HOW ARE YOU

How are you? A question asked to us and by us, numerous times a day, almost every day. A question we ask our family members, our loved ones, our co-workers and often the first three words after hello that we ask when meeting a new acquaintance. What do those three words really mean? Do they have any value in a society now driven and primarily controlled by technology? Do you genuinely care when you ask the question? Is it really of much interest to you what the person replies back or what you reply when asked? After all, the general response is, ''fine, thank you''. Followed by them asking the same question of you and you responding the same way. On occasion ( especially those close to us) you might here in response to that question, '' like crap'', ''not so good'', ''been better'', ''not feeling well''. Do those responses garnish any more inquiry on your part? Or do you just generally say, '' that's to bad'', '' that sucks'' or '' well hope you feel better''. What if the person who answered you that, has no idea what to do to feel better?

He gets up every morning, it is a struggle. A battle to lift his legs over the edge of the bed and place his feet on the ground. He pauses there for a long time trying to figure out the right thing to tell himself to propel him upwards and forwards. When he finally does, he feels like his body is covered in molasses. Like his feet are stuck in quick sand. He stands in front of the bathroom mirror but he cannot see himself. He only sees a blank face staring back, like looking at a department store mannequin. He gets dressed, he cannot even remember what he wore the day before, he does not care. Downstairs he finds his family around the breakfast table. They are happy to see him. He does not know what he is when he sees them. They make small talk, he struggle to feel normal, to feel like he belongs. He tries to care about what they are saying but he is lost. The space he occupies feels like being in a row boat on the ocean. The seas are brutally rough and he feels like he is just clinging on for dear life. He gets in his car. It takes him 5 minutes before he turns the key. He sits in his garage with the door closed and wonders how long it would take for the carbon monoxide to put him to sleep if he just left the car running with the garage door down. Finally he opens the door and looks down the driveway but wonders which way he should turn this morning. As he drives he sees trees, he thinks about hanging himself. He sees those giant billboards towering high in the sky and wonders if they lock the ladders to the top of them. He thinks of throwing himself off of one. He passes a large semi trailer truck and wonders if his cars air bags would stop him from being killed is he turned the wheels into the front of the oncoming truck. He makes it to work. He goes into the office. A co-workers asks, ''hey how are you today''? He responds, '' not so good'' the co worker states, '' thats to bad'' This man could be your grandfather, father, husband, brother, uncle, friend, your co-worker. Today he might not make it home.

She looks at herself in the mirror and feels fat. She feels ugly, disgusting, disproportionate. She is 5ft 6 inches tall and weighs 100 pounds. She is starving herself to death. She loves food, or hates food, she is no longer sure. She glances over at the Cosmo magazine on the bathroom toilet seat. She sees a model flaunting the latest sexy lingerie. She wants to be that. She wants to be her. She wants to look like her. She kneels down in front of the toilet, puts the magazine on the floor, lifts the seat and sticks her fingers down her throat till she has emptied her morning breakfast before it even had a chance to get to its intended destination. She wipes her face, she brushes her teeth, she fills her mouth with Listerine till she cannot take another drop. She holds it in her mouth, she feels like her gums are on fire. Finally she convinces herself to expel it from her mouth. She goes into her closet, everything she tries on is to small, to small because she believes her body is to fat. Nothing fits the way it is supposed to. Nothing makes her look like those models she saw last week in the mall fashion show. She tears up a shirt she bought only two weeks ago. Her friends tell her she looks great, that they wish they could be slim like her. That they could be a size zero too. She takes no joy in their comments, she feels fat. She knows what she has to do. She has to keep getting smaller. It is the only way she can feel whole. Her friends meet her for lunch, they ask her, ''how are you doing'' she responds, '' I feel gross today'', they respond, '' yell you look fantastic''. She orders a salad, no dressing, and a glass of water. It does not matter though she has already spied the restaurant washroom and knows exactly where she will be going right after lunch. This woman could be your grandmother, mother, wife, sister, aunt, friend, or your co-worker. Sooner then later she is going to wilt away.

