope, Benedict described Aids as a “a cruel epidemic which not only kills but seriously threatens the economic and social stability of the continent”, but reiterated the Vatican ban on the use of condoms.

YOUR JOKING ME RIGHT? NO! I am and never will cease to be amazed by the absolute insanity and down right flagrant absurdity of the "Establishment" (church) and its head clown. These people (i use that term loosely) and King BOZO have their heads so far up their asses on this issue that there is no likely hood that the light of day will ever be seen yet even acknowledged. The World Health Organisation responded saying, "These incorrect statements about condoms and HIV are dangerous when we are facing a global pandemic which has already killed more than 20 million people, and currently affects at least 42 million." The WHO said that "consistent and correct" condom use reduces the risk of HIV infection by 90 per cent.

Now who are you going to believe a bunch of celibate (well if you don't count their interest in young boys) old, way beyond their time, robe wearing, double standard, double talking, beyond the truth assholes. Or are you more likely to believe the people at the World Health Organization who have decicated people (doctors, nurses, etc) in the battle zone, at ground zero who spend their days experiencing and measuring the pure agony and destruction AIDS has inflicted on these people. Well i for one am going to side with the "WHO". I'm not going to side with them because i have serious issues with the "establishment" over all. I'm going to side with the "WHO" because not only they but just about every other respected organization which has spent any time studying (using true science and factual information) the question of condoms vs. abstinence will tell you outright that condoms go much further in helping not only limit sexually transmitted diseases but significantly impacts unwanted pregnancies. And you see my friends here in lies the issue.

Do you think the "Establishment" wants to limit the number of births every year? Especially in predominantly Catholic regions? Do you think the "Establishment" actually cares about sexually transmitted diseases. No what it cares about is birth rates. Pure and simple. That unto itself is disgusting. What is by far more disgusting is the self appreciating, grandstanding, and moral authoritarian nonsense perpetrated by the "Establishment". As they fly in on a private jet that consumes net value of fuel which could feed a 1000 people in this region for a month. They are so far out of touch with this region and its problem that that same jet might as well be headed for the moon. Keep in mind friends that this is the same "Establishment" that for decades turned its back on the young children being abused by its clergy and protected those very same individuals; allowing them to stay in their positions and continue to abuse and assault young children. Just so you know BOZO that makes you and your ''Establishment'' morally bankrupt in my and many others eyes. Your ''Establishment'' is no different then the vultures which prey on innocent people in the Banking industry, Investment and Insurance industry. They are all "establishments" designed to make the rich richer and make the poorer...well DEAD!

Having children myself i am sickened by the notion that anything the "Establishment" might say could be in fact interpreted as good common sense by my children. Because it is so far from sense that even a science fiction writer would be embarrassed. I personally want strong dedicated individuals (doctors, nurses, social workers, caregivers, etc) with working experience on the matter, with concrete studies and science to be driving this issue and the solution to it. I want good strong educators promoting all options including abstinence without ruling out the use of Condoms as good common sense against hormone driven teenage desires (or adult ones for that matter). This issue is far to important, no critical not only for our own children (and Adults) but for those abroad who suffer and die needlessly as the "Establishment" and their head Clown continue to promote ideas with no foundations, polices with no results, and beliefs so outlandish that only people sitting under a BIG TOP (or in a church) would be likely to believe.

Hey Head Clown! Give those people some condoms and some of the 150 billion your "Establishment" is rumoured to be worth. Or maybe just take the ridiculous amount of money you pay lawyers to settle your closet pedophilia cases and donate that to "WHO". Then maybe some of us will be less likely to see you as nothing more then a Sunday matinee event. Goddamn Clowns!

Robbie

* THE SILENT COURAGEOUS

2009-03-16T19:44:00.014-04:00

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows achievement and who at the worst if he fails at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

From a speech given in Paris at the Sorbonne in 1910 by Theodore Roosevelt

To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.

From; Theodore H. White

Are you courageous? Do you have it in you to face any challenge? To be put in any situation and have the courage to face it. What is courage? Is it internal? Is it external? Where does it come from? Is courage a notion measured by previous acts, by previous doings? Is courage something of a tool by which we measure the value of others? Is it measured by the value man puts on a specific commodity like, life, freedom, family, Country? What defines courage? Is courage the simple act of facing an absolute enemy, an absolute challenge and overcome it? Or is courage simply doing whatever it takes on a daily basis? Regular acts and moments which go un-noticed. Is that not the greatest courage of all? Are courage and heroism the same thing? Wow that's a ton of questions!

Interesting questions. All of us know courageous people, all of us have them in our circle of family and friends. Some are outwardly courageous, some have been recognized for their acts of courage or heroism. But many of our friends and family are courageous and many of us never see it. These people i believe are the the ones we never come to understand. (I'll talk about them later on as the ''silent courageous'') We never come to appreciate what they face. I think courage or the acts of courage are best defined by those not seen by the masses. Those small acts which make someone more then just one of us. They are perhaps moments defined and described in ways so profound that the average non courageous person cannot begin to understand;

When I get home people 'll ask me, "Hey Hoot, why do ya do it man? Why? Just some war junkie?" Ya know what I'll say? I won't say a goddamn word. Why? They won't understand. They won't understand why we do it. They won't understand that it's about the men next to you, and that's it. That's all it is.

Sfc. Norm 'Hoot' Hooten, Black Hawk Down (2001)

When we think of courage we think of it terms of facing measurable adversity. In facing down big enemies. Recall the one man vs. the tank in Tiananmen square, recall the soldier face to face in the Oka crisis, the man who jumps into a raging river to save a toddler he doesn't know. Think about police and fire fighters running up stairs in collapsing world trade centres. All of these moments are defined as courageous acts by brave men and women.They are often captured by the global media and beamed into living rooms everywhere. These courageous acts can be defined in two categories.

1. Courageous Acts by those expected to act
2. Courageous Acts by unknowns with no definitive reason for acting

I have always been fascinated by the number 2's. You see most of us expect that the number 1's are not to do anything less then act courageously. We believe and rightly so in most cases that those individuals of the number 1 category are proscribed to acts of courage, bravery and heroism. For 3 years i served on a volunteer fire department and all of the men (there were no women in the dept at the time)i served with were genuinely predisposed to acts of courage. There wasn't one of them that wouldn't do whatever it took in any situation. You see however that these brave men were already serving in the department because they had a desire to act out in this manner. So i just always expected them to act courageously. On the other hand i have always been impressed with the number 2's. The number 2's raise our hope in mankind every time we are witness to one of their acts. They make us believe that indeed we can face down adversity and enemies so much larger then us. That we can stand in belief of something regardless of the potential consequences. These people are not however those for which i have the greatest admiration. I hold that for those that act courageously in ways we never even see or recognize. They are in essence the ''silent courageous''.

