TRYING?

What are you trying?


That overweight girl you just made fun of riding her bike down the street; she is trying. She wants to lose weight. She wants to be in better shape. There is this boy she hopes will ask her to the prom. She is trying to adhere to a stereo type society has created. But to her that does not matter, she is just trying to improve herself for her, not for anyone else. That man standing outside your office building in the cold smoking a cigarette. You know, the one you always point at and say "that is so gross; he deserves to be out here in the cold". He is trying. He has cut back in the last 8 months from 2 packs a day to 5 cigarettes a day. He wants to play soccer with his kids on the weekends. So he is trying to quit, so he can actively play with his children and be around when they get older. He wants desperately to be in better health. That girl at school who everyone calls a "hoe" or a "scank" or "dirty" because she dresses sexy and has an easy way with the boys. She is trying. She is trying to forget about how her Mother tells her she is ugly every day. How she will never be attractive to anyone. She wants to put that out of her mind, to prove to herself that she is not what her mother tells her she is. She knows she is beautiful, she is trying to prove to herself that she is in fact beautiful. It is the only way she knows how. That boy you see pass your house every day at around 4pm dressed like a bum. The one you say to yourself "that kid has nothing to do, I see him every day, he should get a job". He is trying. He is 18 and he dropped out of high school when he was in grade 9. Since then he goes to his dish washing job every day at 4:30pm and he finishes at 1:00am and walks back by your house but you are already in bed. That kid goes to professional school every day from 8:00am to 3:30pm because he wants to make sure he is not a dish washer for the rest of his life.

Those people they are all trying something. In fact everyone is trying something. Regardless of how perfect you think your life is or how superior you are to anyone else, your trying to. You might be trying to compensate for insecurity, a fear, a pain, some past event. Regardless, you’re trying something. Unfortunately what it seems like most though; is that most of us spend way too much time trying to judge or criticize others. To set ourselves above those who are the most visually vulnerable to our judgments. In my mind we should perhaps spend much more time trying to improve ourselves. We live in a 24 hour information and media induced orgy. We seem to take enormous pleasure in spending ridiculous amounts of time watching what other people do and then spending wasted time passing our opinion on their doing and actions. We are over sensitized to the wrong thing. We think everyone's business is our business. We think it’s our right to know, but more importantly we think it’s our right to comment, judge and criticize. All the while we ignore our own weaknesses or our own need for personal improvement. We are so focused on others that we cannot or do not see ourselves. NO you say? Well let’s take a look!

Have you recently yelled at someone in front of you on the road for talking or texting on their phone? Only to answer your own cell or send a text a few hours later while behind the wheel. Yeah I thought so! Ever talked trash about someone walking down the street eating ice cream who maybe you thought didn't need an ice cream? Then later that evening step onto your scale at home before your shower only to realize you were still 15 lbs off your desired weight. Yeah I thought so. Ever go into a bar and laugh at the drunk falling down, stumbling around the place? Have you never done that yourself? Last year’s Christmas party, your cousin’s birthday party, the last stag or stagget you attended? Yeah I thought so. Ever sat in front of a TV game show and said "That idiot is so stupid they don't know the answer to that question, if that was me I would know the answer". Then to have your 10 year old ask you a few days later to help them answer some homework questions only to find yourself struggling to find the answers. Yeah I thought so. Ever been behind a car at your favorite coffee spot drive thru; with the person in front of you paying with their debit card for a $1.85 coffee? With you yelling to yourself "for God sakes, they couldn't carry 5 dollars with them". Then two days later going to the same spot and realizing you forgot your 20 bucks on your dresser and having to pull out your debit card" Yeah I thought so. The point here is simple. Everyone one of us has become a walking judge, jury and divine king of everything we do right and everything everyone else does wrong.

Everyone of us needs a lesson in humility. Me included! We spend way too much energy in the wrong place. Self-improvement is exactly that. SELF improvement! It’s rather difficult to be focused on you when you are focused on everyone else. The Internet, 24 hour News channels, the entertainment news channels, the rag magazines, they all contribute to our sense of right and obligation to judge others. To measure others misfortunes, weaknesses and mistakes against our lives. While all along ignoring those very same things which apply to us. It has become rather sad that the only reflection that many individuals use to see themselves is the reflection of others. It kind of makes mirrors redundant. Few of us have any self awareness left. While we have advanced technologically beyond our wildest dreams we have regressed equally in our human competencies. We gain perverse pleasure from considering ourselves better than others. By making foolish statements like, "I would never do that", "that person is an idiot", "that person is a bad person", "that person is just weak". Our society has been hypnotized into believing we are in some way advanced by our judgment of others. In fact we have been so distracted from focusing on who we as a society should really be judging, criticizing and ultimately working to improve, that we have ignored those truly requiring our Ire, judgment and criticism. Those would be the corrupt Politicians, corporate executives, Mega media outlets, and religious orders. who warp our world, control the outcome of far to much and who through self motivation present their agenda as reality instead of the fantasy it truly represents. These are the ones who are truly affecting you and your children’s lives. Not the overweight girl riding a bike.  Take 5 minutes to look around you, truly look around you. Then ask yourself when was the last time you stood up to defend something of value?  Used that judging and criticism power you so aptly wield and focus it on something that would improve your or your children' s lives.

For all of you out there trying something; trying to be better, more patient, more tolerant, more loving, more helpful, more forgiving. A better Mother, Father, friend. Trying to be in better shape, lose weight, fighting an addiction or simply trying to find your path. Never stop trying! For in that effort are values that those who criticize and judge will never understand. Resiliency and acceptance that no one is perfect and everyone needs to keep trying to improve. So now I will stop doing exactly what I have just written about. I will stop judging the Judges and criticizing the criticizers and get back to trying to improve myself....because I am sure there are plenty who know me who think I should do exactly that.

Rob