He could run like the wind. He was fast, no not fast; he was lightning. He knew he was headed for the big time. An athlete every major school wanted on their team. He craved the attention, he loved the spot light he wanted everyone to know his name. The pills helped him do that, they made him stronger, faster, smarter. He cannot remember when he first started taking them. He only remembers that he was slower then. He did not perform as well. Now he cannot live without them. They are his crutch,  a trampoline, they are his ticket to stardom. He will not relinquish them. He cannot remember the last time he had fun. The last time he savoured victory with a clear conscious and a true heart. He does not even know who he is. Everyone tells him he is great, the best, awesome, incredible, he does not know anything else. He does not know who he is. He will keep taking the pills, his mind and body need them. His family needs for him to succeed, to go on to better things, to improve everyones quality of life. The whole thing is riding on his shoulders. He cannot fail, he will not fail. He sits in the locker room alone. He has already been there practicing an hour before the scheduled practice. He goes into the bathroom stall, he pulls out his sandwich bag. He takes 4 different pills and drops them one by one into his mouth. He hears some of his team mates arriving for practice he stuffs the bag into his track pants. As he enters the locker room a team mate yells, ''Hey how are you?'' he responds, ''I've been better''. The team mate responds, ''hey, man up buddy'' This boy could be your son, brother,  nephew, Grandson, friend, or your class mate. Those pills will eventually destroy his mind and his life.

She wants to be part of the crowd. She wants so much to belong. She is being tormented. she has been bullied since 3rd grade. When she first got glasses. It has never stopped since. She has been bullied at school, on the way home, in the bus, by e-mail, and social web sites. She has no place of refuge. She know only fear and despair. There is no sanctuary, no place to hide. She feels exposed, all the time. She wants to be part of the group, she wants them to accept her. She has no idea how. Her mind tells her to do and act one way and her heart another. She struggle to find stability. Know one around her knows what she is going through. The school officials are all to busy patting themselves on the back for their bullying work shops and flyer's to even remotely care about her. She has convinced herself Her parents would not understand if she tried to explain it. She is intelligent, she is pretty, she is athletic. No one would understand how see wants out, how she believes the only way to save herself is to end herself. She wants help but know one understands that she does not know how to ask for it. The teacher in drama class sees the girl in class and asks, '' how are you doing today'' the girl responds, '' a little lost'' the teacher responds ''  maybe you need a map'' This girl could be your daughter, your sister, your niece, your friend, your co-worker or class mate. Soon she might decide that the end is better then a new beginning.

All of these individuals are victims of mental illness. Sometimes that illness manifest itself for unknown reasons. Other times it it brought on by drugs, bullying, post traumatic stress, or the social environment the person finds them self. It can be caused by many other factors. It is clear that no matter how far we have advanced the stigma of mental illness still keeps hundreds of thousands of sufferers in the shadows. It is ironic that no one questions the cancer patient who smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day, or the heart disease patient who drinks and eats way to much of all of what is not good for you. Yet if someone has a mental illness perhaps brought on by drugs, or bullying or any other factor, many in our society judge them and take out their righteousness on them. Often you will hear them called weak, feeble, fakers. That they lack character or the ability to face the world. That the illness is all their fault. Well people it is not their faults. These are human beings who play a large factor in numerous people lives and contribute enormously to our society. They are victims of an illness. No different then any other illness you go to your doctor or local emergency room to have treated.

Mental illness deprives all of society of talent. It deprives it of individuals who could make a difference, who could make the world a better place. In Canada alone it is estimated that there were over 3,700 people aged 15 to 90 who committed suicide in 2011 ( Stats Canada). This number has remained static or unchanged since 2007. There is no telling how many of these suicides are directly attributable to mental illness. However it is safe to say the vast majority. This number does not count accidental overdoses of drugs, eating disorders or other events not directly attributed to mental illness but should be. The bottom line is this. The only way to stop mental illness from claiming those we care about and love is to make it socially acceptable to acknowledge that it is a problem that anyone can suffer from. That it can affect anyone. Don' t think so. Think again. I myself am speaking from first hand experience when I say anyone can become mentally distressed or ill. It is not a crime, it is not shameful. it does not make the person weak or any other stigma some people try to attach to it. These illnesses can in general be treated, the same way we treat all other serious diseases. People who suffer from mental illness and do get help, almost always end up getting better. Allowing them to continue to be active and important members of our society. These individuals want nothing more then to see the light, to find their way out. They simply need help getting there. No one needs to be lost to this disease. We can fix it.

This week is mental health awareness week in Canada. So next time someone asks you,'' how you are'' do not be afraid to tell them the truth. If you ask someone, ''how they are'' and you get a response like one of the ones in this article; perhaps take 5 minutes out of your busy day to ask more questions and get more information. You might possibly be the difference in that person making it to the next day, week, month or year. The 5 minutes of listening could be worth 50 years of life.........think about it.