Who are these ''silent courageous''you ask? Well to me they are;

* The mother of 4 who does her best to juggle every day with her job, her children, her house, her finances.
* The mother of 1 who has no help from anyone.
* The woman who regardless of how hard life has been gets up everyday and smiles and pushes on and is positive in the face of insurmountable adversity.
*The woman who is falling asleep at every opportunity because she is exhausted from driving her children from one activity to another with no help.
* The child who struggles each day in a children's hospital somewhere worrying more about the health and the impact of their illness on their family.
* The man who stays committed to his children regardless of what the system throws at him to prevent him from doing the only thing he wants to do ''be a good Dad''.
* The guy who works 18 hours a day at 2 or 3 jobs to bring home a mere $8.50 an hour so that his family can have a decent life
* The doctors in far off lands getting paid nothing to try and make a difference when the whole world is looking in another direction.
* The kid running, or skating, or rowing or swimming long after the lights go out because he or she believes they can be better.
* The person in a wheel chair who gets the looks and the door slammed in their face but continues on with resolve and commitment.
* The men and women who at this very moment are sliding along on their bellies in some far off land where there are no cameras, no media and are doing what needs to be done so that we can have, ''what we have''.

These are just a few of the ''silent courageous''. There are so many more. Think about those you know or those you know about who would deserve to be on the list. More importantly though it is YOU who most importantly needs to recognize your courage; because something your facing, something your dealing with, the day to day grind qualifies you for ''silent courageousness'' and while most will never know, no one will see you on TV or in the newspaper. Unlikely anyone will come and congratulate you but there are those who know. And there are those who want you to know that you are what keeps everyone else going. So when your worn down by it all know more then ever that your courage is indeed greater then you. It is greater then us all. Never give up! Never relent!

Robbie

* GODLESSNESS, A WORLD WITHOUT FAITH

2009-03-15T10:30:00.018-04:00

I was recently reading my friend Tim's Blog. Tim was taking issue with the Catholic Establishment (notice i didn't call it church) and more particularly there seemingly asinine attitude towards everything scientific. What got me to thinking wasn't so much anything Tim said about the ''establishments'' policies, practices (or lack there of) because i agree with him 100% on that issue. What got me to thinking was what he mentioned about Douglas Adam’s treatise on God and faith, which basically states that if God proved his existence, then faith would be destroyed as people would know it is a fact. Since faith is destroyed God ceases to exist as his “power” is derived from the faith people have. Thus, God has proven himself to not exist.. That premise got me to thinking and as most of you know that isn't a very good thing for me to do.

Hence, as the hamsters started to ramp up and the engine started to churn this question started to develop in my mind and it went like this. If we knew (us Humans) that there was truly no God, if we had absolute proof (some say we already have it)that there was no GOD. What would happen? By what would happen i mean, would the world come unravelled at the seams? Would archbishops be jumping from cathedral roofs? Would Jews everywhere feel a sense of relief? Would the Koran quoting extremists become mellow? Would we see a guy who looks allot like the Pope standing on a street corner in Italy with a card board sign reading, ''business closed down, out of work, hungry, please help...GOD BLESS!''. I'm perplexed by the question of what a Godless world might look like, no wait we already know that answer, we live in one. Ok, ok, i regress, but seriously my friend Tim with his Douglas quote has raised a serious question.

It goes something like this. I'm going to call the day after it was proven that no God existed, ''FAITH DAY''. So after ''Faith day'' would everything we value and cherish go out the window, would anarchy rein, would rape, pillaging and plundering become the standard? I'm curious, aren't you? Do you believe that some aspect of our belief system in God helps maintain social order? Its an interesting question no? I mean lets face it there is a large portion of the population who believes in a God (there are to numerous versions to mention here), and a large portion of them are ''GOD FEARING''. God fearing means they generally tow the line out of fear of being BBQ'd in Hell for something like, FOREVER! What would happen to these aimless souls after ''Faith Day''? Another question. What would happen to all the collar, hat, cloak, scarf head, ambassadors of God. More importantly what would happen to all the televangelists. No more importantly then that. What would happen to their overly polished, tit inflated, make up wearing, nympho leather in the back alley parlor wives? My God people it would be anarchy.

According to http://www.usccb.org/comm/backgrounders/caradata.shtml there are 1,114,966,000 Catholics worldwide. The ''establishment'' is worth anywhere from 90 to 150 Billion dollars (its secret you see, its not a publicly traded company, its kind of like Bernie Madoffs trading firm)no true figure is known so it depends on who you talk to. So you can appreciate that ''Faith Day'' might have a slight impact on the net value of the ''Establishment''. So having said this, in your mind who's best interest is it in to never allow or do everything you can to stop ''Faith Day'' from ever happening. All of this still doesn't answer the BIG question though. What would happen to our world the day after ''Faith day''? Do you believe that moral fiber (whats left of it) would disintegrate? Would our moral compass go south? What would hold us in check? Our laws? What would be the frame work for right and wrong. If no God existed, if there was no such thing as good and evil. No hell to burn in. Would the tap be turned wide open to total disintegration of our social structure? It is a perplexing question isn't it?

One arguing on the side of ''normality would rein'' might simply argue that our consciousness, our own derived compass would hold the course. That centuries upon centuries of values would not simply cease to exist just because of ''Faith Day''. They might argue that the values we cherish and apply in our every day life would remain constant, that no matter the lack or existence of a God people everywhere would simply continue to be driven by our pre-established notion of right and wrong, good and Bad. By our system of laws. That nothing would change because the systems in place would remain regardless of what is real and what is not. That the laws however created where what was important, for they are black and white, on paper, relevant, you can touch them. In essence what they would argue is that it doesn't really matter if there was a God because our world and the things we value and stay true to, are in simple fact, irrelevant of God. Strange point to make if your a believer.

I on the other hand am torn about what ''Faith Day'' would mean. I am on the record as saying i am not sure what God is. I don't go to church other then to go to a funeral or a marriage (same thing in essence). I do pray, every time I'm in a bar and looking at the really pretty girl sitting across from me i Pray...''oh God please don't let me get shot down''. Seriously though i do pray..to who I'm not sure but i do it anyways. I do not come from an overly religious family. But i do believe in something. So based on this i ask myself if there was no God would men (and women) be more likely to do just about anything without the ''fear of God''. If i apply it to my own life i ask myself would i have been more or less likely to lie, cheat, steal etc..if there was no God. I did those things anyways knowing, well believing that there was potentially a God. So if there was no God would i be likely to want to do more of the same. Now that i have recognized my mistakes and admitted my wrongs, and am trying to fix them would i be more in tuned to say, ''ah F*7% IT! There is no God so what''. In my case i have to say no. I would be just as likely to continue to be repentant in my wrongs and dedicated to being better regardless of a God.

