LOOKING FOR TOMORROW YESTERDAY, ''PASTCLINGING''

The arrival and growth of Social Internet sites such as Facebook, Myspace, Netlog and many others to numerous to mention has created a new phenomenon i like to call ''PASTCLINGING''. What is ''PASTCLINGING'' you might ask? Well it is a new phenomenon which is directly attributed to the sites i mentioned above along with sites like classmates.com, reunion.com, mylife.com and again to many others to mention. These sites have sprung up, some dedicated primarily to social, family and friends networking and some dedicated to finding past friends, teacher and high school sweet hearts. In essence they all have (including Facebook and Myspace) the tools to search for these long lost memories of the past. People everywhere are using them to get back in touch with the past. And when i say in touch i truly mean in many cases, ''in touch''!

I know some particular people who for whatever reason have began to use these tools as a way to find something that is missing. Or perhaps not so much missing but more likely lost. In today's society it has become so easy to believe that we can back up. That we can rewind the tape and potentially erase what we are now and restart at the beginning (everyone's beginning is at a different place in time). In all fairness its not even a going back, its more like a belief that there is something from our past that if we could fast forward it to now would in some way make our lives the way we want them to be. Or potentially lead us on a path similar to the one we were on when we were younger. Connections to our past generally manifest themselves in people and events we lived with those people. Really no different then what we do today in the present. So now with all these tools to go searching for those past people, many are taking advantage to see if there truly is something back there. They are ''PASTCLINGING''

In one particular case i know of a woman who has for the last few months become quasi obsessed with people from her past. Finding old flames, old high school sweethearts and engaging in behaviour that would probably make for an excellent case study at the Medical University. Much of this searching i believe is driven by the belief that answers to today's situations, today's life might be easier to find in someone from the past. That relationships although some as old as 25 years ago might still be the same today as they were back then. That perhaps love doesn't always fade. She has contacted a few old loves in what i consider dangerous behaviour. Now to the point in one case where they are writing letters back and forth with a quote, ''Happily married man'' who is apparently professing his long, ever dying love, 25 years later. Now if you think that this is normal behaviour then you might have already engaged in this process before yourself. But if your like me you find this relatively seedy to say it nicely. I am of the mind set that interfering in someones marriage whether you do it after the car pulls out of the driveway and you knock on the door (not that I'm speaking from experience) or you engage in online ''fooling around'' to me it constitutes a breech of a couples bonds and commitments. (and not proudly i am somewhat of an expert on cheating behaviour).

I recently asked this person if they would mind if the guys wife were to read their exchanges. The answer i got back was cloudy to say the least. But more importantly it was twisted with a, ''well there is nothing wrong with it'' type attitude. UUUMH! yes there is something wrong with it! If your not married and he is and your entertaining anything, THAT'S ANYTHING, in the way of motivating him to believe there is some sort of chance; then you certainly are doing something wrong. What I'm seeing and hearing more of lately is this ''PASTCLINGING''. People have deluded themselves into believing that 20 years of history hasn't changed much of anything, i mean hey i loved them when i was 17 so i can certainly love them again. Its kinda like what we had then we can have again now. AH STOP RIGHT THERE! no way, no chance! Time moves and with it we do to. The person you knew 20 years ago is NOT the same person today. NO WAY NO HOW. Yes they might have traits still similar, they might even look relatively the same, but be sure that they are not the same person.

It struck me that this behaviour is more like a long distance orgy. A Fictitious world you enter by typing in a user name and password and BANG there you are right back in that place 20 years ago. Its a safe feeling to know that who your enticing, flirting or down right cyber sexing is someone who at one point meant something to you. In pure reality though you would be just as well off to log onto a cyber cam site (i know nothing about those sites by the way) and get it on with some complete stranger. Because the person you knew 20 years ago might just as well be a stranger. Yes you can catch up and generally that's where the process starts, as time evolves the discussion turn towards your happiness and your needs and the ''what if's'' in life. The next thing you know your engaged in, ''well if you were here with me now i would be _________________ you''. That's how fast it happens and then your in it. The professions of, ''Oh i have always loved you you were the love of my life...blah blah blah''. And while it might all seem rather Innocent, the reality of all of this is; there are peoples families involved and any encouragement of this behaviour is wrong. No different then waiting in a seedy motel, in a car or after the driveway is empty. It all boils down to the same thing.

The other side of this story is the ''PASTCLINGING'' desire to go see old flames, girlfriends and boyfriends from the past once we have found them on line. If there single and so are you thats fine and it can be a just ''lets see'' attitude about trying it out. Now I'm not saying that its impossible that there could be a reconnection but as a rule of thumb, forget it. No matter how well they look, no matter how kind time has been to them you better be willing to approach it the same way you would if you met someone on an online dating service. Very very carefully. So if your contemplating going back in time to meet an ex then do it with lots of care and keep in mind that this isn't 1985. And don't be disappointed if you end back at the same place you are now.

My message to you ''PASTCLINGERS'' that are already involved in online activities is this. Back away from your keyboard, go look at the calendar...its 2009 not 1985. That person your trying to reconnect with has their life and you know what? You weren't part of it for the last 25 and your not going to be part of it for the next 25. The only thing you might get is a rush of excitement and in allot of cases a bunch of disappointment cause it might feel good now but the 15 minutes is ticking away and you better hope his wife doesn't find the transcripts cause your PASTCLINGING will be over faster then that; and that sure messes up 25 years of history. If your confused about where you stand with what I'm saying challenge yourself to this one simple task. Send everything you have written to each other to that persons husband or wife. If your not willing to your doing something wrong. CLEAR?