Québec mental health hotline 1-866-277-3553
Ontario mental health hotline 1-866-531-2600
Alberta mental health hotline 1-877-303-2642
British Columbia mental health hotline 1-800-661-2121
New Brunswick mental health hotline 1-800-667-5005
Nova Scotia mental health hotline 1-877-521-1188
All other province numbers can be found on the Internet by typing ''Mental health hotline ( province name)'' into any search engine

KANGAROO JOURNALISM

You have heard of a "Kangaroo court". Well welcome to Kangaroo journalism, Quebec style. Or more appropriately TVA and Quebecor style. Last week a tragic fire occurred in a home for seniors in a small community on the south shore of the St Lawrence River (L'Iles Verte). The fire broke out after midnight and as the morning light rose it became apparent that numerous of the 50 or so residents were un-accounted for. As the day progressed it became more and more painfully clear that authorities could not locate 32 residents. This story is a tragedy. A loss of life almost to large to grasp. That unto itself should have been the story. It was not.

You see in their infinite wisdom someone at TVA (LCN), Quebecor decided that it was their duty to send their investigative report team from a show it broadcast weekly (called J.E.) to undertake their own investigation of what started the fire. This investigation started not 24 hours after the tragedy began. The provincial police, fire services and civil security services were all on site working diligently to find the missing seniors.  They were holding regular press conferences updating the press on the search and recovery. They advised that they would begin simultaneously their investigation of how the fire started as they made their way through the burnt out building. This however was not enough for the TVA (Quebecor) media group. Nope, they had a crack pot investigation unit and they were going to find the cause and broadcast it to anyone within a cable box or satellite dish. But that was not all. Not only were they going to broadcast the results they were going to publish the results of their investigation in the news papers they own ( Le Journal de Montreal and Le Journal de Quebec). And this all within 48 hours of the tragedy.

So, after their incredibly in depth investigation; speaking with hundreds of witnesses, experts, firefighters, police, community officials all in a 24 hr period. They went live from the site, 48 hours after the fire to broadcast their findings out to the cable and satellite universe. What we were to learn however was during their 24 hour investigation they had not actually spoken with hundreds of witnesses or police or firefighters or for that matter much of anyone. What they did do was track down the only, ''on duty'' night attendant at the residence, to get his version of the events. It is important to note that the police had already interviewed the attendant as he was one of the first hand witnesses to the beginning of the tragedy. In the TVA interview, this attendant recounted how a resident had gone outside at around 11:30 pm to smoke a cigarette (smoking was not permitted inside the building). He told how he asked the gentlemen to come back inside as it was mortally cold out ( minus 30 degrees). He recounted that the man returned to his unit which was located on the second floor. Later on, approximately 45 minutes had passed when he was advised of a fire alarm on the second floor. He stated that he proceeded down the hall and noticed that a unit door was open and smoke was rolling out the top of the door frame. He recounted that the resident inhabiting the unit often left his door partially opened. He stated it was the unit which belonged to the gentlemen who had been smoking outside earlier in the evening. From this and only this information, the brilliant ace investigators of TVA surmounted that the tragedy was most probably the result of a smoker. They were slobbering all over themselves with pleasure that they had found the (smoking gun..ah cigarette) probable cause of the fire. They went as far as to broadcast the unit number of where the attendant saw the smoke coming from. For this brilliant piece of investigative journalism these intellectual superiors felt they had amassed all the information and evidence to proclaim the tragedy was the result of a smoker.  The next day (Saturday) the front page of their two newspapers contained the following headline (translated), " The attendant speaks" below this front page headline in bold and underlined was written " The drama of L'Iles Verte a result of a smokers article". You had to go to page three and read the article to see where this crackpot journalistic team decided to mention that it quote," might have been" the result of a smoker.