The question is. What would you do? Would anything change for you? Would your moral compass dive southwards? Would you be lost? Would you drop the notions of what you believe to be right and wrong and start off on a path of destruction? Are the laws which govern us the actual sole parameters by which we conduct ourselves? By which you conduct yourself?. Are our laws based on the foundation of right and wrong on the notion of a God. A good and evil. Or are they simply natural conclusion which we would have reached regardless of the presumed existence of God. Its not an easy question. The 10 commandments are the frame work by which our society is now structured wether you believe in God or Not. Here are just a few; 6. not to commit murder; 7. not to commit adultery; 8. not to commit theft; 9. not to give false evidence; and 10. not to be covetous – do not desire another man's house; do not desire his wife, his slaves, his cattle, his donkeys, or anything else that he owns. So all of them except the donkey part (thats just sick man) do constitute the foundation for which the premise of our morality, our laws, beliefs and most importantly our society is built. Hence the issue of what our society would look like with the knowledge that these commandments were nothing but man made. Would our world change?

I can't answer that question, but one thing is for sure, it sure is interesting isn't it; and wouldn't it be quite the experiment to see what would happen the day after ''Faith day''. Well don't count on that ever happening friends cause the ''establishment'' has about 150 billion riding on it not ever happening.

Robbie

YES I'M BACK

2009-03-13T18:54:00.017-04:00

Guess who's back, back again
Robbie's back, tell a friend
Guess who's back
Guess who's back
Guess who's back

I've created a monster, cuz nobody wants to
see Robbie no more they want Robbie I'm chopped liver
well if you want Robbie, this is what I'll give ya
a little bit of insanity mixed with honesty and controversy.

(thanks Eminem for the borrowed lyrics)

Well like many professional athletes i just couldn't resist the idea of retiring and then making a come back. (here is hoping it goes better then Brett Farve's).Although this silly blog requires no where near the talent of a professional athlete. So No, no i didn't get sick and win some epic battle with illness (unless of course your talking about coming back from attempted suicide but that was 5years ago) to return to glory. Nor did i have a big fight with my coach or the owner of the team and walk away. Well, an ongoing tough time with my Ex and a couple of broom riding psychos, your welcome Frankie and Edith (but that's another story all together and I'd rather let the police figure that one out). So no friends i didn't have any real epic reason to make a comeback other then i didn't leave on my terms. Plus i think to quantify as a comeback you have to be gone for more then a few weeks.

You see as many of you have followed along, my Blog was serving as a type of open book therapy. A way to cast out the Demons of the past and deal with some very real ones of the present. It was also a chance for me to honestly put out all my failures and F*&% ups. You see my goal was to take FULL responsibility for my actions and to try and remedy to the best of my ability all the bad things i have done. Unfortunately it turned out that once i started to publish the truth everything went to hell in a hand basket (and the basket was full of over sized eggs). You see my friends it isn't about the truth; it is more about what people want to believe, the delusions they wish to recount to themselves in their quietest moments to not have to deal. God forbid you should highlight any of their deficiencies in the process cause ''wooooooow hold the typing there bonehead'' don't underline or point out anything about us. Just tell us about all your bad deeds and will bury ourselves and our role in the shadow of your failures and that will suffice.

SOOOOOOOOOOOO! having recognized this you might notice that some of my blogs are missing; ''Demons, Gremlins and Real People'' is gone, ''Reality of Failure'' gone also. ''Ramblings with God'' will be back up soon both part 1 and 2 as well as the new part 3. What you won't be seeing anymore is articles about the past of my life. I'm only going to focus on the future and i want to tell you why.

My little girl wrote a comment ( she is not little anymore but i like to tell myself that it makes me feel less old). You see more then anything i cherish and love my children, more then i could ever describe or explain. And yes i have not always been the best Father, not always been the best role model, i have not always kept up with my financial responsibilities but i have always treated my children with love and respect. In my ''End of something about Nothing'' blog numerous people began writing comments on how they were disappointed about why i wasn't going to write anymore. Some got nasty and started to point the finger at my EX (my daughters mom) but you see my stopping writing didn't have anything to do with her. What i realized in reading my Daughters comment was the potential damage and heart ache she felt was or could be caused to her and her family. You see she has the biggest heart and she loves her mom and her brothers (something i like to take a very small amount of credit for) My daughter is the type of girl every Dad wants as a daughter. She is kind, caring, reflective, intelligent, strong and beautiful (she gets the beautiful part from me...ok ok from her mom). She exudes confidence and personality and she is proud. Proud of where (and who) she comes from. I recognized in reading her comment that she sees her past and what it has meant to her; how it has affected her, her mom and her brothers up to this point. But more importantly how it had NOT so far effected her or them but was beginning to based on my writings and how a few particular people were reacting and commenting as a result of my words. (yes you Edith and you Frankie).

My EX has done a wonderful job raising our children. While i was off concurring the world and building my mini fortune to provide a stable and generous life for my children and her. My Ex bore the brunt of the parenting responsibilities (in fact she still does to this day). I flew in for 3 or 4 days every month and did the, ''Dad is a great guy routine'' and then flew back again to destinations unknown. I recognize that my EX isn't perfect, she has her own demons to battle but i love her for what she was, what she is and what i hope one day she might be. Most importantly i love her as my children's mom. I am the one who destroyed what we had, not her. So you can appreciate that i could not and will not continue on with anything negative that might in some way shine a negative light in the eyes of my children. Yes i know some of you might say they deserve to know all of the story, that they deserve to see both sides. My feeling is they deserve that their dad should do everything to protect them. My mindset is this. My own mother tried and failed with me and my siblings to influence the ultimate relationship we had with our Dad. She paid (although she will tell you different, you read it in one of my blogs) a great price for how she tried to influence that relationship as today she is alone with none of her children around her. My point being that time passes, intelligence and inquiring minds develop and in the end everyone gets to judge for themselves with all the information laid out in front of them.

So my friends i am back, to talk to you about the future. Its going to be about being positive, about telling you that no matter how far you might have fallen that you can get up. That there are people who will always stand by you and help hold you up, lift you up and kick your ass forward. That those who have every reason to judge can sometimes show you the greatest forgiveness and understanding. That those who want can actually change anything they don't like about themselves. It isn't easy, its a trial and error escapade but its possible. I'm going to talk about those things and any or somethingaboutnothing that strikes my mind.

To everyone who has over the last little while kicked my ass forward. Thank you and this blogs future is dedicated to you. Enjoy the ride where going to have some fun. Robbie's back

Robbie

* NOSTAGIA, BACK TO THE PAST

2009-03-13T18:48:00.005-04:00

Why is it we yearn for the past? Why we often find ourselves caught far off, deep in our dreams in a place we once knew, in familiar surroundings...only to be brought back to reality. Do you ever get nostalgic? Find yourself deep in a day dream about the past? No, not the passing or fleeting thought back to your high school days but a deep, entranced longing for the days which in your mind were, ''the best days''.A rewinding to your life ''back then''(whenever that was).

For most people i talk to its generally a longing for the time around their late teens up to their early 20's (although some seem to be yearning for yesterday..as in literally yesterday). It seems to centre mainly around the end of their high school days and the first few years after that. A time for whatever reason that seems to stay frozen, encrusted, filed in a special compartment in our minds. A place we can go to, activate with the flick of a switch, a place where it was simpler, safer, within our control. Are the nostalgic memories of this time in some way a security against the non stop evolution and ticking of the clock? A tool used to defend against the inevitable, against the constant responsibilities we face or a safety net against the never ending complexities of the daily grind. I'm not sure what nostalgia means for you but for me, lately it has meant finding myself back in time trying to figure out how the then became the now. (and as lacking in logic as it sounds was or is there something about back then that i could do to change what is happening now).

For me the period of nostalgia and yearning goes back to cover from my 17th birthday up to my 21st birthday. I believe in more ways conceivable that at that time at that period i was king, king over my domain, it is just delusional but there is nothing wrong with being a legend in your own mind from time to time. Those years i was fortunate, i didn't go on to College right after high school. I took a ''break'' (it lasted a little longer then summer vacation). I remember with a clarity my final year of high school, my first job out of high school and the 4 most entertaining, scary, heart pounding, delirious years of my life. What is it about those times, regardless of which time was your nostalgic period that makes them so vivid, so alive, so easy to recapture? Is it because of the newness, the freedom we had, the lack of knowledge of just how bad it was ''out there''. Was it simply because it was ''our'' time. Does everyone have a ''their'' time? A moment when everything is as it should be or as we believe it is meant to be. Or are those moments defined now, frozen in our minds simply as a result of our current time environment, enhanced and molded to provide us with our own man/woman made fantasy Island. It's a perplexing question but it doesn't negate that regardless of who you are or where you come from you have a nostalgic period and you go back to it regularly.

In my case it doesn't take much to go warping back to those years, sometimes an idea, a present action, some words or a visual will send me tumbling head over my brain back to those days so i can hide from the present. But by far the main catalyst for a time warp back is music. Those years to which i retreat are from 1981 to 1985, they are years in music of the crazy 80's and man those tunes have a way of sucking me down nostalgia lane and not letting go like a kid on a ice cream cone. Its gotten so bad that i now try my best to not listen to any of that music (which proves rather hard as i have over 500, 80's tunes uploaded to my trusty IPOD). Think for one second if you will the means by which we had to listen to music back in those days; radio, vinyl, cassettes, TV (MTV and music videos were just getting off the ground),imagine if we had IPOD'S back then. Anyways i regress, back to the reality of my daydreams of the past.

Today I'm wondering if those desires and yearnings for the past in some way get in the way of my (our) future. I often find myself questioning if not letting go of the ''good'' of the past in some way dooms one to recognize only the ''bad'' of the present. Does fleets of nostalgia impede progress? Are we not always hoping to find some solutions to today's problems from our past? I think naturally the answer is yes, I'm not sure however that any answers are to be found there. My feeling is that the return to those times is more designed as a way to seek solace, a way to avoid or delay what we know we have to deal with. I'm of the mind set that our desire to be nostalgic is more centred in our need to believe that something better once existed, that what we experience now is harder then then. Everyone knows however that our trips back to ''greatville'' never focus on the hardships, the negative or the bad, those memories are left erased, buried, hidden. We only go back to experience the good, but in fairness there was in my case as i know in many others much more good then bad (yes i know not for everyone). That is why its easy to go back there.

So my position is this; keep going back there, keep thinking about the teacher you had a crush on, the first boy or girl you really fell for. Lunches in the cafeteria, the sports teams you played on. The house of your friend you hung out at, your getting drunk way to young, way to often. The first time you kissed someone with a passion. A time when being single was FUN! Your friends, the true friends. The innocents of not knowing what true danger was. Keep going back to remember your favourite song, that special dance ''stairway to heaven'' your hands on him or her, your faces touching, hearing them breath, pushed against them, being so excited you thought you would be sick. Your first car, your first big trip on your own driving in your car going nowhere, the windows down, the radio blasting out your favourite tunes. Your first real job. The first time you knew you were going to be alright. Friday and Saturday nights. The first time you picked up a pay cheque and had nothing to do with it other then spend it (on yourself). Your first apartment, your first special dinner there. Go back to the holidays, the snow storms, the birthdays, the bars, the movies, the music, the food, doing what you wanted just you and your friends.

Relax tonight and go back to that ''past'' the power of it all. A time when you were truly YOU, the place where we believed in something and worked for ''US''. A time we felt in control even if it was only an illusion, only because we didn't know any better. A time where it seemed like anything was possible and it truly was, that no wall, no barrier or NO ONE was going to stop us from getting what we wanted. Go back to those times where we ruled the night, where the world was ours and nothing but nothing laid in the balance. Go back to those ''good'' moments my friends because time is flying and were not getting younger. The present is more complex, less forgiving, filled with trauma, responsibilities and no ways back.... if that's not an incentive then this certainly is; there is plenty of reality waiting for you when you get back....

and my friends if you have problems finding your nostalgia lane, let me know...I'll lend you my IPOD

Robbie

* POSITIVE ENERGY, THE LAW OF ATTRACTION

2009-03-13T18:40:00.005-04:00

So the other night i get into a discussion on how we interact with others and how the energy we give off either attracts or repels things which happen to us. Now my discussion was with a special friend, we have known each other since 1985 so we have some significant history. (we knew each other when we knew very little). She is a person i respect and admire enormously and is in the process of studying hard to become a type of Dr. (no not a Vodoo Dr.). I'll call her Dr.V. (now don't get your perverted minds all in a tissy). Although my mind does got there sometimes in her regard.