The morning after the TV show aired and both front pages of the major newspapers announced the findings of this elite journalistic team, the police held a press conference. In it, they asked the public not to jump to any conclusions. That their investigation had just started, that it was going to be a monumental task and that a great deal of investigating was necessary before they would be able to arrive at a conclusion of what may have caused the fire. Later in the day, reporters in the field, some of them from the same TVA network, were warning people not to draw conclusions about the cause of the fire. Seriously? Your telling your same audience that you so assuredly advise the night before that they should not draw a conclusion on the cause. Your joking right? Nope. You see it appeared that another news outlet had learned that the seniors home had acquired a new kitchen appliance a few weeks before the fire and that an electrician had to be called because staff was reporting that they were smelling a quote, " burning smell" coming from the appliance. Now here is a kicker. That appliance, the one with the burning smell coming from it, it was located directly below the second floor unit where the attendant saw the smoke coming from. Wait! It gets better. It seems electricians also had to be called because a base board heater had been overheating a few days before the fire. Where was the base board you ask? Well it was in the kitchen and you guessed it, below the unit on the second floor where the attendant first saw the smoke. Now you don't need to be a crack investigator to understand the implications of all of this as it relates to drawing conclusions about the cause of the fire. Hell you do not even need to be a regular viewer of CSI to understand the absolute kangaroo quality of the TVA investigation and its conclusion. Anyone with any experience understands that it usually takes a fairly long time to collect all the facts surrounding any tragedy. That often the information circulating in the first few days tends to be erroneous. Not maliciously but simply as a result of the confusion and a strong desire to make sense of what has happened. One might think that TVA would be conscientious of this. It appears not.

This event was a tragedy. A massive tragedy. 32 seniors, mothers and fathers, grandparents, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles have perished. A library of love, experience and knowledge has been lost. That is the story. Not some kangaroo report. Yes everyone would like to know the cause. We need to know the cause. The real cause. If we hope to avoid these types of tragedies in the future we need to find the cause. The answers will not be found by a bunch of amateur investigators who think a microphone with three letters on it qualifies them as investigators. They are simply backyard Sherlock Holmes wannabes. What positive came from a TV News show that stated the room number of the senior who had been out that evening for a smoke. What contribution to shedding light on this tragic event did that report have. NONE! All it did was lead people to believe in something that might not even be close to the truth. Caused pain and anguish to the family of the senior who lived in that room. Caused confusion and pain for the families of those missing. Even if the cause of the fire does eventually lead to have being from a cigarette, that report was the lowest common denominator. It was designed to sell advertising, to increase viewership, to sell newspapers. It was designed to pull on the heart strings of a saddened community and province. It was the worst kind of journalism. It was in poor taste. It was disgusting. Journalism has slipped so far in the last 15 years. There is no more news, only talking heads reporting their and the corporations they work for version of it. They are no longer reporting stories they are making themselves part of it. They lead it and manipulate its content and serve it to us night after night, day after day in a vicious 24 hour cycle. The people at TVA should be ashamed of themselves. Those journalists should be ashamed. More importantly though other journalists and politicians should be ashamed for not calling out TVA for its absurd report.

Most of the seniors living in that residence were 85 and older. Many of them were in their 90's. Many of them lived through the great depression, the great war and numerous other epic moments in our history. They raised families, built businesses and communities. They made untold contributions to the lives of thousands. These seniors deserve our respect and admiration. They did not deserve to die in a fire on a cold January night and they most certainly deserved more respect then they received from those kangaroo reporters at TVA.

QUACKS LIKE A DUCK

''If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck. Its a duck''. Little more should need to be said about this statement. Unfortunately this is not the case especially if your Phil Robertson of  "Duck Dynasty". In a recent GQ magazine interview Mr. Robertson decided to share his rather conservative and some might say bigoted views.

This Blog is not so much about what he said but about the way certain elements of our society reacted to it. More importantly about what has now become a society which claims to value freedom of speech and expression yet acts in a completely contrary manner. We have become overly politicized. Overly sensitive and overtly aggressive. We advocate freedoms; yet we demand actions be taken on those who utilize those freedoms, especially if what they preach is not what we believe. There is no doubt that what Phil Robertson said was insulting, degrading, and narrow minded to some. He might even be a bigot. Mr. Robertson is a devout christian from the back woods of Louisiana (West Monroe to be exact). If you need a clearer picture of where he comes from and the foundations of his beliefs you need only understand the following. It is the birth place of white supremacy. In 1860 almost 50% (47%) of the population where slaves. It was a place instrumental in developing the policies and practices of the KKK. This is a place that kept, right up until 1965, most African Americans from voting using a state provision. Now none of this is an excuse for excessive ramblings or statements which promote hate but here is the problem. Did anything Robertson said in the GQ article actually promote hate? Have a read, "Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men." He also paraphrased a Biblical passage from First Corinthians saying, "Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right." Robertson also questioned the appeal of same-sex relationships saying that a vagina is more appealing to a man. However, Robertson also said that he does not judge anyone, but leaves that up to God saying,"We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?" Now you might justifiably see his views as narrow- minded, old, outdated, passe and perhaps offensive. What you cannot do however is claim that his statements advocates hate or violence. Also it is important to note that he did not express these views at any time during the shows episodes or broadcast.