Dr.V. feels that each of us either consciously or subconsciously gives off a certain positive or negative energy and that this energy often determines how well or how poorly our lives go. She also believes that that same energy brings to you what you project, simple enough right? You project positive energy you attract positive results, (health, relationships, work, friends etc..) you project negative you get negative results (bad health, bad relationships, bad jobs, bad friends, etc..). That same energy in fact attracts everything that happens to you. Its based on a more modern consensus among New Thought thinkers that the Law of Attraction says people's thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) dictate the reality of their lives, whether or not they're aware of it. Essentially "if you really want something and truly believe it's possible, you'll get it", but putting a lot of attention and thought onto something you don't want means you'll probably get that too''. You following me so far? I'm trying to keep this simple and given my level of intellect that shouldn't be to hard. So if your a positive person giving off positive energy your going to have allot of good things and good people around you, on the other hand if you give off negative energy your going to have allot of bad things happen and bad people around you. Sounds fair no? Dr. V. also believes that if bad things are happening to you or bad people are around you but you consider yourself positive its because your subconsciously giving off negative energy. So that would have to apply to a Negative person who is surrounded by positive people it means their giving off subconscious positive energy. Huummm not sure i follow!

Well thats where i got lost. See i have this theory (almost as big as the big bang theory itself). You ready for it? Its going to change everything. Ok here goes...get ready to be awe struck..to be blown away by this amazing theory. You ready? Your sure? Ok here it is; It DOESN'T make A SINGLE bit of difference what kind of energy you give off or how positive your thoughts are, if your going to get hit by a falling frozen turd dropped onto your house in Dorval from a landing 747 from India its going to happen...it doesn't make a monkey crap (well in this case human crap) of difference if your the most positive or negative person in the world. That piece of crap is still going to come through your roof and land squarely on you destroying you and that coffee table you made in high school wood working class in 1981 not to mention that sofa from IKEA. Now if Dr. V. was here she would be protesting, defending the 50-50 theory (that theory goes, your only able to control 50% of anything that happens to you at any given time)Dr. V. might say its the other 50% she is talking about and thats the important part.

Well i would agree that their is absolutely nothing wrong with being positive. Nothing wrong with projecting that type of energy to the world and those around you. I mean honestly isn't it much easier then being around someone who is always negative. (unless of course you have one of those overly positive friends who is insatiably positive and goes home every night and sips out of a bottle hidden under the sink) But here again i will offer this. How many totally positive people do you know who have suffered serious issues. Health, family, work, etc.. i mean really positive people you know who have had really bad things happen to them. I know a few myself and i can tell you i often find myself saying these few famous words, ''how come it always happens to the good people and not the rotten ones''. Now being a rotten person myself i can tell you that bad things certainly do happen to us also...but it occurs to me that no where near the volume it seems to happen to positive or (good) people. Now again Dr. V. might refer me back to the subconscious energy we project...you know the energy your not even aware of. Well my position is simple. How the heck can you have a subconscious energy when most of us have trouble recognizing the conscious one were supposed to have.

Now if we take this to a purely scientific discussion (which would be impossible for a numb-nut like me) the following would have to apply. In physics, positive energy attract negative energy not vice versa. Two magnets pushed against each other with the same pole will repel not attract. Since many of the claims of the law of positive energy (attraction) appear impossible without violating established scientific principles and our understanding of the universe, it has received criticism from the scientific community. Physicist Ali Alousi, for instance, criticized it as unmeasurable (and therefore unscientific) as well as questioning the likelihood that thoughts can affect anything outside the head. The Associated Press is also quoted as saying that "some medical professionals suggest it could even lead to a blame-the-victim mentality and actually be dangerous to those suffering from serious illness or mental disorders" Many modern proponents say that the Law of Attraction has roots in Quantum Physics.According to proponents of this law, thoughts have an energy which attracts whatever it is the person is thinking of. In order to control this energy to one's advantage, proponents state that people must practice four things:

1. Know what you want.
2. Ask the universe for it.
3. Feel, behave and know as if the object of your desire is on its way.
4. Be open to receive it and let go of (the attachment) the outcome.

Thinking of what one does not have, they say, manifests itself in not having, while if one abides by these principles, and avoids "negative" thoughts, the universe will manifest a person's desires.

Ok so Dr. V. is not out there proposing some far fetched notion. There are some basic scientific support for the notion of Positive energy. However the evidence remains sporadic and the support for the idea garnished at best. I will go on the record and say that positive is much better then negative though...

...however, I have applied all 4 items of the above frequently along with many of thousands of dollars and years to many to count that i'm going to win the Lottery, especially that 50 million last week. But guess what friends...i'm still sitting here writing this poor ass excuse for a blog while at the same time being positive...doesn't that suck...ooopssss....positive, positive, think positive Rob 02,06,14,27,42,43 Geez!

Thanks Dr. V. but i think i'll stay the ever optimistically positive me with the knowledge that i control not even the famous 50%. I did certainly enjoy our discussion though and i'll keep playing the loto just the same.

Robbie

* MINDLESS MENACE OF VIOLENCE

2009-03-13T18:37:00.004-04:00

Parts of a speech given by Robert Kennedy on April 05, 1968 the day after MLK's Death

This is a time of shame and sorrow. It is not a day for politics. I have saved this one opportunity, my only event of today, to speak briefly to you about the mindless menace of violence in America which again stains our land and every one of our It is not the concern of any one race. The victims of the violence are black and white, rich and poor, young and old, famous and unknown. They are, most important of all, human beings whom other human beings loved and needed. No one - no matter where he lives or what he does - can be certain who will suffer from some senseless act of bloodshed. And yet it goes on and on and on in this country of ours. Why? What has violence ever accomplished? What has it ever created? No martyr's cause has ever been stilled by an assassin's bullet. No wrongs have ever been righted by riots and civil disorders. A sniper is only a coward, not a hero; and an uncontrolled, uncontrollable mob is only the voice of madness, not the voice of reason. Whenever any American's life is taken by another American unnecessarily - whether it is done in the name of the law or in the defiance of the law, by one man or a gang, in cold blood or in passion, in an attack of violence or in response to violence - whenever we tear at the fabric of the life which another man has painfully and clumsily woven for himself and his children, the whole nation is degraded Yet we seemingly tolerate a rising level of violence that ignores our common humanity and our claims to civilization alike. We calmly accept newspaper reports of civilian slaughter in far-off lands. We glorify killing on movie and television screens and call it entertainment. We make it easy for men of all shades of sanity to acquire whatever weapons and ammunition they desire. Too often we honor swagger and bluster and wielders of force; too often we excuse those who are willing to build their own lives on the shattered dreams of others. Some Americans who preach non-violence abroad fail to practice it here at home. Some who accuse others of inciting riots have by their own conduct invited them. Some look for scapegoats, others look for conspiracies, but this much is clear: violence breeds violence, repression brings retaliation, and only a cleansing of our whole society can remove this sickness from our soul.

Those words spoken with sorrow, with the goal of awakening the spirit of men and women have so solemnly faded into history like tears in the train. Today not so unlike the Day after April 4 1968 we find ourselves continually faced with the mindless menace of violence. Somewhere between the day of RFK’s speech (05-04-1968) and today some 41 years later not very much has changed. Yes racial tolerance and acceptance has progressed leaps and bounds. A new Black President was inaugurated only 3 weeks ago, yet we remain to this day a society transfixed and strangled by violence. Somewhere between those ideas and his words, the realization that change towards our fellow man was required we continued just the same to push forward an agenda of violence without consciousness, without relent, with an unmeasurable madness.

Today we are ever more bombarded by the images of war, the acts of terror, the unrelenting images of man mad violence and horror on our TV’s and on the silver screen. Yet no where do we see the outcry to stop the insanity, unless of course you speak of the protests against war and the demand for peace. Yet everywhere else the violence continues and we turn our heads and shun any responsibility. The inner cities, our main streets and our towns are overrun by violence related to drugs, gangs, and gratuitous acts. Who is exactly responsible? Is it those who chose war over peace, bullets over dialogue, hatred over love? Or is it simply us. Yes you and me. Your friends, your family, your community.

Should we blame colour, religion, social classes? Is it fair to point the figure towards one group and claim they are to blame. That we know their values are the ones that create the violence. Most of us know that it is not anywhere that simple. The problem and its depths burrough further then anyone wants or is willing to admit…the problem is in every one of us! Not just in us but part of our fabric. Is it fair to believe that when one speaks out against gratuitous violence or war, or hatred, or racism that they are weak? That perhaps they seek censorship, repression of our control of content. That they wish to take out of the hands of the individual the capacity to decide what they watch, what they see. To dictate what they believe in or value. If one values a future for their children and grandchildren and future generations does that make them right wing or left wing, liberal or conservative? Is it possible to not be guided by any religious or political principals? Is it not righteous anymore to speak in defence of ideology if convinced that it is what’s right? That there is something more at stake.

Is it fair to label as cowards those who do not wish to fight, engage in hatred or do not wish to participate in the voyeurism of violence. We have reached a point where denial no longer justifies the excuse of inaction. Information and technology floods our environment 24-7 without relent. We are as our children are bombarded through the internet, TV, movies, music and newspapers with continual violence. We see it everyday, everywhere. Our children see and experience it everyday. We rent and go to see films that add no value what so ever to our existence. We have become immune to its effects, we have become so numb to it all that we fail in many cases to even recognize it in our mists. We watch with an almost pornographic amazement and profound detachment the daily violence which occurs throughout our world. We then write it off to someone else’s problem, to somewhere else in the world. Even when it occurs right in our own back yard we tell ourselves its isolated and a blip, nothing to worry about…a few days or weeks later we repeat to ourselves the same thing to ease any responsibility to act. We tell ourselves and those who speak out that they can just not watch, they can turn it off, they can chose not to see…that is like saying a blind person should ‘’JUST’’ be able to see…it makes absolutely no sense! Because one ignores it does it make it not there? Does it make it any less real? Or have we developed this mechanism as a way to feel safe, to feel like we in some small way still have some control over the outcome.

So you might be asking what are you advocating Rob? What are you suggesting? What are you proposing? Your some kind of peace activist or censor mongrel aren’t you? Well in fact I’m not, actually I believe in war when the cause is just, I believe in fighting for those who cannot, in defending against tyrants who would take and take at the cost of the innocent. In fact I’m not proposing anything. I’m simply stating the obvious. We need to get involved, we need to denounce the violence in whatever form it manifest itself. Wherever it manifest itself. Regardless of if it is violence against women and children, ethnic violence, religious violence or a war without foundation we need to denounce it. To stand up and speak out, to say words. Its as easy as writing something, as saying ‘’NO’’ next time your kids want to watch the newest version of ‘’My Bloody Valentine’’. It’s as easy as writing to your local politician next time some guy gets 2 years less a day, less good behaviour for savagely beating his wife, girlfriend or child. Its as easy as standing up and protesting against un-just wars (there are actually just wars, Afghanistan being an example). Getting involved isn’t difficult, bringing change is another thing all together. But if your not going to start, who is? If it doesn’t matter to you, then who?

So where are we going? Are things going to fix themselves? No but don’t worry its not our problem its someone else’s. It was on April 4, 1968 and it still is 41 years later on February 10, 2009 so our children will inherit our inaction, our tolerance and our complacency…and that my friends is sad.

Robbie

* For my Dad

2009-01-30T22:49:00.009-05:00

In April of 2001 i was sitting in my office in Calgary, Alberta when my Admin Assistant Brooke came into my office trembling and pale. Immediately i knew something was wrong, she looked at me and said ‘’your wife is on the phone and you need to take the call right away’’ I picked up the phone and said, ‘’whats wrong?’’ with that came a blurred incomprehensible cry of, ‘’dad is dead, dad is dead’’ At first i thought i was hearing the anguished cries of my wife who had only 3 moths earlier lost her mom. I was immediately convinced that that April Afternoon the day of her moms birthday that her own Father had ended his life unable to go on after losing his partner of over 35 years. As i sat there bewildered and lost for words i kept hearing, ‘’your dad, your dad...Robbie he’s died’’. I’m sure it took me at least 4 or 5 minutes to finally make sense of what she was saying. I realized then that she was actually talking about my Dad not her own Dad...my Dad had died on your moms birthday?

The information did not compute, i had just visited my dad 3 weeks earlier with my children at his and my step-mothers (Pam) home in Ontario. He had just a week prior undergone a full stress test and had passed with flying colors...what was going on..how was this possible...it didn’t make sense...my Dad was 59 for God sakes; had been retired for 10 years..lived a quiet happy life on his hobby farm with his two labradors and his wife...not my Dad...it couldn’t be.