There in lies the issue concerning free speech and what it exactly means. Especially those who use their free speech the loudest to condemn others rights to the very same privilege. '' One of the problems with defending free speech is you often have to defend people that you find to be outrageous and unpleasant and disgusting''. Salman Rushdie. There is a reality in our society and it is this. Those who advocate free speech often mean they advocate only speech that they agree with. They are not protectors of this right or gate keepers of the principle of free speech. Those who demand firings, and banishment or censoring are often the very same people who have come into the public eye as a result of their own right to have benefited from free speech. In particular the organization GLAAD who has been the most vocal in demanding A&E (the broadcasters of the show) fire Roberstson and have pressured the shows sponsors to pull out their advertising. You see GLAAD and many other organizations came into existence and have grown and prospered as a result of the right to free speech. Had they been limited in their ability to vehicle their message, had their spokespersons been silenced then the current status of homosexual and gay rights would be no where near where they are in our society. It is in leveraging this exact same free speech rights that they have been able to secure the legislation and rights which they now deserve to enjoy. The idea that demanding that someone be fired or removed, or banished or censored coming from any of these organizations is outright hypocrisy. They more then anyone should welcome the statements made by Robertson. Why? Simple. The struggle and fight the LGBT community has waged to achieve the rights they deserve were achieved as a result of free speech. It was in these battles against those who share views such as Robertson that the public debate occurred. That this public debate resulted in our leaders understanding that the majority of the people were in favor of equal rights for everyone regardless of ones sexual orientation. It was this fight, held in the ring of public opinion, on the back of free speech that the battles were won.

''You should protest about the views of people you disagree with over major moral issues, and argue them down, but you should not try to silence them, however repugnant you find them. That is the bitter pill free speech requires us to swallow''. Julian Baggini. Anyone who calls for the firing, dismissal, banishment or censoring of Robertson is not a true patriot of the First Amendment. Those organizations or individuals have risen to a position of power as a result of free speech but now seek to control and censor the content of messages they disagree with through threat. If you ask them they will tell you that they are in favor of free speech. That they vehemently support it. In reality however, what they are saying through their conduct is, beware everyone! For if you say something we feel is an affront to our beliefs, our values, our way of life then we will come at you and demand action against you. You are not entitled to express your beliefs. We will not tolerate you or consider your beliefs. So in essence they are saying, '' you are not entitled to believe in your convictions, your convictions and beliefs are the only ones that count''. We will simply leverage our power and use economic threat to silence you. These people or organizations are not defenders of free speech. They are enemies of it.

''Ignorant free speech often works against the speaker. That is one of several reasons why it must be given rein instead of suppressed'' Anna Quindlan.Something is going dramatically wrong with the way our society sees and interprets the right to free speech. Somewhere along the way as we have appropriately adapted our beliefs to accommodate the rights of others; we have began to believe that anyone who speaks out about their own beliefs are to be segregated, diminished and banished. Its as if the gaining of rights by one group justifies the removal of rights from another.The right to express your beliefs does not and should not belong uniquely to those who believe they have been wronged or held back. They must equally apply to everyone. There is plenty of vial, hatred and racism to go around. You do not need to look far to see it, experience it or hear it. This is exactly why those who advocate free speech should push for it even more without fear of reprisal or retribution. The only way to move our society forward is to welcome those debates. Allow those who have beliefs, ideas and principles about these issues to make them public. To allow all of society to measure them against their own convictions and values. Those who promote hatred want only for society to push them to the dark rooms of secrecy where they can propagate their messages and incite those to hatred. Only when we welcome these messages into the open forum can we advance the cause of all human beings. It will only be achieved when the principles of those beliefs are debated on their merit.

I have always had faith in humanities ability to eventually see the right path. While at times it takes too long we do ultimately move forward. Society does not need to hear the calls for firings, dismissal, censorship or banishment from organizations or individuals who have achieved a voice through the very same means which they now criticize. Leave it to Society to determine what to do with those individuals. History has taught us that they will simply fade into obscurity to be remembered only for having motivated humanity to be better and to do the right thing.