I remember finally saying something like, ‘’i’m on the way’’. I hung up, Brooke who never moved from the office door entrance had tears streaming down her face...i looked at her and said, ‘’please find me a flight to Montreal right away’’ i then picked up the phone and called my Sister Dawn in Norway..it was late, i said something like ‘’get a ticket and come home, Dad is gone’’. I don’t even recall what she said in response. The rest is a blur, the drive to the airport, i don’t even remember going there...in fact i couldn’t find my car when i eventually returned after my Dad’s funeral. At the check in line for the flight i got into a heated discussion with some pompous ass who was in more of a rush then the rest of the people waiting, he cut to the front of the line and i remember telling the bastard that if he thought he was in a rush it was nothing compared to me..my dad had just died and i was trying to make sure i didn’t miss the plane. For the rest of my life i will never forget what he said, ’’thats to bad for you but i really don’t give a shit’’ well obviously with that i went off the deep end and went after him. The check in guys (yeah there were two guys checking in the passengers that day) jumped up and started to pull me off the guy along with some other waiting passengers as i was simply going to kill him. I don’t remember much else of the incident. Its funny to this day i wished i could find that SOB again so i could stick my foot up his ass. I wonder if he ever considers his words that day? I doubt it! The rest of that afternoon is lost, the flight, the arrival at the airport i don’t remember any of it.

My father in law (Owen) the one who i had thought only 5 hours before had taken his own life met me at the Airport. I don’t remember any of the 1 hour drive home north of Montreal or much about that evening other then seeing my wife’s face and feeling completely and utterly powerless. The next morning i drove the 1 and a half hours to my Dad and Step Mom’s (Pam) house. Everything else from that point forward is just pieces of time, my devastated step mom, my step sisters Chris and Jen, my Brother arriving, picking up my sister at the airport, the funeral arrangements, Pam’s family being so supportive, the vist with my Dads Doctor to try and make sense of his death, the funeral itself, getting up and speaking about my Dad, the wake, i remember only snippets of it.

So today almost 8 years later after having watched my life literally disintegrate in front of my eyes i have found the words i wanted to say to my Dad to let him know that there is alot i wanted to tell him, then and now. I started work on this 2 years after he passed away, ever since i have kept it not far believing some day that i would bring it all together and formulate it, find a way to make it make sense. Recently i have come to the conclusion that there was no right way, no perfect way, but simply that it had to be finished, for my dad but in many ways for me. A way to perhaps say goodbye for real, away to make myself move forward.

To all my friends who are still fortunate to have your Dad’s in your lives perhaps think of the things you might say. Its always hard, its taken me 8 years, but you’ll never get the second chance cause once its done its done and their is an emptiness, a sadness, a regret which eats away at you, fills your dreams and creates a void that can never be filled. Learn from my mistake.

Dad,

I’m sorry, really truly sorry that i didn’t know that you were going to die the way you did, suddenly, i would have told you so many things before you went away, i want to say those things i should have said before and also some things that have happened since almost 8 years have passed;

* You were a good dad, i know you struggled alot with your own demons for some time and i know you paid an incredible price for some of your mistakes but you stood up and made yourself a better man and i know that almost every day you had to work hard to keep those demons at bay. It is from your courage that i have also tried to rise above the demons.

* I know now as i knew when i was 13 that you married a crazy woman. The woman who would make it almost impossible for you, my brother, my sister and me to have any kind of normal life.

* I know you considered yourself equally responsible for the collapse of your marriage and the impact and end results it had on your children. You might have been 50% responsible but thats it Dad just 50% no more so you can let that go wherever you are. Also thank you for teaching me not to hate. I saw many opportunities for you to have gone that route but you always chose the high road.

* I’m also sorry Dad if i did or said bad things to you when you first got divorced, i’m sorry if i didn’t realize how hard it was. Between 11 and 13 it was hard for me to figure it all out. Being divorced now myself i know what it must have been like for you. I also know that i was at times brainwashed by a mother who felt it was ok to try and turn her children against their father. I want you to know i’m sorry about anything i might have said or done during those years.

*I’m affraid now Dad that i am losing ground with my own children, that they perhaps see me in a light not to flattering, that they don’t understand the things i didn’t understand at their age. That i might lose them and not be able to be a good Father. It makes me sad.

* I know that you hated living in that 1 and a half room basement apartment in Lasalle when you first divorced, i know that you couldn’t afford anything more and i know that all those trips to walk around the mall with me and Davin on your weekends was to burn time because you didn’t have any money to do anything else. Its ok Dad i know the feeling now.

* I want you to know that i often lied to my friends in High School making up stories about what we did on those weekends...many of them had great stories about what they did with their families and i didn’t want to seem different. Sorry i lied sometimes.

*I know that those sunday nights when it was your weekend and we went to Harveys before you took us home and you paid mainly with spare change that that meant you didn’t have any money left for yourself until your next pay day.

* Dad thanks for giving me everything you could when you had nothing...but mainly you gave me so much that was important and had nothing to do with money...it took me a long time to understand your love and i’m sorry i never got to tell you how much i loved you and appreciated everything you did for me and Dawn and Davin.

*Dad I’ll always remember the Saturday nights when we were still a family, Davin and I used to get our PJ’s, our winter boots and coat and pile into the Charger to go down to the corner store to get our pack of Hockey cards before the Saturday night game. The glass of coke and the chips we got to eat as we sat at your feet watching the Canadiens play. I’d give anything to be 9 years old again.

*Over all the years I so much loved watching hockey with you, talking hockey with you, i remember the Wayne Gretzky poster you had of him. I know wherever you are you got to see me with him when i organized and hosted his charity event in Calgary i hope it made you happy to see your son with the athlete you most idolized.

* Those summers together at Grandma and Grandpa’s country house in Maple Grove were the best days of my life. I remember waiting up for you to get home late Friday nights after work so we could spend the weekend together. I remember the fishing and swimming trips, the boating and campfires. I remember the way you looked on those cool summer mornings as we headed out to go fishing...you sitting at the back of the boat with a cigarette in your mouth steering the boat to some destination only known to you, your dark hair blowing in the wind your eyes fixed on the horizon, just happy to be in your boat with your sons. I loved being in that boat with you Dad, no matter how rough the water got or how bad the weather was i always felt safe with you, i always knew you wouldn’t let anything bad happen.

*Dad you really looked ridiculous in your speedo when we went swimming...i was embarrassed ok.

*Dad i’m sorry i used to get mad at you inside when i saw you eyeing women 10 years younger then you, i hope my boys don’t harbour bad feelings towards me for doing exactly the same...i know now what you were looking at.

*I’m sorry for making you lose that really big fish that day when i was steering the boat and that huge fish kept jumping out of the water. That fish was huge Dad and i know i messed up. I’m really sorry.

*I once took 50 cents off your bureau at the country house cause i wanted to buy a popsicle for that girl Diane, she was really pretty and i wanted to impress her...i was 13, you know how that goes.

*I also want you to know that 4 years later i fooled around (if you can call it that when your 17) with that same girl in your bed at the country house while you were gone fishing. That popsicle paid off.

*Thanks for teaching me how to drive in those different cars on the country road in Maple Grove.

*Thanks for telling me and teaching me to never hit a woman.

*Dad i wish you had never introduced me to your porno mag collection, (by introducing i mean not finding a better place to hide them then in your closet on the floor) at 14 i was way to impressionable and i don’t think that was what they meant about the birds and bees convo between Father and Son but i figured it out ok. After all i do have 5 children...wait maybe on second thought you SHOULD have had that conversation with me...but its all good Dad i wouldn’t change a thing.

* I’m not mad at you for forgetting to pick me up that one night and leaving me all alone in the house. I was 10 and i was scared but i know you didn’t do it on purpose. I cried myself to sleep on the stairs-landing with all the lights on in the house. I was such a chicken.

*Dad i was always scared of the dark, in fact i was scared of just about everything, up until i was about 15 i was always scared. I think you already knew that but your the one who taught me how not to be scared, how to stand up and be strong. Thank you Dad.

*I want to admit to you that at 43 i’m still scared, i’ve been really scared since you left 8 years ago. Up until that time i always had you to talk to, i knew i could count on you, that you would guide me in the right direction, give me some small indication on which way to go or how to handle a problem. Its funny how you never understand any of what i just mentioned until you go to pick up the phone and realize that the person isn’t there anymore. I wish you were still here.

*Dad you were lucky to find Pam a woman who loved you with all her heart. I know she loved you very much. I also know that Jen and Chris considered you their Dad, they loved you very much and i know you loved them.

*Dad we haven’t done a very good job keeping the whole family together, you were the one who was the glue, you kept us all together but since you’ve gone we haven’t done what we should to stay together as a family i know this would disappoint you.

*Dad i want you to know that Owen became like a second dad to me, he treated me like his son, he took care of me and he filled a small part of the void you left. He was a seragate Dad and i ended up disappointing him like so many others who tried to love me.

*After you died i tried to reconcile with my mother, as you know 20 years went by and i never spoke with her. I thought maybe time would have changed her, that we could repair what had been broken, but i realized quickly that i couldn’t fix what was broken inside her and that time moved but she didn’t. Trying to go back was one of the biggest mistakes of the last 8 years. I hope you didn’t think i was a fool and that you understood what i was trying to do.

* Pam helped me alot Dad, i turned to her for help and she was always there, but like many things in my life i let her down and disappointed her. I'm very sorry for that.

* I know you know Ruth passed away last summer, i went to her funeral, the whole family was very very sad. She was a great lady and i know you loved her a great deal. I hope your together somewhere smiling, laughing and watching over your families.

* Hanging on the kids wall at the their house is the picture of you when you took them all for rides in your wagon attached to the back of your tractor. Dad you should see the size of the children now. Their incerdible, their healthy, smart and they have big hearts. That little girl who had just turned 9 when you passed away is now this grand 5 foot 9 Blonde with a newly aquired drivers permit. the 3 Boys are passing their Dad in height really really fast, the two oldest look alot like me and the youngest looks alot like his mom. The two yougest boys remember only parts of you, especially christmas times at your and Pams house. The two eldest have fond memories about the time they got to spend with you. Every day it makes me sad to not have you in their lives, you would have been such a positive influence. Their mom has done an incredible job with them and i have between my career and my pitfalls done the best i can. They are truly beautiful.

* Jen and Chris have some beautiful children and their growing fast, but i guess you can probably see that from wherever you are. It makes me sad to think you never got to meet all of them or my 4th son. Thats the hard part, its no so much that ''you'' miss it, Its that ''we'' miss it because we all knew what a great ''grandpa'' you were.

* Dawn and Davin are doing good i think. In fact you probably know better then me, as i mentioned we haven't done a great job staying together as a family. Both Dawn and Davin took on the demons of our mother long before i ever even attempted too. They both survived and excelled in their own ways and alot of that would be credited to you. You should see the size of Dawn's children..they are so big. I know they both think of you and miss you as much as i do.

*I want you to know that since you’ve been gone my life has been a pretty big disaster. In January of 2001 i lost my Mother in Law, 3 months later you, September 11th changed so much in my world even though i didn’t know anyone directly. Having spent the better part of the previous 5 years traveling on airplanes all the time i wondered what i would have done had I been on one of those planes, if i would have had the courage, the guts to take action, I like to tell myself yes but in the quietest moments i’m not at all sure.

*I’m glad you got to see some of my greatest accomplishments professionally and personally but i know from somewhere far away you have watched and you must be ashamed of your son for the things i have done the last 8 years. I lied to hide the truth, i cheated, i did things i never thought i would or could do. I hurt Heidi, I lost my family, everything i had. I don’t want to offer any excuses for the things i have done i only want you to know that its been hard, that its been a mess, that i tried to keep it together but haven’t done a very admirable job. I feel weak, disgusted with myself, i want to blame someone for what I have made of my life, but a mirror only reflects reality and the face looking back can not deny the face looking in. I’m sorry if i made you ashamed. I want you to know that i think i now have it turned around and if i have its in large part due to you.

Finally Dad i want to say goodbye, a real goodbye, the one i should have given you at your funeral but didn’t know how. I miss you so much, i miss talking to you, to hearing you laugh, watching your face light up as you saw your grandchildren. Thank you Dad for being a rock, for being human, for making mistakes i could learn from, for making me understand that everyone desreves alot of chances to get it right. Thanks for loving me even when i probably didn’t deserve to be loved, thanks for not judging me, for not trying to live your life through me, thanks for standing outside in the middle of winter in that oversized parka from Air Canada to make our backyard rink, thanks for getting up early all the time and taking me to soccer, hockey and whatever sport i was playing; for freezing your ass off or for getting rained on, for making time when you had no time. Thanks for always treating the girls i dated with respect and kindness, thanks for treating my first wife with love, dignity and respect. Thanks for putting up with mine, Dawn and Davin’s nonsense i know it must have seemed endless at times. Thanks for making it to a place where you were happy, a place with Pam and your dogs, a place where you could have had way more years but were deprived of that chance. Thanks for showing me that that kind of happiness is possible.Thanks for loving my children, thank you for creating for them some great memories. Thanks for building that huge train city on top of your out building and for letting me and the kids play train conductor every time we came to visit, thanks for letting me be a kid even though i was a grown man. Finally Dad, thank you for being my Dad there is no one i would rather have had. I love you. Goodbye Dad.